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What is an acceptable time to leave a wedding?
84

Celp28 · 06/08/2022 09:38

Help and advice needed please 🙏 I am due to attend a wedding today with my husband and 2 young children aged 2 & 6. It is for a school friend who I have grown up with and luckily it is not too far from home (45 minute drive).
I woke up this morning really unwell. Swollen glands, high temperature and raging sore throat. I have the awful limb aching that comes with these things and my head feels like it’s going to explode.
It’s too late to cancel so I know I have to put my big girl pants on and suck it up and attend. However, what is an acceptable time to leave please? I don’t want to be rude and offend the bride and groom, but equally I really don’t know if I can face the entire day/evening. I honestly want to cry!

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/08/2022 09:39

You're ill, why would you go??

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Pinkflipflop85 · 06/08/2022 09:40

Yabu for even considering going.

You've just described exactly how I've been with cocid recently.

Even if it isn't covid - nobody wants you spreading your illness around.

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Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/08/2022 09:40

Your husband and kids can go, and probably get away with leaving before the evening do, so after the meal

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Maireas · 06/08/2022 09:40

It's not too late to cancel.
Don't go, and don't spread whatever you've got to anyone else, especially the bride and groom.

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justasking111 · 06/08/2022 09:40

Stay home

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luxxlisbon · 06/08/2022 09:41

No one attending the wedding wants your germs, least of all the bride and groom.

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Clarich007 · 06/08/2022 09:42

You can't help being ill. It's one of those things, plus why would you spread it around a wedding. Imagine how mamy people could be affected. Stay home rest and get well soon

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Wombat27A · 06/08/2022 09:42

At the very least, do a covid test.

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Whatsonmymindgrapes · 06/08/2022 09:42

After the first dance

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AlisonDonut · 06/08/2022 09:42

I'm sure they will appreciate catching it and being ill for the honeymoon and having to travel whilst being really really ill.

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GeekyThings · 06/08/2022 09:43

You're ill, so don't go - it's not cool to be sick and take that to a wedding where you'll likely pass it on to everyone else!

Your husband and kids can go and make your excuses. Under the circumstances I don't think they need to stay much longer than the ceremony, it would be weird of the marrying couple to expect them to stick around when it's your friend and you're at home sick.

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Celp28 · 06/08/2022 09:43

Do you think that’d be ok? I was thinking how rude it is to just cancel on the day. But I agree about spreading the germs!
DH and DC going alone isn’t really an option as bride is very much my friend rather than a family friend.
It isn’t Covid, I have taken two LFT’s and both are negative.

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TaffyToffee · 06/08/2022 09:44

It could still be covid. I had similar symptoms, tested negative… then tested positive the next day.

You need to cancel.

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Iamthewombat · 06/08/2022 09:45

can you dose yourself up with something, for a start?

It’s a tricky one because if you just leave early without saying anything, you’ll look ill-mannered when your hosts have put on a big party. If you over-explain how unwell you feel, you’ll be making the wedding day all about you, which is possibly worse.

I’d take the drugs and suck it up, I think. You might feel better as the day goes on?

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Maireas · 06/08/2022 09:47

Celp28 · 06/08/2022 09:43

Do you think that’d be ok? I was thinking how rude it is to just cancel on the day. But I agree about spreading the germs!
DH and DC going alone isn’t really an option as bride is very much my friend rather than a family friend.
It isn’t Covid, I have taken two LFT’s and both are negative.

It's not rude! It's more polite than spreading your lurgy around.

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Clarich007 · 06/08/2022 09:48

Yes it is ok. If it happened to me of course I would understand. You are not well. Thebride will probably be grateful, imagine if it spoiled their honeymoon.
Take care hope you feel better soon. It could still be Covid. It took 3 days of testing before my test was positive.

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Formerpupil · 06/08/2022 09:51

Agree with pp, dose yourself up, see how you feel in an hour or two and if you really don’t feel up to it then get a message to a bridesmaid explaining (concisely) and say you’ll visit the bride once you’re better. I’d then put extra cash a card for them.

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CharlieChalkface · 06/08/2022 09:53

You should stay home. Imagine if you infected the bride/groom right before they jetted off on their honeymoon, you’d ruin it for them!

Send your husband and kids as they will have paid a lot of money for the meal and it would be a shame for there to be four empty seats. if they have planned small tables it is going to be a bit awkward for the rest of the table to sit next to empty seats. Even if your husband doesn’t know them well he can suck it up and make small talk for a few hours and be clear he is there to represent you as their friend. He can leave after the wedding breakfast and speeches if he wants, that’s not rude.

If it was me I would also send them a congratulations card and a bunch of flowers explaining that you were sorry to miss out of their day and wish them all the best. It is polite to offer to cover the cost of your meal or send them a gift/voucher for the equivalent cost.

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TeenDivided · 06/08/2022 09:54

Don't go.

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TaffyToffee · 06/08/2022 09:56

CharlieChalkface · 06/08/2022 09:53

You should stay home. Imagine if you infected the bride/groom right before they jetted off on their honeymoon, you’d ruin it for them!

Send your husband and kids as they will have paid a lot of money for the meal and it would be a shame for there to be four empty seats. if they have planned small tables it is going to be a bit awkward for the rest of the table to sit next to empty seats. Even if your husband doesn’t know them well he can suck it up and make small talk for a few hours and be clear he is there to represent you as their friend. He can leave after the wedding breakfast and speeches if he wants, that’s not rude.

If it was me I would also send them a congratulations card and a bunch of flowers explaining that you were sorry to miss out of their day and wish them all the best. It is polite to offer to cover the cost of your meal or send them a gift/voucher for the equivalent cost.

The venue or caterers should be able to remove the empty place settings.

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startfresh · 06/08/2022 09:56

I would not want you at my wedding if you're ill. Especially if going on honeymoon.

You may have bugs that could kill my grandparents or elderly relatives. I certainly wouldn't thank you then.

Where have you been the last few years?

I'm going to an event tonight and reading your post has me anxious that there are going to be other people who are STILL this oblivious to spreading germs.

Please do the other guests a favour and stay home, I'n sure your friend will be grateful that they're not spending their first days of married life at home with the lurgy.

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Lymregent · 06/08/2022 09:57

Please don't go, it would be so selfish to take your germs and pass them on ! Send your apologies, they will understand. Then send a nice card and gift.

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Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/08/2022 09:58

Your husband and kids still need to go as they will have spent a lot of the food and otherwise a whole table will be half empty! Thry can go and then leave after food.

If all 4of you don't go then i would be pissed off if i was the bride/groom

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burnoutbabe · 06/08/2022 09:58

In general I wish it would be perfectly okay to leave after the wedding reception and not have to attend the evening do.

I find them dull 99% of the time. I have had a nice day and chatted to people but apparently I also need to sit through a noisy disco for a few hours to show willing. Those extra 3-4 hours just drag horrendously.

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startfresh · 06/08/2022 09:59

Negative LFTs means nothing, unfortunately, unless you take them just before the wedding and leave within a few hours, you could come up positive any day.

Also the rest will help you recuperate quicker. Best all round.

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