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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting strangers handle baby...

98 replies

Newmum199207 · 06/08/2022 08:57

Been invited to my other halfs sisters birthday BBQ next weekend. All of his family will be there which I am absolutely fine with them handling the baby. However her friends will also be there and I'm not comfortable with the idea of my baby being held by them as they are strangers to me. I know when I bring this up to my other half it's going to cause friction. I'm just super worried about germs etc and my baby is only 2 months old. AIBU??

OP posts:
peaceandharmonyinalltheworlddd · 06/08/2022 09:00

I don't see the problem. You'll be there the whole time to keep an eye out - you can ask for your baby back anytime.

The germs thing doesn't really make sense. Your partners family will have just as many germs as their friends / strangers!

It's up to you who / your partner who holds your baby and if you're not comfortable say. But as long as they're not drink / smoking / ill around the baby I personally wouldn't see a problem.

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 09:01

PFB alert

What do you think will happen if someone not green lit holds your baby?

Also it's not just your call

Echobelly · 06/08/2022 09:02

I think you maybe need to take a step back here and try to relax about it a little. You say you're worried about germs, but why would the germs of people you don't know be worse than those of people you do?

Remember, babies are designed to exist in a world with germs and it's good and healthy to be exposed to normal levels of that.

Also I don't think you'll find that lots of people necessarily want to hold a baby, especially of someone they don't know well. I do think psychologically and physically it's healthy for babies to be passed around a bit, but if you are nervouse, maybe just say to your DH you might want to go and have some chill time with the baby in another room if lots of people want to hold him/her, rather than phrasing it as 'I don't want people I don't know touching the baby'.

Sunnyqueen · 06/08/2022 09:02

What's the difference of germs etc between family and SIL friends? You won't be able to tell who's carrying what anyway. As long as everyone washes their hands first I don't see the issue

Hugasauras · 06/08/2022 09:03

They may not want to hold your baby anyway. I wouldn't want to hold a random baby at a party particularly!

godmum56 · 06/08/2022 09:04

I think your baby your choice but it might be easier not to go than to go and be picky. I am always amazed at the entitledness of people who just expect to be able to hold babies willy nilly.

FirewomanSam · 06/08/2022 09:04

I don’t know the friends in question obviously but I think most people are unlikely to be queuing to hold a stranger’s baby at a party. I don’t think this is going to be the problem you think it will be.

M340 · 06/08/2022 09:05

It's your partners call on who holds the baby too.

Germs are no different on these 'strangers' than on the family.
Unclench a little and have a good time. Let others hold the baby for a bit and relax.

Also - the 'strangers' probably won't be any near as fussed over your baby as you think.

Comedycook · 06/08/2022 09:06

You are being ridiculous

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 09:07

godmum56 · 06/08/2022 09:04

I think your baby your choice but it might be easier not to go than to go and be picky. I am always amazed at the entitledness of people who just expect to be able to hold babies willy nilly.

Their baby

Their choice

It's not just the OPs decision

NewIdeasToday · 06/08/2022 09:07

Can you keep your baby in a sling so it’s much easier to manage who gets to cuddle her?

35965a · 06/08/2022 09:07

People who don’t know you probably won’t want to hold the baby anyway. If they do just take your baby back. They’re not dolls.

FirewomanSam · 06/08/2022 09:13

I once went to a party where a mum I’d never met before asked me to hold her baby and then fucked off to mingle and have fun for over an hour while I was sat there stuck with this sleeping baby in my arms. Someone eventually found her and made her take the baby back and she seemed bemused at the idea that I didn’t want to just hold her PFB for the entire party.

Obviously that’s at the extreme other end of the scale but don’t assume everyone even wants to hold your baby. Some might, sure, but the majority will probably be far less bothered than you think.

Homewardbound2022 · 06/08/2022 09:14

Hugasauras · 06/08/2022 09:03

They may not want to hold your baby anyway. I wouldn't want to hold a random baby at a party particularly!

Exactly! I'd rather be holding a drink.

Ontomatopea · 06/08/2022 09:15

2 months in I expect you're still feeling super protective and that's ok. Just say no thanks I'd rather hold on to her myself for now.

pd339 · 06/08/2022 09:19

What makes you think that someone who doesn't know you would be desperate to hold your baby? ! Hilarious..

PurpleDaisies · 06/08/2022 09:22

Why would those people be more germy than anyone else there?

I don’t know why you think people will want to hold a baby of some random person they’ve never met. Weird.

Jovanka · 06/08/2022 09:23

I remember before having my own children always feeling so awkward at social events when someone asked if I wanted to hold their baby. I would always say yes as it felt rude to say no but I would hold the baby at arms length and couldn’t bloody wait to give the baby back. Now I would offer to hold a baby if I could see that a parent could do with a break to have something to eat or drink but otherwise definitely not. I have no interest in other people’s babies - especially those not belonging to family members. This may not be the issue you think it’s going to be OP.

TailSpinner · 06/08/2022 09:27

I think you’re massively overestimated strangers’ interest in your baby. They don’t know you, they are not going to care about your 2 month old baby.
Very young newborn might get a few people excited - they’re not such a common sight - but a 2 month old?? Barely anyone will bat an eyelid.

alnawire · 06/08/2022 09:29

Hugasauras · 06/08/2022 09:03

They may not want to hold your baby anyway. I wouldn't want to hold a random baby at a party particularly!

Definitely this. Why would they want to hold your baby? They are there to have drinks and food presumably, they won't be much interested in the baby.

CowPalace · 06/08/2022 09:33

FirewomanSam · 06/08/2022 09:04

I don’t know the friends in question obviously but I think most people are unlikely to be queuing to hold a stranger’s baby at a party. I don’t think this is going to be the problem you think it will be.

This. I’m pretty sure the only time I’ve held a baby in similar circumstances was when its mum nipped to the loo and asked me.

I was at a barbecue with DH’s nephew and his wife’s new baby recently, and I think the baby stayed in his sling being worn by one or other parent the whole time.

Original poster
Newmum199207 · 06/08/2022 09:33

Just want to add that I know for a fact his sister will be showing him off to all her friends as it's her nephew, they are a very huggy bunch of people so I know for a fact they will want to hold him. Those commenting about the germs, in theory yes it is no different to his family members but his family members are not young, they don't go out much and stay inside mainly. Her friends are all in there 20s and quite rightly go out all the time etc so yeah there is a much higher chance they could potentially have something. Especially with Covid going back up again. For those saying I can just say no, I can't really tbh. And I've already had his mum invite her friends around mine to meet him which again I wasn't happy with as I don't know these people.

OP posts:
CowPalace · 06/08/2022 09:34

Newmum199207 · 06/08/2022 09:33

Just want to add that I know for a fact his sister will be showing him off to all her friends as it's her nephew, they are a very huggy bunch of people so I know for a fact they will want to hold him. Those commenting about the germs, in theory yes it is no different to his family members but his family members are not young, they don't go out much and stay inside mainly. Her friends are all in there 20s and quite rightly go out all the time etc so yeah there is a much higher chance they could potentially have something. Especially with Covid going back up again. For those saying I can just say no, I can't really tbh. And I've already had his mum invite her friends around mine to meet him which again I wasn't happy with as I don't know these people.

Well, you’re the parent. Of course you can say no. Put your baby in a sling?

Ontomatopea · 06/08/2022 09:36

For those saying I can just say no, I can't really tbh. And I've already had his mum invite her friends around mine to meet him which again I wasn't happy with as I don't know these people. you can, you really can. You say I'm not up for that right now. I'd best hold on to them as they get fussy when away from me. Increasingly assertive until you get to "I said no, why are you making it so hard"

Ontomatopea · 06/08/2022 09:37

It's hard if you're not used to it but it does get easier to say no