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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting strangers handle baby...

98 replies

Newmum199207 · 06/08/2022 08:57

Been invited to my other halfs sisters birthday BBQ next weekend. All of his family will be there which I am absolutely fine with them handling the baby. However her friends will also be there and I'm not comfortable with the idea of my baby being held by them as they are strangers to me. I know when I bring this up to my other half it's going to cause friction. I'm just super worried about germs etc and my baby is only 2 months old. AIBU??

OP posts:
Bobshhh · 06/08/2022 11:14

In my 20s I would have had 0 interest in holding my friend's sister in law's baby. Same in my 30s to be fair.

Mariposista · 06/08/2022 11:15

CJsGoldfish · 06/08/2022 11:03

I can't decide if this is sad or just hilarious. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Definitely hilarious. Some people have too much time on their hands.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/08/2022 11:17

Don't be so silly @Alfenstein, it is fine for people to have different boundaries to you. I don't have anxiety, but my mum did, so thanks for that. I know therefore that its something to be managed, not a stick for others to beat you with.

Workyticket · 06/08/2022 11:17

I wasn't precious about who held ds, the only person I said no to was a woman in a cafe who came over with her arms out and said "I've never held one that small before, giz a go"

Ds was prem and tiny for ages but wasn't a toy or a trophy!

3sacharm · 06/08/2022 11:19

I think you are over estimating how much a stranger to you/your child will actually want to hold them?

Behappyplease · 06/08/2022 11:25

Why do you think they will want to hold your pfb?

danidandan · 06/08/2022 11:32

Flittingaboutagain · 06/08/2022 10:38

My baby wasn't a doll to be passed around and only our parents have ever cuddled her. Even then with hand gel first and negative LFT because it was just out of lockdown and she hadn't had any immunisations. I'm pregnant again and will definitely be saying the same thing because no one's feelings are more important than my babies' safety. No one was upset at all anyway. I don't get this weird thing about being "cool" for letting your baby get treated like a doll and you're PFB is you don't. PFB in this case is just a decent parent.

You're doing the same thing this time, asking for lateral flows, hand gal and only grandparents hold the baby?

Jesus. That is a seriously abnormal amount of anxiety.

liveforsummer · 06/08/2022 11:32

Not everyone is going to want to hold your baby. Many won't be interested! Non related people don't harbour a separate strain of germs. You definitely need to chill. Your baby won't tolerate being passed around like pass the parcel anyway and will cry, want fed, need changed etc so will self limit the issue

RedHelenB · 06/08/2022 11:39

Yabvu.

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 11:51

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/08/2022 11:17

Don't be so silly @Alfenstein, it is fine for people to have different boundaries to you. I don't have anxiety, but my mum did, so thanks for that. I know therefore that its something to be managed, not a stick for others to beat you with.

Conflating being an overly cautious and anxious parent with hazard perception is ridiculous.

You sound just as bad as the OP

ilovemyboys3 · 06/08/2022 12:12

I personally wouldn't be passing my baby around to be handled by everyone anyways, even if they are family. Baby isn't a possession to be passed about.

BiscoffSundae · 06/08/2022 12:13

I wouldn’t want to hold a strangers baby

20viona · 06/08/2022 12:19

Why would a stranger want to hold your baby anyway? It's not gonna happen.

babysoupdragon2 · 06/08/2022 12:27

Use a stretchy wrap sling. People will ask far less.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 06/08/2022 12:40

What makes you think they’ll want to hold your baby?!

Hollywolly1 · 06/08/2022 12:44

Your baby is only 2 months old and in my opinion your baby is not a parcel to be handed from person to person as they are so tiny it could hurt them.Also I completely agree with the germ thing as well, this is your baby and its your call

CharlesIsQueensHorcrux · 06/08/2022 12:47

Hi @Newmum199207 I think you’re getting a really hard time here. You’re a new mum with a tiny baby, of course you’re obsessed with him and protective. I don’t think this will be as big a deal as you think, but you do need to learn to say no when you’re not comfortable. What you are comfortable with will change over time but if you’re not comfortable please know that that’s your call as his mum. Perhaps think of it as being your child’s advocate. Some people won’t like it but they’ll get used to it. A sling is also a pragmatic solution. Good luck x

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:48

CharlesIsQueensHorcrux · 06/08/2022 12:47

Hi @Newmum199207 I think you’re getting a really hard time here. You’re a new mum with a tiny baby, of course you’re obsessed with him and protective. I don’t think this will be as big a deal as you think, but you do need to learn to say no when you’re not comfortable. What you are comfortable with will change over time but if you’re not comfortable please know that that’s your call as his mum. Perhaps think of it as being your child’s advocate. Some people won’t like it but they’ll get used to it. A sling is also a pragmatic solution. Good luck x

It's not her call as his mother

This child has a father who has equal rights to decide what happens with his child

Hollywolly1 · 06/08/2022 12:51

Flittingaboutagain · 06/08/2022 10:38

My baby wasn't a doll to be passed around and only our parents have ever cuddled her. Even then with hand gel first and negative LFT because it was just out of lockdown and she hadn't had any immunisations. I'm pregnant again and will definitely be saying the same thing because no one's feelings are more important than my babies' safety. No one was upset at all anyway. I don't get this weird thing about being "cool" for letting your baby get treated like a doll and you're PFB is you don't. PFB in this case is just a decent parent.

I think you are very sensible mother to your children znd it baffles me as to why people think you are anxious

Hollywolly1 · 06/08/2022 12:51

And

Flittingaboutagain · 06/08/2022 12:59

Thanks! I find it so odd that people criticise parents for protecting their babies. There's so much we can't protect them from when they're older! Plenty of risk to last a lifetime. No need to start when they're tiny.

eurochick · 06/08/2022 13:07

In my 20s you couldn't have paid me to hold a random baby at a party. I really don't think this is going to be the issue you fear.

If anyone does ask have some stock phrases to put them off.

"She's a bit fussy about being held at the moment"
"Maybe later, she's due a nap/feed shortly"
"In a bit, I've said I would take her to take her to see X"
"I wouldn't if I were you, I think she needs changing. Back in a no"

AMIAMIBU · 06/08/2022 13:14

Newmum199207 · 06/08/2022 09:33

Just want to add that I know for a fact his sister will be showing him off to all her friends as it's her nephew, they are a very huggy bunch of people so I know for a fact they will want to hold him. Those commenting about the germs, in theory yes it is no different to his family members but his family members are not young, they don't go out much and stay inside mainly. Her friends are all in there 20s and quite rightly go out all the time etc so yeah there is a much higher chance they could potentially have something. Especially with Covid going back up again. For those saying I can just say no, I can't really tbh. And I've already had his mum invite her friends around mine to meet him which again I wasn't happy with as I don't know these people.

Is covid going back up?

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 13:49

Flittingaboutagain · 06/08/2022 12:59

Thanks! I find it so odd that people criticise parents for protecting their babies. There's so much we can't protect them from when they're older! Plenty of risk to last a lifetime. No need to start when they're tiny.

But being neurotic isn't protecting them

The OP isn't protecting them from anything

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/08/2022 13:51

@Alfenstein you are being deliberately goady and are determined to paint new mothers with boundaries as neurotic, when it really isn't the case.