Letting strangers handle baby...

[Newmum199207]

Been invited to my other halfs sisters birthday BBQ next weekend. All of his family will be there which I am absolutely fine with them handling the baby. However her friends will also be there and I'm not comfortable with the idea of my baby being held by them as they are strangers to me. I know when I bring this up to my other half it's going to cause friction. I'm just super worried about germs etc and my baby is only 2 months old. AIBU??

It's not having boundaries

It's being overly anxious

The OPs baby is at no more risk with these strangers than her family

The OP isn't thinking or reacting rationally

I wouldn't want my baby passing about like a toy. Just hold on to her or put her in a baby carrier and say she's feeling a bit clingy and maybe she'll want a cuddle after her nap later.

Handle 😂😂. Sorry that's mean it just made me laugh and not sure why. Try to chill, WH do strangers have more germs than people you know? Also I doubt randoms wanna hold your baby, no offence

I'm always thrilled to have people hold my babies. It doesn't last forever. I have no interest at all in holding other peoples babies though. OP, if this is such a big deal, stay home. Otherwise either smile and let your baby experience new people or sit and feed the baby or just say the truth- you're too anxious to hand baby around. People may judge you, but no one really cares.

Boundaries or anxiety?

Boundaries. Those of us with genuine, diagnosed anxiety aren't just a bit worried or overly cautious, not that I think the OP is being either. It's her first baby and she's worried about germs, like many first time parents. The term needs to stop being thrown around to put people down, as well as trivialised.

I was always the opposite and loved to go to things where someone else would take the baby for a while and let me eat and drink in peace but honestly OP they might be polite and admire the baby but might not want to hold him

I walked into a bbq for DH's cousin with all of his other cousins, their partners & their kids. I handed my 4 week over to DH's auntie and just saw the baby being passed round to those who did want a cuddle as I casually sipped my wine...

What's the worst that can happen?

Poor baby

Those who just pass the baby round...do you not think your baby, in the fourth trimester, just wants the comfort of you in new surroundings? My little one loves being with other people now and enjoys interaction but I don't kid myself she wanted or needed it with loads of strangers as a tiny baby. Seems like you put an adult mind onto your newborns.

Some people have no desire to hold (random) babies, me being one of them. I loved and adored my own DC's and would look after my own neices and nephews, but I have never felt the urge to pick up and/or cuddle anyones babies.
I don't approve of young babies being passed around I think it unsettles them and can distress them, but I am probably in the minority here!

A load of neurotic Mnetters will criticise you like the two posts above 😂 you can’t win with MN.

Im same as you, I love going to stuff where I can pass baby over and eat in peace.

@Hollywolly1 why "poor baby"?
I was at a bbq with family and friends, baby was more than happy getting cuddles and being fussed over and I was happy to have a drink and a break.

I could understand your comment if I'd left her in a pit of broken glass to play while I got pissed!

My DDs both slept like 18+ hours a day as newborns. They wouldn't have noticed who was holding them as they would be asleep!

My friends came round to meet DD2 and they all had a cuddle and she stayed asleep the whole time

@Flittingaboutagain have you ever thought that all babies are different?!

My baby who was "passed around" has always been happy to be held by anyone, and if she's not happy, she'll let you know.

Not all parents are able to just constantly hold a baby! My baby would happily be held all the time but I also have a toddler and need to do things without constantly carrying a baby. So shoot me for allowing others to hold her and ensure she's happy while I keep an eye on my toddler and have a drink to myself!

Do you not understand all people and thus babies are different?

Babies don't attach to a primary care giver until 4-6 months

They won't give a flying fuck who is holding them in the 4th trimester

@Hollywolly1 - how is @MsSquiz child a 'poor baby'.

It's perfectly normal for a baby to be held by others. If you think that equates to a 'poor baby' then Christ you're sensitive.

I think you are overestimating how many people will be even remotely interested in your baby!

I'm sensitive to think its ok for a 4 week old baby to be passed around like a parcel?get a grip

@Hollywolly1 you do realise they weren't playing catch with the baby?!

I'm pretty sure if my baby wasn't happy about being held by others she would've made it loudly known rather than falling asleep for her cat naps.

I take my cues from my baby rather than instil crazy notions that others should not hold her!

Hope you are ok if you’re still reading some of these replies OP. I second the recommendation to use a sling at the party. It’s ok to decline passing your baby round.

Not sensitive, I'm not a FTM and still wouldn't do it with no. 3 at such a young age. I don't know many people who would (apart from on MN, when babies are being passed around at parties from 5 minutes old on a weekly basis 😁).

Your sister needs to wake up and realise Covid still exists! I am a retired nurse (changed careers) and would never advise such a young baby to be passed around. It’s not just Covid that’s the issue, anything like a bronchial infection etc is contagious. My younger sister died as a baby due to a serious lung infection which began as a cough which she picked up as the maternity nurse thought it okay to show her off. Be assertive and say no. If you cannot do that, have your baby in a sling.