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Original poster

Wedding, husband and flower girls

337 replies

Harrishoole · 05/08/2022 10:43

Brother in law is getting married in an hour and a half; never been on mumsnet, don't know what to do. Feel as if I am going to vomit.

Checked into hotel to find sister-in-law with her cousins and bridesmaids and two bloody flower girls.

Our two girls are not invited.

It became very obvious to me and mother-in-law that my children were not going to be invited to the wedding, logically none of our business but it was hurtful and upsetting. I thought my husband would be accepting but he was completely offended. He approached Brother-in-law who spoke to sister-in -law. Kids not invited.

Pandemic took over and when wedding was planned again both MiL and husband spoke again but no kids. BiL admitted this was SiL as he had left all planning to her.

Husband is best man. I don't know if I should ring him and warn him and MiL. I am scared there will be an atmosphere when they walk in.

OP posts:
Yogagrandmum · 05/08/2022 16:04

It’s odd not having children at weddings. I thought getting married was all about having children…

burnoutbabe · 05/08/2022 16:06

If they're not overly close and BIL is not overly involved with your kids, then I don't understand why everyone is so put out that they're excluded? It's fairly typical for weddings to be child-free with the exception of children in the wedding party and there's no reason why the bride should feel unable to include children she is very close with just to appease BIL's family when he doesn't have those kind of relationships on his side.

Even if true, its making a fairly clear statement to the world - i am not close/bothered about my brothers kids and quite happy to not see them if i can avoid it.

i mean most uncles and aunts probably don't want to make that sort of statement, even if they are a bit meh about the kids in day to day terms. i certainly would be very aware of what my sister would think if i excluded my nephew from any wedding but invited the equivalent on my partners side ("oh but they have a role so its different" really would not wash with most families)

WhimsicalGubbins · 05/08/2022 16:08

Is it? Or are you simply speaking from very limited experience?
Of all the weddings I’ve been to in the last 30 years, only two invited kids. One of them was mine, and the other only invited my DD because she was 14 at the time and capable of spending an evening enjoying adult company. No small kids invited to any, except mine

Dixiechickonhols · 05/08/2022 16:14

I can understand where you are coming from. It would be better to have been told bride is having 2 flower girls.
If you are told no children including grooms 2 nieces and walk in and see 2 little flower girls similar age it’s a shock and I can understand why Op thought her MIL and DH would be upset by seeing this.
I personally can’t understand not inviting your nieces to your wedding but having other young children there. The groom is obviously on good terms with their dad as he’s best man so seems unkind to exclude them. Presumably there aren’t loads of nieces and nephews so to invite 2 from bride side and exclude 2 from groom is off. Seeing 2 other little girls there rubs salt in wound and guests will wonder why - can’t trot out it’s a child free wedding. I would think very odd of bride and groom to do that - relatives will be asking where Katie and Jane are.

butterflied · 05/08/2022 16:20

The only thing which will mar the day is your complete overreaction to this very normal thing. Jesus, imagine marrying into this family.

LovelyDaaling · 05/08/2022 16:21

The bride and groom should have just who they want at their own wedding. Personally, I'd have been delighted to attend a wedding without my own kids in tow.

Blablasheep · 05/08/2022 16:24

What kind of a f**""" up culture we live in where children are not invited to their uncles wedding?!?! And so many people here agree with it.
Absolutely unbelievable!

easyday · 05/08/2022 16:29

The wedding has happened now but I don't get it - did you not realise your kids were not invited? I mean surely you understood this when the invites were just for you and your husband? Did you bring your kids with you?
I only had two kids for the ceremony and for photos afterwards. Their grandma came and took them home after that part. Young kids at an evening reception spells boredom and crankiness and parents not enjoying themselves (I'm thinking most under 12s here - my daughter did quite enjoy a wedding at 10, but she knew the bride and family very well and spent the whole time dancing).
I just don't figure how you seem to be acting like you only found out today.

Brefugee · 05/08/2022 16:39

The bride gets to choose her bridesmaids. Her future sister in law doesn't get to throw a hissy fit about it.

AnotherForumUser · 05/08/2022 16:42

Yogagrandmum · 05/08/2022 16:04

It’s odd not having children at weddings. I thought getting married was all about having children…

Got married past childbearing age and loved having child guests at my wedding. But you are basically saying I shouldn't have married and that childless or childfree couples should divorce then. Just because various religions pushed marriage as an approved way to have sex and as a way to produce more believers doesn't mean that's all marriage is about. Your view of marriage may be as limited as your critical thinking ability or your narrow imagination but luckily most people aren't as blinkered as you

DappledThings · 05/08/2022 16:42

The wedding has happened now but I don't get it - did you not realise your kids were not invited? I mean surely you understood this when the invites were just for you and your husband? Did you bring your kids with you?...I just don't figure how you seem to be acting like you only found out today.*
It's not that she didn't realise her children weren't invited, she knew that and didn't bring them. What she discovered this morning on seeing the bridal party was that the couple's other nieces were invited. The new information is that some family children were included when she had assumed when her children weren't invited that all children weren't invited.

Gymrabbit · 05/08/2022 16:43

Blablasheep

absolutely.

but you always get this on mumsnet. People desperately trying to act like the OP is unreasonable when the vast majority of people in the real world would be hurt or offended by such a rude exclusion.

child free weddings- fine
weddings with close family children only - fine

weddings where some nieces attend and some are excluded - unfair and deliberately mean.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 05/08/2022 16:44

Has never been on MN 'til today, but understands the lingo used, such as 'flamed'.
Sure, OP; sure.

drpet49 · 05/08/2022 16:48

“Your new SIL is making herself popular in her new family then?

How horrible of her to include children in her own side of the family but not her husbands. If that’s the sort of person she is, I feel sorry for your BIL.”

^Me too. Luckily I don’t know any dickheads like this in real life.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/08/2022 16:52

My understanding is is they were told child free wedding so the 2 nieces can’t come. Op leaves her 2 girls with a babysitter arrives at wedding and sees 2 little girls in flower girl dresses so it’s not a childfree wedding just her 2 haven’t been invited despite being grooms nieces. So it was a shock and she worried her husband and mil who wanted nieces to be invited would also be blindsided seeing 2 little flower girls.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/08/2022 16:54

May mean I’ve never started a thread. I don’t think I ever have but know lingo.

Louise0701 · 05/08/2022 16:59

why would your husband be angry? Are you always so dramatic.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/08/2022 17:03

It really seems shortsighted and doesn’t foster good family relationship going forwards. If BIL & SIL have a baby I bet they’d expect it to be included in family events.
So 3 years down line there’s a 60th birthday party at a hotel for MIL and told no children. BIL and SIL turn up minus baby left with babysitter and first thing they see are the 2 nieces there I bet they would be miffed.
I can understand not inviting lots of random children bride and groom might not know well but nieces are different especially if other nieces are there.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/08/2022 17:08

Louise0701 · 05/08/2022 16:59

why would your husband be angry? Are you always so dramatic.

Op says he was offended his brother didn’t want his 2 children at his wedding so I can see why op would worry he’d be angry upon realising it was specifically his children excluded and other children are there.

Spohn · 05/08/2022 17:09

‘This will mar things for everyone’ 😄

Don't worry, it really, really won’t. I don’t imagine there has ever been an event where anyone has ever thought ‘y’know what would not mar this day? More kids.’

Spohn · 05/08/2022 17:11

Your husband being angry and you wanting to puke over details about someone else’s wedding doesn’t make you come across brilliantly.

RuthBrenner · 05/08/2022 17:15

Yogagrandmum · 05/08/2022 16:04

It’s odd not having children at weddings. I thought getting married was all about having children…

I might just add this to the batshit beliefs thread.

Gymrabbit · 05/08/2022 17:18

Louise0701

because he asked if his children could come to his brothers wedding and was told no, no children but the bride has 2 children from her side there?
It’s rude and dismissive of the brother and his family.

AmyDudley · 05/08/2022 17:20

Hopefully all the other guests whose kids weren't invited don't want to vomit or the whole thing is going to be a bit of a puke-fest.

Tessasanderson · 05/08/2022 17:24

Dissapointed we havent had the details of it all kicking off. About to vomit. Husband angry. Had all the hallmarks of OP bending DH ear and causing him to explode at the wedding.

Like a scene from Eastenders. ITS THEIR WEDDING. Get over yourself.