Parents have started doing what Grandparents do

[Bringbackthe90s]

Was speaking to my mum the other day and she was saying how she can’t get back to sleep after waking up at around 6 am now. She said they go downstairs and put the radio on the tv and listens to hits from the 60/70’s with a cup of coffee/tea.
Sounds a nice thing to do, but I remember my Grandparents doing similar, i don’t know, I guess I’ve become very aware of their age all of a sudden…mum 69, dad, 73

I think

The thought that I will become my mother really depresses me more than I can say. I am acutely conscious of this and will fight with everything in me not to morph into her.

I put a podcast on.

@shinynewapple22 none applies to my mum. Her parents are long gone (I have one grandma left, but she’s dad’s mum), no grandchildren. She was fine until lockdown. She admitted herself she got lazy re looking after her health. But yeah, probably I am judgmental because we don’t get on very well as my mum was very unsupportive and critical while I was teenager, hence I really wouldn’t want to become her in my 50s. It’s hard not to be critical to her in return once I’m adult

I agree with this.

Lots of people prefer the "light bite" meals. Some restaurant portions are ridiculously large and it is true that an older person is unlikely to need, or want to eat as much as someone in their 30s.

The rest is just the way it is. Age catches p with most people in the end - despite us all knowing that 92 yr old still running marathons or whatever, as a whole we 'age' because we are all getting older.

I do totally get this. A fair bit is luck of the draw. As it happens my auntie had breast cancer young but got better and has been well since. Meanwhile my DH didn’t get to age past 37.

My DP are like this, although they never get up early. They are both in their 80s and life is slower. Known to say things like 'A busy week for us. Optician on Monday, Waitrose on Tuesday, lunch out on Wednesday.'

Takes them ages to do things and they spend a lot of time sitting in between. They just don't have the same energy which is understandable, and I have to help them with technology quite often. I've noticed every 5-10 years there is another decline. I am happy they are still relatively healthy and I can see them often.

True! I was watching Sherwood and really struggled to understand some of the dialogue.

In the case of my mum and stepdad it’s not just that they eat less at meals (but manage to both snack a lot!), it’s that:

1. there’s a weird performative element to it in my mum. ‘Oh, I just couldn’t eat so much etc’. So it’s irritating.
2. there’s this weird new obsession with not wasting anything. So they package up tiny bits of half eaten stuff and serve it for the next meal. It’s not even limited to what’s left over in serving bowls, but leftovers from people’s plates.🤢
3. they serve weird, tiny portions to everyone. They’ve started serving dinner on side plates. To a 13 year old boy! In some ways the tiny plates are a mercy, because you can politely select a single potato and a couple of new bits of veg from the weird spread of foods, many of them leftovers (as above), on the table and pretend you had a meal for politeness. But then you have to find a way of actually feeding the starving teenage boy.

Oh the shopping on a specific day thing is my PIL. They declined to visit our newborn as they did the big shop on a Wednesday... Bear in mind they go daily to the same shop (Sainsbury's) for the newspapers!

I'm sorry about your husband @tunnocksreturns2019

My gran's handwriting got smaller and smaller

This can be a symptom of Parkinson’s Disease.

My Mum (mid-70s) spends a lot of time overthinking things. The latest is where the tradesmen are going to park when she has some work done on her house. It's two separate projects which she's decided can't be done at the same time because of the parking. You could park at least five cars on her property, plus the road outside! She's also going on and on about the disruption, which is why I suggested doing them simultaneously to get it over with.

Meanwhile I work with some late-70s and older people who are trustees and taking in huge amounts of information, making critical decisions, reading around that.

My DPs moved onto a retirement village aged 57 & 54 just over 22 years ago. I’m 54 next birthday & my DH will be 58. She cannot fathom why I don’t have any desire (I’d rather live in a box) to live on the same village. She can’t understand why I don’t want a bungalow. Honestly all the residents are like being at primary school. They all fall out with each other. The last argument was over someone mowing a bit of grass because it destroyed a haven for wildlife despite a massive field being less than 10 feet away. That resulted in no one talking to each other for several months. It’s like hell on Earth!

Ah, small world syndrome. Every tiny decision is a huge deal, because there are so few of them, and it’s so trivial.

I think maybe it’s nice to obsess over tiny, insignificant details, and leave all the world’s actual, big complex problems to someone else. Kind of retiring from responsibility. I’m looking forward to it. I felt it a bit while it was off with kids. My world was tiny, but at the save time utterly overwhelming.

My mother now refuses to drive on motorways. It takes her fucking years to get anywhere, which is fine, unless you are waiting for her and have an actual life. Like me.

I am in my fifties and bewildered by the amount of women I know my age who are deciding to no longer drive on motorways.

I don't drive - don't need to, live in London, but also I was a useless driver when I had lessons and after failing my test decided to do the world a favour and abandon the whole idea - believe me, the world is a safer place in consequence. However, as to why some women in their 50s might decide to stop motorway driving, could this be related to anxiety, perhaps as a result of the menopause? Feeling their reaction times are slowing down?

"I don't understand why restaurants don't cater for this more often, given that we have an ageing population. Of course restaurant portions are often ludicrously big, far bigger than they were when I was younger, and that doesn't help."

I think the restaurants are giving people what they want though. Many people just want value for money so they complain if the portions are small like they are with fine dining. It definitely doesn't help the obesity problem.

Why would anyone decide to not drive on motorways, having done it for 30-odd years? I just don’t understand it.

I can understand the reluctance to drive in the dark though. But that’s more to do with increasingly shit eyesight than anything else. Less a fear of it than a recognition that, actually, your night vision may have deteriorated to the point it’s a bad idea. Even with the right glasses.

I don't drive on motorways. 😳I just really hate it. My mum is a bit like you describe @CharlieAndTooManyCharacters We have 3 teens that eat loads and she always makes me feel like we are extravagant with portions, especially of fruit! They are all skinny, just hungry! It makes me a bit anxious.

You’ve probably always hated it though and avoided it.

going from totally happy to do it to refusing to in your 50s is odd. Maybe it’s just women who hated it and decided they aren’t doing it any more.

It's not value for money if it's either left on the plate or all eaten but leaves the diner feeling uncomfortably full. It's just greed, or conspicuous consumption. It's not healthy, and I write as a greedy person.

"It's not value for money if it's either left on the plate or all eaten but leaves the diner feeling uncomfortably full. It's just greed, or conspicuous consumption. It's not healthy, and I write as a greedy person."

I agree with you, but this is not how many customers feel.
I've tried persuading male friends to come with me for lunch somewhere like Costa and they just complain about the price for 'just a pannini' and we end up somewhere like Weatherspoons.
The worst are 'all you can eat' places of course.

At least it's your parents, my husband is doing old people things now!

My mum is 73 and my dad 71! It's sad to think of them getting older but saying that they have a better social life than me (out every night this week and got in at 1am most nights)! They swim everyday, dad does the gardening and mum is always busy! They get tired more easily but might be the late nights! I do think getting older is a state of mind... my friends have moaned about how old we are since turning 30! I'm about to turn 40 in September and don't class this as old...! Still dance in front of the mirror like a tit and sing into my hairbrush, only thing I can't do is recover from a hangover so quickly! Sending love to OP as it's horrible thinking of your folks getting older... but it also might just be a nice time for them to sit and enjoy a cuppa xxxx