My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Parents have started doing what Grandparents do

142 replies

Bringbackthe90s · 05/08/2022 10:06

Was speaking to my mum the other day and she was saying how she can’t get back to sleep after waking up at around 6 am now. She said they go downstairs and put the radio on the tv and listens to hits from the 60/70’s with a cup of coffee/tea.
Sounds a nice thing to do, but I remember my Grandparents doing similar, i don’t know, I guess I’ve become very aware of their age all of a sudden…mum 69, dad, 73

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

400 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
Nanny0gg · 05/08/2022 13:39

Caterina99 · 05/08/2022 11:50

Also yes to the “just a tiny portion for me please”

I'm nearly 70. Can't wait to reach the Tiny Portion stage!

Report
Nanny0gg · 05/08/2022 13:45

ShadowPuppets · 05/08/2022 13:05

It’s interesting, there’s 9 years between my parents, they’re currently 63 and 72. Mum has recently said to me that the age gap felt big when they got together (at 24 and 33), but slowly disappeared - yet all of a sudden it feels like it’s opened up again, because he is at this point and she isn’t. It’s strange.

I agree with your mum.

It gets very noticeable as you get older.

Report
GuyMontag · 05/08/2022 13:50

@tunnocksreturns2019 I'm sure we all want to be like your auntie. However it's not always possible. Aging is a physical process - energy levels dip, circadian rhythms are disrupted and sleep cycles change, and people do develop chronic conditions. Some of them can be managed by medication but if you have, say, Parkinson's then no amount of positive mental attitude is going to cure you.

Just as we have all sorts of ideas about the perfect parents we are going to be right up to the point we have children, so it is with aging.

Report
lightand · 05/08/2022 13:51

I asked my son recently how old is old. He replied 68.

Report
2bazookas · 05/08/2022 14:02

I'm 75. I'm always up at 6am.

I've got up at 6am since I was about 14.

HTH

Report
petridishmystery · 05/08/2022 14:07

2bazookas · 05/08/2022 14:02

I'm 75. I'm always up at 6am.

I've got up at 6am since I was about 14.

HTH

You’re not one of OP’s parents though, presumably. I don’t think the point of the thread is “old people get up at 6am”, more that her parents are now starting to do something in their older age that they didn’t used to, but her grandparents did in their older age. For them, it appears to be part of the ageing process which is why OP has noticed it. That’s how I read it.

Report
schnubbins · 05/08/2022 14:11

I'm 57 now so as old as some of your parents but although I don't work (wonky leg from and accident in my 20's) my husband and I still do lots and try to still have fun .We are jumping into my mini cabriolet tomorrow and driving through Northern Italy and south of France for the next three weeks .Some accommodation booked but we just want to see where our adventure takes us.My parents are now 87 and 84 and when I look back on photos over the years they were quite young when I thought they were old .Maybe that is just part of the Generation Gap .But honestly they have always been hard to get out of the house but my siblings and I have dragged them half way across the world and back .Otherwise I think they would have just sat in the sitting room reading newspapers .Ditto my PIL's.I cannot understand it.

Report
shinynewapple22 · 05/08/2022 14:12

@tunnocksreturns2019 sadly there are no guarantees about continuing health as you get older - either physically or mentally . Sure we can all keep ourselves active, keep interested in new things etc etc but things like dementia, cancer are a bit of a lottery - whatever you do in terms of 'prevention'

Report
shinynewapple22 · 05/08/2022 14:15

IncompleteSenten · 05/08/2022 13:27

I was so determined to never turn into my mother that I accidentally turned into my dad.

Beer belly, dad jokes and luxurious beard included. 😭

🤣

Report
xogossipgirlxo · 05/08/2022 14:16

ItsDangerousInKingsmarkham · 05/08/2022 13:21

I also agree about the retirement thing to be honest. My parents still both work a bit, are involved in various charities and societies, are very involved with grandchildren etc. My PIL retired early and have now been retired for 20 years. They do absolutely nothing with their time and are not involved in anything at all. They seem like they are in a completely different generation to my parents despite being close in age.

My DH wants to retire in his 50s and I don't really understand that way of thinking. I feel like my career will only just be getting going in my 50s as the kids will be a bit older!

TBF, I can't imagine this either. Unless it's some boring, repetitive job, but I guess it isn't? I'd have to work until I'm 70, that's for sure, but I know a woman who was still working as a nurse in her late 70s. She's fantastic person, kind of a role model for me. Very much "switched on", positive, whilst my 57 years old mum sometimes sounds like my 86yo grandma. Lost motivation to watch her weight, to exercise, only looks forward to retiring and said she will subscribe to netflix once she retires. I don't want to become such person, I really don't.

Report
EveningOverRooftops · 05/08/2022 14:19

RainyDays22 · 05/08/2022 10:07

I do the same I'm in my thirties. certainly no where near grand parent age. 😂

Snap though I’ll put a podcast on and knit, drink tea until DC is up.

Report
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 05/08/2022 14:23

EternalPoinsettia · 05/08/2022 13:26

Yep, the small portions or asking to share a sandwich with me if we're out has been going on since mid 60s. Used to think it was mad, now start to agree! I am just shy of 40!. Both parents and in laws are really acting their age, all 70s, it's disconcerting to see

What's the problem with this? I thought it was well established that older people have smaller appetites, presumably linked to being less active and having a slower metabolism. My parents (nearly 90 and 88) certainly can't eat anything like the portions they put away when younger. I don't understand why restaurants don't cater for this more often, given that we have an ageing population. Of course restaurant portions are often ludicrously big, far bigger than they were when I was younger, and that doesn't help.

Report
DoingJustFine · 05/08/2022 14:27

I wish I'd spent more time just hanging out with my mum and dad. Dad died suddenly, at home, 2 weeks ago, so now I'm round at mum's all the time. I'm wondering why I didn't do that before.

Report
shinynewapple22 · 05/08/2022 14:27

You sound very judgemental about your mum @xogossipgirlxo . I think being in your 50s can be an exhausting time for many women - often juggling caring for elderly relatives, maybe grandchildren or children still at home, often still working full time and all this while going through the menopause. I'm not surprised your mum is looking forward to putting her feet up with a bit of Netflix .

Report
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 05/08/2022 14:31

JingsMahBucket · 05/08/2022 13:22

@Laquila
Absolutely. My mum complained the other day that "Everything's so fast nowadays...everyone speaks so fast" and it was a real sort of paradigm shift for me (is that the right term?!)

Your mum's totally right though. People genuinely have started speaking more quickly in the past couple of decades, especially in media.

It's a classic sign of losing your hearing, though. Both my parents have gone through this phase, and my grandfather before them. It amused me in a bittersweet way when my Mum started saying it, as when my Dad first complained that nobody speaks clearly these days and they all mumble, Mum was very quick to say he was imagining it, she could hear perfectly well. Ten years on, Dad is doing much better with hearing aids, and Mum starts coming out with the same stuff about everybody mumbling. My Dad was delighted when I was staying with them and could say 'No, they're not' as she wouldn't listen to him.

I'm 61 and just starting to feel my hearing might not be as acute. It's sad but inevitable.

Report
JubileeTrifle · 05/08/2022 14:45

katseyes7 · 05/08/2022 12:51

She won't change the day of the week she food shops. 'Can't that day, that's my food shopping'.
This was my mam! She HAD to go food shopping at 9am on a Tuesday.
I worked shifts. So l'd was either at work, been at work til midnight the night before, or was still in bed because it was my day off.
She had literally nothing else to do (she told me that every time l saw her) but no, it had to be 9am on a Tuesday morning.
My cousin ended up taking her. Bless her.

PIL would only go shopping at 4pm on a Saturday. When FIL died it became a massive issue as obviously nobody wanted to take her shopping then.
She also wouldn’t have lots of food in, only just enough to just get by, so if no one could take her shopping she would be out. If she had any milk in the house, she wouldn’t buy more. So after she had been shopping she might run out that day and start ringing to say she needed someone to go get it.

im nearly 50 and I’ve suddenly lost the ability to sleep in. It’s awful.

Report
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/08/2022 14:45

It’s true about ‘mumbling’ on TV though. It’s the ‘realistic’ dialogue - you only have to watch some really old box set, e.g. Upstairs Downstairs or The Pallisers to hear the difference in the way the actors speak.

Report
TheSummerPalace · 05/08/2022 14:51

I don't understand why restaurants don't cater for this more often, given that we have an ageing population.

I totally agree. I used to laugh when my MIL used to complain about how she got heartburn from eating cucumber, etc; and what big portions there were in fish and chip shops! Thirty years later, and I have given up drinking citrus juices because of heartburn; and I need senior citizen portions; or DH and I share!

I also have been a nightowl all my life - but now regularly wake up at 5 - 6 am. Its part of ageing!

Report
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/08/2022 14:51

I can maybe understand specific times for shopping - Tuesday morning because that’s when you’re going to find a lot of reduced items?

Ditto late ish on Saturday - my DPs used to go then, because they’d find a lot of fresh fruit and veg bargains in the market. They weren’t hard up, but they once had been - old habits dying hard.

Report
Judd · 05/08/2022 14:59

DoingJustFine · 05/08/2022 14:27

I wish I'd spent more time just hanging out with my mum and dad. Dad died suddenly, at home, 2 weeks ago, so now I'm round at mum's all the time. I'm wondering why I didn't do that before.

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your mum are a great support to each other. Take care xx

Report
Laiste · 05/08/2022 15:05

The president of the US is 79.

Average age of the house of lords is 71.

Average age of UK MP is 50.

My mother? She's been behaving like a decrepit old woman since she was bloody 35. She started plying me with leaflets about the menopause when was in my mid 20s and whispering about The Change Hmm

No, i haven't turned into my Mother and i never intend to. She's been old forever. Such a waste.

Report
Bretonbear · 05/08/2022 15:11

My mother was born old. I would hate to have her narrow outlook on life.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

FictionalCharacter · 05/08/2022 15:15

xogossipgirlxo · 05/08/2022 12:34

Dear god, this thread is so depressing. I don't want to turn into my mother.

Me neither, no way! I’m determined not to! I’m doing ok so far because I can remember what she was like at my age and I definitely do not act like that. I think a lot depends on whether you have a similar personality to your mum - some do and some don’t - and whether your path in life is similar. I still work full time in my 60s in a fairly senior and demanding job for example, she never did. My dh is very very different to my dad so our lives together are completely different. Mum had no real interests outside the home and I do. So I don’t think it’s anything like inevitable that we turn into our mums, in fact I think that idea is ridiculous.

Report
Leftbutcameback · 05/08/2022 15:17

I think retirement is the big difference. My dad worked until 67 and at 72 still does a bit of work to keep his hand in and keep up with the industry. He's healthier now than when he retired, worked on losing weight and takes pride in being able to walk up hills without getting out of breath. It's made me think quite a bit about being fit enough to enjoy retirement, and what I would do to fill my time (although it's still 20 years away!)

Report
GuyMontag · 05/08/2022 15:18

The president of the US falls over when walking upstairs, falls over when sitting on a non moving bike, reads aloud stage directions thinking they are part of his speech ... I do not think Joe Biden is a solid argument for proof that one can be unaffected by age related problems at 79 years old.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.