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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel I should be allowed personal things kept personal

93 replies

Heatherhazel · 05/08/2022 08:06

Last night my husband and I had a difference of opinion and its unsettled me a bit.
I might be totally wrong and please tell me of I am.
First I was waiting for the shower and naked and culed in a ball on the bed watching something on my phone and he came out of the shower and jumped on top of me. My legs and arms were beneath me and he put his hands round me and startedd squeezing my boobs I told him to stop. But he kept on I couldn't move and felt really helpless.
I told him after I was disspointed he didn't stop when I told him to but he said its just boobs and it would be like me touching his nipple... 😒
Anyway we lay in bed later and he was asking me if I masterbate at all. How often. Where. What do I think of. I told him I felt uncomfortable and that if like to keep it private but he said he is my husband and should know.
Aibu or uptight?

OP posts:
Annoyedwithmyself · 05/08/2022 08:08

He should have stopped straight away, YANBU.

35965a · 05/08/2022 08:09

He sexually assaulted you. Has he done this before?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/08/2022 08:10

He’s your husband, not your client. This is not going to end well, and I think you know that. Please start looking at ways to live somewhere safe.

Testina · 05/08/2022 08:10

With a good husband, I actually think it would be a shame not to have a relationship where talking about masturbation was relaxed and easy. Though exact details of what you choose to think about are your business! Even in a good relationship.
But he doesn’t sound like a good husband 😢
Haranguing you about it - especially after his earlier behaviour - is shit.
I’m guessing this is the tip of the iceberg?

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 05/08/2022 08:13

I suspect there's more to this story.

OverrunWithPigeons · 05/08/2022 08:14

How long have you been married to this misogynist? His actions demonstrate that as you're HIS wife, he thinks he owns you. Pinning you down and groping you is very worrying. You need to tell him it's not acceptable, it scares you and not to do it again. Also you don't have to discuss anything you don't want to.

How the hell do men get to the stage of being fully functioning adults yet think that this kind of attitude and behaviour is normal or acceptable?

georgarina · 05/08/2022 08:15

Wtf no that's disgusting. Bodily autonomy 101

1VY · 05/08/2022 08:17

He sounds awful. I suspect that he abuses or controls you in other ways too - is that right?

OverrunWithPigeons · 05/08/2022 08:19

With a good husband, I actually think it would be a shame not to have a relationship where talking about masturbation was relaxed and easy. What woman ever wanted to chat to her partner about his masturbation habits?

Original poster
Heatherhazel · 05/08/2022 08:28

I actually said the same when he wasnt listening when I said I'd rather not talk about it. I'd never ask him those questions

OP posts:
lastminutedotcom22 · 05/08/2022 08:39

I think you know this isn't acceptable to jump on you on the bed and question you bit I agree with other posters I am guessing there is more to it

Don't sit there and moan leave him and do something about it

Flaunch · 05/08/2022 08:42

How are you married to someone you haven’t discussed masturbation with?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/08/2022 08:46

Noone should ever pin someone down and touch them in a way they dont want. And it's not like touching his nipples, there are sexual connotations with womens breasts. Would he be ok with someone else doing it? No, but he thinks he is 'allowed' because you're his wife. Disgusting especially when you've explained you didnt like it and he has then tried to justify it

1VY · 05/08/2022 08:55

Flaunch · 05/08/2022 08:42

How are you married to someone you haven’t discussed masturbation with?

Because people have different views about what they like to talk about . Sorry if this is a shock to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2022 08:56

Last night a naked man jumped on top of me. My legs and arms were beneath me so I was pinned down and he put his hands round me and started squeezing my boobs, which hurt. I told him to stop but he ignored me. He kept on I couldn't move and felt really helpless

Take out the husband bit. Take out the "well I was lying on his bed naked" bit. Reread what actually happened.

You need to be more than "disappointed" he pinned you to the bed, sexually touched and hurt you and wouldn't stop when you said no

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2022 08:57

Flaunch · 05/08/2022 08:42

How are you married to someone you haven’t discussed masturbation with?

Yes, that's what matters here 🙄 . Op not wanting to discuss masturbation clearly puts her in the wrong, not the guy who pinned her dow and hurt her and then tried to bully her into sexual talk

Original poster
Heatherhazel · 05/08/2022 09:01

He obviously did stop eventually but I had to say it around 7 or 8 times and really shout. He said he would have stopped straught away if I'd been serious

OP posts:
Original poster
Heatherhazel · 05/08/2022 09:05

Pressed send too soon.
I was but he said he thought I wasn't but he always says that and I tell him he needs to stop straight away.

OP posts:
KnowButNeedU2TellMeAsItIs · 05/08/2022 09:06

How does he treat you generally - this whole thing doesn’t sound right. Like there’s more to this that we don’t know - is this particular event confirming something to you - be that his disrespect for you personally, or you feeling uncomfortable around him?

Quartz2208 · 05/08/2022 09:09

SO you often ask him to stop but he doesnt because he doesnt believe you are serious?

He assaulted you OP

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/08/2022 09:09

As soon as you say no and he continues it is a sexual assault at the least, and at worst its rape or attempted rape.

Alfenstein · 05/08/2022 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alfenstein · 05/08/2022 09:10

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/08/2022 09:09

As soon as you say no and he continues it is a sexual assault at the least, and at worst its rape or attempted rape.

Touching a boob is never and will never be rape or attempted rape

Jesus Christ some on here have no clue

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 05/08/2022 09:14

@SleepingStandingUp has it absolutely right, please take the time to read it from this perspective. He does not have any rights to your body just because you are in a relationship. This man sexually assaulted you. With his questions about masterbation he is trying to bully you and break down your boundaries. This is not ok or acceptable.

nonevernotever · 05/08/2022 09:20

I wouldn't be happy Op. And ignore the ones saying that if you're married you must talk about masturbation. You are allowed not to, and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to talk about it. DH and I have been married thirtysomething years, have a great sex life, and I have never talked to him about masturbation. Our conversation is much more of the "do you like this? How about this?" Sort. And if one of us says we don't like something the other stops immediately and (crucially) remembers and doesn't try it again.