To feel I should be allowed personal things kept personal

[Heatherhazel]

Last night my husband and I had a difference of opinion and its unsettled me a bit.
I might be totally wrong and please tell me of I am.
First I was waiting for the shower and naked and culed in a ball on the bed watching something on my phone and he came out of the shower and jumped on top of me. My legs and arms were beneath me and he put his hands round me and startedd squeezing my boobs I told him to stop. But he kept on I couldn't move and felt really helpless.
I told him after I was disspointed he didn't stop when I told him to but he said its just boobs and it would be like me touching his nipple... 😒
Anyway we lay in bed later and he was asking me if I masterbate at all. How often. Where. What do I think of. I told him I felt uncomfortable and that if like to keep it private but he said he is my husband and should know.
Aibu or uptight?

sorry, husband. so then is this a sudden new behaviour?

Do you feel helpless and uncomfortable during playful interactions? Because that's how op felt. That isn't playful.

he always says that and I tell him he needs to stop straight away. He continually ignores ops boundaries and protestations. He claims he didn't know she meant it and she clarified she always does but huh, he doesn't want to stop so he won't

If I told DH to stop and he didn't because he thought I meant keep going, and I told him later he'd upset me because I'd meant stop when I said stop, he'd be mortified. But making out like I don't understand how to be fun.

I have absolutely NO interest in know how many times a week my husband masturbates.

I am have no interest in knowing whether he has lesbian porn or videos of the neighbour's wives in his wank bank.

You can have a perfectly good marriage and sex life without telling the other person all about your wanking habits.

As for the toughing and groping? Fifty shades of wrong.

@Alfenstein

But claiming that anytime anyone says stop you must do that is just ridiculous. There are many contexts the word is used in, when people are being playful, when people are wrong and asking people to stop doing something they're entitled to do and when people genuinely mean stop now.

Are you on a wind up or something?

OP is very clear she didn't say it in a playful way.

It is a fact that her husband isn't entitled to touch her body against her explicit wishes.

She DID genuinely mean no, which is why she said it to him seven or eight times.

What possible reason could be acceptable for not listening to someone saying 'stop' (not in a playful tone as is clear from OP's posts) when you're touching their naked body? Not once, twice, three times, four times, five times, six times... seven or eight times. You don't think it was clear earlier than seven or eight times in that she meant 'genuinely stop it'.

But claiming that anytime anyone says stop you must do that is just ridiculous.

Read that back and ask yourself if it sounds reasonable or sounds like something an apologist would say. Clue... it's not the first one. Quite a chilling sentence tbh.

😦 Holy crap!

Isnt it just normal, playful behaviour between spouses?

Dear god! Shocked how some women's standards are so low!

How long have you been married, OP? Does he regularly disrespect your boundaries?

It’s completely unacceptable behaviour for him to ignore you saying Stop 7 times.

I think what a lot of people are missing here is that not everyone is the same. There's a few people saying how they couldn't marry a man if they couldn't discuss masturbation with him, they have to be totally open but maybe the Op isn't like that? Some people are more private and don't want to discuss it with anyone and that's not a problem, Op got married, she didn't sign away her right to privacy.
Reading MN it seems a lot of men (not all, of course!) are a bit schoolboy about sex. They think if they grope you it will "get you going" so they pretend they don't know you mean it when you say stop, the I didn't know you meant it really means I've got nothing to lose ,I'll give it a go.
Time for an honest chat Op, tell him how you fell about this or you'll both end up unhappy. Of course, If he knows but doesn't change that's a different issue altogether

noone shold have to ask someone 7 or 8 times to stop touching them thats the point

So - as PP suspected - this was not an isolated incident OP?

I was but he said he thought I wasn't but he always says that and I tell him he needs to stop straight away.

He doesn't get to decide when your "no" is serious or not OP.
Or to coerce you into sexual talk that you do not wish to engage in.
He has no respect for your autonomy or personal space. He thinks he owns you.

In what other ways does he also control you - outside of the bedroom?

WTF are you on @Alfenstein?

When a man pins a woman down & forces sexual contact on her despite her telling him to stop 7 or 8 times there are NO implications beyond "STOP IMMEDIATELY".
And that he should have stopped 6 or 7 times ago.

It's so odd that you are pretending that OP's horrible experience has got anything in common with playfulness or disabled parking @Alfenstein.

Your life experience seems limited to telling women that their "no" should be ignored.

@Subbaxeo you seem to be reading a different thread.
OP was pinned down, could not remove herself from the situation, & had to tell her H "no" 7 or 8 times before he let her go.
If you bothered to read her updates, you'd see he has form for this.

It's neither normal or playful, & I cannot imagine why you are trying to pretend it is.

you wouldn’t discuss masturbation with a colleague but if you can’t discuss with your spouse, who can you discuss with?
OP doesn't wish to discuss it with anyone, & why should she?
You can discuss masturbation with your DH all night long if you like. But don't pop up here just to cool-girl at OP, who IS NOT YOU & is allowed her own preferences & boundaries about it.

wise up

Oh stop bullshitting & inventing scenarios to promote your hideous narrative that no means yes @Alfenstein.

The OP has said no such thing. She also has nothing to "admit" because - & let me spell this out very clearly so that even you understand - she is not the perpetrator here, her H is.

This is how OP said it:
Didn't say it in a playful manner. Maybe a tired or frustrated manner to start with and then sterner.

Stop putting words into her mouth, & stop defending the indefensible you utter melt.

OP,

Your marriage sounds abusive and he sounds awful.

If you don't have children, get out of this situation.

If you do, call Womens aid for a chat and support.

Jumping on your wife, sexually assaulting then and holding them immobile is highly abusive.

Ah. You’re a man @Alfenstein right?

Possibly even the OP's husband.

The default position should be that when a woman says no she means no. And the same for a man, if he says no he means no.