Surely two is not really easier than one?

[sarahb083]

I have one 18mo DD and not planning on having any more. People keep telling me that two is easier than one because they play together. But even if siblings are the best of friends and never fight (very unlikely 😂), you still have to care for and raise a whole other human! Am I missing something?

No two aren’t easier. My second one was naughtier and more opinionated (and kept stripping naked and running away)

my first was quiet and super well behaved and quite content to amuse herself.

Not when they're babies and toddlers. But school age upwards I found it easier. But they are the same gender, pretty close in age and played quite nicely together. Certainly easier on holidays and days out over the years, and as they became teens they went off and did their own thing or activities as a pair.

But the time you're saving on not playing with them is balanced out by twice as much washing as one child, cooking, the active parenting stuff, running to clubs and friends houses, dealing with personal dramas etc.

The work isn't twice as much, not nearly. Not all children create drama.
The joy and family unity is more than twice as much though.

Mine are 2 years apart and were an absolute team between the ages of 1 and 13. There was a brief period when they had less in common as one reached puberty before the other but then a couple of years later they were best friends again. Still are at 24 and 26.

Depends how old they are. I have an 11 YO a 9YO and a 2 YO. If you took the 2YO out of the equation I would say the older 2 are easier together as they entertain each other, play together, are a close united etc. While they were babies toddlers, hell no lol! I have many friends with only children who struggle to keep them occupied and feel constantly duty-bound to have endless playmates.

So in a nutshell I would say baby /toddler 1 definitely easier, as they get older 2 easier

Mine 2 were easier for a while than 1. DD2 was an easy baby and DD1 an easy toddler, so that worked, and they played together well for the first few years. Also, I didn't much enjoy the baby stage, I found it boring. So my second maternity leave was more fun than the first as there was a toddler to interact with, plus I'd got better at breastfeeding, doing everything with a baby in tow, etc.

My patience suffered though the second time round. I'd been used to distracting DD1 when she was being difficult, and that wasn't so easy when I had two and they both need you at once.

I have read that on mn but it is NOT true

Not easier, but not much more difficult!

2 is much harder in lots of ways.... mine are almost 2 and almost 7, it's only in the last few months that the age gap has become a struggle, and even more so during these summer holidays!
Loads of stuff I want to do with my eldest, isn't suitable for my littlest and vice versa, like the cinema etc I can't take them both swimming at the same time as the littlest clings to me like a monkey and the eldest can swim really well and wants to be in the deep end.
Whatever the big one is playing, the little one wants in on and usually destroys it etc.

We've had a 'testing' day today, so maybe that is clouding my judgement a little bit :P

Oh and and of course it means you have two to get to bed each night....

I'm sure it will get easier as the little one becomes less little, but at the moment, no, two definitely isn't easier than one!

@Heckythump1 Yours is an age gap problem though, not the number of DC.
A 5 year gap might as well be 10 or 15, like having two only children IYSWIM.

It was easier in the newborn stage because with DC1 I remember it was sooo lonely and we had no routine. With DC2 we were already in the nursery/child routine, I knew other parents, and I felt a lot more 'part of the world' than I had the first time.

And it is easier when they play together, rather than you having to entertain one.

But obviously it's also more work, organisation, laundry, cooking etc.

Harder when they are younger but mine are now 2 and a half and 5 and they play together really nicely and days out are lovely. They are really close and I honestly couldn't imagine not having 2. I genuinely think they would be lost without each other as well.

They are nuts. Kids may get along, but more often they fight each other for your attention. Plus before they even get to the playing stage there's two in nappies (maybe not depending on gap), two to get up and ready in the morning etc etc. when older two lots of clubs/sport activities, clothes, parties, their friends parties, two sets of play dates...
Two kids are four times the effort of one.

I fell for that line, my mum was adamant 2 was easier and best to have them close together.

The first 2 years was hell on earth, 21 months between my 2 dses. I would have given anything to go back and change it.

Once they got older it was fine but now they are both heading to University a year apart and life has become very expensive.

My only is very capable of entertaining himself. We actually like joining in on his fun, today I went surfing with him and DH played a lot of football!

It's eventually easier. They entertain each other.

Yes definitely an age gap thing, but it's definitely a 2 children thing and absolutely nothing like having 2 only children :P

Tbh, I don’t remember it being any harder going from 1-2 or 2-3, but 3-4 was the straw that almost broke me 😂 4-5 was a positive breeze

Seriously, do whatever feels right to you

Just an anecdote, I took a friend out with three of my kids the other day. He was an only child. Afterwards, he said that he’d never missed not having a sibling, but after being out with us, he really felt like he’d missed out. But not all fa,lies are as close as mine, I know I’m really lucky.

In general I'd say one is definitely easier than 2... And quieter lol.

See my nephew is the opposite and use to struggle spending time with my kids as he found them too loud and wasn’t use to such a busy house he was always relieved to go home to the calm 😅

You're right that there is more to do practically speaking (two sets of baths, teeth, laundry.....), but in my experience it can be mentally easier. It's not all focused on one child anymore which can be intense, your child gets love and attention from another person (their sibling) not just you, and you are forced to learn to embrace some chaos which ends up being a good thing

Others have said all the wise things already. My 10 cents’-worth is simply as follows:

We thought it would be nice to provide a sibling for DS1, and ended up with twin boys. No IVF, no family history of twins. So now I have 3 boys and everything is chaos and louder than you could ever, ever imagine. So if you do decide to have another kid, don’t assume you will only get one other kid 😏

It is most definitely not lol. I didn’t appreciate how much easier it is having only the 1 until I had 2 and then even more so when we added number 3. 2 and 3 are only 2 and 7 months though so we’re right in the thick of the baby and toddler stage at the same time which is… interesting.

I love them all dearly; but that’s not to say it’s easy having 3, as much of the time it’s not.

I would say it's 1.5 times harder but not twice.

This perfectly sums up why I found having two easier from the outset. I was so much more relaxed and confident once I had two. Sure, logistically it's harder for a bit and I could have done with a few more hands, but I was way less anxious about everything with two.

Now 6 and 8 and they're great mates, they keep each other busy for hours and take the pressure off me and DH to provide all the input. When I spend time with friends and their one child I genuinely think my life is easier. Depends on the personalities though, we got lucky that they mostly get on and like the same things.

I would say it's about 1.5 times as hard. A lot of the stuff you're already doing for 1 ( food etc) so it's no more work to do it for 2. As they get older they will also entertain each other to an extent