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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Surely two is not really easier than one?

112 replies

sarahb083 · 04/08/2022 13:15

I have one 18mo DD and not planning on having any more. People keep telling me that two is easier than one because they play together. But even if siblings are the best of friends and never fight (very unlikely 😂), you still have to care for and raise a whole other human! Am I missing something?

OP posts:

tinkertailor2 · 04/08/2022 13:36

Obviously all children are different and have different dynamics but my experience is that it definitely isn't twice as hard. Mine have a five year age gap so although they're not playing with the same things, they do get on and the older one helps the younger one.
The hardest few years of my life were when I had 1 and she only wanted me to play with.

Bluepolkadots42 · 04/08/2022 13:38

Had #2 at start of year and can safely say 2 not easier than 1! We have found that 2 isn't as hard as we thought but that is purely down to luck that #2 has been a very easy baby so far- it is still definitely more work than 1. If you have any doubts my advice would be don't do it because you never know if you'll end up with #2 being a really tricky baby.

RishiRich · 04/08/2022 13:45

IME two is definitely not easier than one. Mine are pre-teens and they bicker constantly. I wouldn't be without either of them now they're here but my older one would probably be happier as an only.

Itiswasitis90 · 04/08/2022 13:46

It's a lie and they want to see you suffer 😂

WhatIsModeration · 04/08/2022 13:46

You think you have no time to yourself when you have a baby. You know what no time to yourself actually feels like when you have a second!

My two are almost 26 months and 5 months and it's RELENTLESS!!

Riapia · 04/08/2022 13:46

It’s something said by those with two to lure some other poor sucker in.

Kam610 · 04/08/2022 13:48

Nope, having 2 is more than twice as hard 🤣 especially with a short age gap. I have 22 months between my two and it's incredibly difficult. But it is getting slightly easier now that my youngest is getting bigger and not so fragile.

acorntotree · 04/08/2022 13:49

I definitely find it easier in the school holidays and my ds is around then when it's just me and dd. They play with each other and honestly rarely fight and I barely see them all day. When it's just me and dd I have to entertain her constantly. All children are different though and mine are very close in age so have very similar interests.

ecnatsid · 04/08/2022 13:52

For me going from 0 children to 1 DS was very intense and hard. Going from 1-2 was easier because I had a small enough gap that I was still in the baby phase and felt like I knew what was going on and what to expect.

That said, childcare costs are crippling me, DS2 hasn't slept more than 3 hours consecutively and at times it's extremely challenging.

But I wouldn't change it, kids are the best of friends, everything we do is suitable for both of them due to the small age gap, both at similar stages at the same time.

I love it, glad I had DS2 but no more babies for me, haha.

IclimbedSnowdon · 04/08/2022 13:52

There's 13 months between my two. Ds had just started walking when dd arrived. I found it no more difficult than I had with just the one. They were also great company for each other when a little older, freeing up time for me to get on with things around the house.

They've remained very close into adulthood. It wasn't planned to have them so close but if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.

Wishyfishy · 04/08/2022 13:53

For me it is kind of, yes.

When DC2 was a baby it was maybe 110% of the work as just having one. So a bit extra but not much. I was still preparing food for DC1, just wearing DC2 in a sling while I did it etc. There was still only one of me and one pair of hands and one thing I could be doing at the time so maybe I played a bit less because of DC2 - activities just replaced each other.
I suppose it “helped” that DC1 was still sleeping poorly when I had DC2 so it’s not like I went from sleeping through the night to up every hour. I just continued co-sleeping.

Now they are older it is absolutely easier. They play together and get what they need from each other, not me, so I can concentrate on feeding and tidying up around them and the bits of parenting I really like, like reading to them and setting up craft ideas and helping with homework. If we go out to a wood I can sit down and just watch them play. If we are at a playground they run around with each other and I’m there to hand out snacks and keep an eye. I find it MUCH harder work when one has a play date on their own.

With them running around the garden together I get to sit down with a cup of tea and a book!

SallyWD · 04/08/2022 13:54

The honest answer is that it some ways it's easier and in other ways it's not. Obviously you have another person to look after so that's not easier - however, I do find that once you've already become a mother it's not much of an adjustment to your life to look after 2 (as you've already made such major adjustments to your life just by having 1!). It's hard and exhausting when they fight and bicker. It can really wear you down! It is easier when they play together. My two can amuse themselves together for hours and it's lovely for me! Sometimes the eldest will want to put her brother to bed, make his lunch etc. During these times I do think it's easier having 2 rather than one child who would want me to do everything.

JumpTheGun · 04/08/2022 14:00

However much extra work there is caring for two small humans rather than one, it is ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT for every minute they can spend talking to each other about Minecraft and Pokémon instead of boring on to me about it.

RosieRoww · 04/08/2022 14:06

Just because they are two, doesn't mean that they are gonna play together.
I have a boy and a girl and both of them wants to play very differently, that said they are playing together sometimes, but majority of the time they argue or are just equally bored like singletons.😅

sunshineamongsttheshitstorm · 04/08/2022 14:08

Well no it's not easier in a care aspect but as mine have got a little older I will say it it definitely easier for me now in an entertainment aspect as they hang out together, play in the garden, talk to eat other, play games together etc and leave me to get on with other things. Plus they absolutely adore each other and as a parent it's just amazing to watch and see their relationship 🤍

1000yellowdaisies · 04/08/2022 14:24

At the beginning its harder, esp if you have two in nappies1 at the same time... but when they are slightly older and out of the baby phase yes it is easier because they do amuse themselves.... my two will play happily together while i do chores and cook tea.. on the odd occasion i have 1 at home with just me they are much more needy and need non stop entertaining...

KnightKnurse · 04/08/2022 14:27

When they get older, if they are close in age, and are compatible, then it can be easier in some aspects such as they can play and entertain each other, be company for each other. You do get more efficient by number 2, and there might be some synergy, but in reality I found it a lot more work.

Wishyfishy · 04/08/2022 14:29

@acrontree I feel this so much.
Days with two together are a dream compared to one on their own.

My DC have a few friends in common (well, they are DC1’s friends who get on well enough and include DC2) so those friends are free to come around during holidays but I desperately try and avoid play dates that are for one child only. It basically creates a problem that doesn’t exist.

And I suppose in answer to the OP’s caring for another person question. The bits like washing, cooking etc are certainly not twice the effort. It doesn’t take me twice as long to cook double the pasta for instance. My DC don’t have identical tastes in food but I try and cook what I know they’ll both eat or make simple substitutions, I won’t create double the work for myself. You can put two in the bath together, at least until they’re old enough to do it themselves anyway - that sort of thing.
The bit I and my friends find the most draining about parenting the early years are finding ways to entertain the DC and the hours and hours of role play and imaginative play. In this regard, it’s very much killing two birds with one stone and in fact often, no stone at all (!) as they go off and do it together. I think the first few times I had to call out “OK, we’ll if you two are so busy playing just let me know when you’re ready for bed!” I could have cried with happiness.

donutosaurus · 04/08/2022 14:34

Not a chance!

neverbeenskiing · 04/08/2022 14:34

Two can definitely be more than twice as hard. Especially if you're like me and your second has SEND. He's wonderful, but our lives would definitely be a lot easier if we'd stopped at one.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 04/08/2022 14:37

Nope, 2 is definitely not easier than one! I have twins' vs friends' solos. We all agree that one is a walk in the park in comparison with 1.
Even now, they are 4.5, it's fucking relentless, with two extremely high energy girls with additional needs. I'm ragged as a single parent. 😅
But, as hard as it has been, I wouldn't change it for the world.

lickenchugget · 04/08/2022 14:40

Nope, IMO people who have more than one seem to get a bit upset that you might not join them in misery in the early years having 2/3.

They might play together sometimes but it will be harder most of the time.

treenu · 04/08/2022 14:48

Haha - they are having you on.

I feel I like I lost any independence I had for sure with two. Fewer people want to look after both so that we can go out together.

Bedtime is tougher as they both need attention so my running stopped. We alternate children each night as otherwise they compete for attention and it's not a positive, calm experience...

I love them both dearly and when they play nicely it's a dream. However I feel like it's alway on a knife edge. I'm never fully relaxed.

Crackercrazy · 04/08/2022 14:50

No it’s not. (My DD was 2 when I had my 2nd baby. I later had a third but found that much easier.)

However, when they’re a bit older they can be company and entertain each other so in that sense it’s a bit easier. Until they grow up and don’t want anything to with each other 🙄

And the bickering…. It never stops.

RooRem2 · 04/08/2022 14:50

Not in my case🤯

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