Page 3 | Surely two is not really easier than one?

sarahb083 · 2022-08-04T12:15:00+00:00

I have one 18mo DD and not planning on having any more. People keep telling me that two is easier than one because they play together. But even if siblings are the best of friends and never fight (very unlikely 😂), you still have to care for and raise a whole other human! Am I missing something?

jammiewhammie65 · 04/08/2022 14:51

No that's a lie

Meatshake · 04/08/2022 14:55

Mine are 5 and 3, they are significantly easier when at home than their 6 year old cousin, but they are harder out and about.

They are very good friends and I try not to intervene/referee their arguments too much unless it's getting overly one sided

womaninatightspot · 04/08/2022 15:00

My youngest are twins. They do play alot and entertain each other for hours but it was brutal when they were small. Parents of one tend to be good at organising play dates and days out.

MsTSwift · 04/08/2022 15:00

Soon as youngest was 3 they played really well. Same sex. As teens broadly get on makes life so much easier as a family. Anecdotally parents we know with only children have to make far more effort entertaining them.

Lunalae · 04/08/2022 15:23

I think the second can feel more chilled because you stop stressing over small shit, you stop turning leaving the house into a massive drama and you just roll with it. I found the second easier because by that point I'd long given up all that nonsense the books/websites make you do like carrying snacks and special bags and all that. The second was only a day old when she was in the pram, coming along on my daily chores and whatever. No time for sitting about fussing, you just get on with things.

The child itself is, of course, different. I don't see how 'they play together' has any bearing on the nature of parenting, it's not like the elder one raises them! Silly thing to say, really. My kids are very close and it's wonderful to see.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2022 15:26

Darkness22 · 04/08/2022 13:22

To begin with absolutely horrendous. From school age it's brilliant. They absolutely keep each other company and free you up. I think they need to be close in age though.

The thing is ...
If you have two close in age and they're easier cos they entertain each other, you really have no idea what having one of them on their own would have been like and whether the entertainment would have balanced out the extra washing, cleaning and refereeing. And it's really pot luck if they like each other or not

HappyHappyHermit · 04/08/2022 15:27

I find my one pretty easy, I definitely don't think it would be better with two. I think some parents just get into a rhythm and know what they are doing second time around so it seems easier. I love playing with dd, but equally she is great at using her imagination and playing in her own little world at times.

LarchFairy · 04/08/2022 15:40

It depends.
The first year is harder. But after that if you have a small enough age gap they will entertain each other until they are teenagers.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2022 15:43

LarchFairy · 04/08/2022 15:40

It depends.
The first year is harder. But after that if you have a small enough age gap they will entertain each other until they are teenagers.

I have a four minute gap. Entertaining each other just as often involves hair pulling and fighting over toys

SleeplessInEngland · 04/08/2022 15:44

I've never heard anyone say that, because of course it's absurd.

MsTSwift · 04/08/2022 16:03

It’s not absurd though. Mine played really well for hours. I used to be able to sunbathe and read on holiday as they played together nicely. So yes for us two is definitely easier than one after the baby / toddler stage.

HappyHappyHermit · 04/08/2022 16:10

@MsTSwift But I can do that with one too?

Probably in reality it's not really that much different most of the time!

Goldencarp · 04/08/2022 16:16

What rubbish. Mine are 14 months apart and have never played together. They’re teenagers now and don’t spend any time at all together, they don’t even argue 😂

abovedecknotbelow · 04/08/2022 16:20

I've got twins, they were a pita at the beginning but great now. I wouldn't want them at two different ages, hard work.

JennyForeigner · 04/08/2022 16:29

I dunno, we have a single and then twins and the twins have been way easy-going compared to our oldest. From the start they have seemed content just to have another presence around, so they sleep better at night and are happy with parents wandering off to hang out washing in a way that would have totally freaked our first out.

The three of them are starting to entertain each other, and the group dynamics are starting to work for everyone.

longdistanceclaraaa · 04/08/2022 16:39

Darkness22 · Today 13:22

To begin with absolutely horrendous. From school age it's brilliant. They absolutely keep each other company and free you up. I think they need to be close in age though.

This kind of thing is music to my ears. My eldest is about to start school and there are 22 months between them, so it's been full on to say the least but the above is what we are aiming for!

Darkness22 · 04/08/2022 16:48

longdistanceclaraaa

Yes! I think we had 20 months. Nearly killed us, but so worth it now. Years 5 and 6. Yes, they argue, but they really keep each other entertained. I can watch whole series on Netflix and read books! They can have more independence as they can go off and play "as long as they stick together".

Love/hate, but they are a definite team.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 04/08/2022 16:50

Going by the number of people who say things like ‘why did I have multiple children, why did I think a playmate was a good idea etc’ to me then I assume it is harder to have 2. I have one school age DC and he is an absolute breeze. He doesn’t rely on me to play though (apart from board games which I enjoy) which I imagine helps. We do a lot of days out but I enjoy those too so don’t see them as entertaining DS but having fun together. At home he is happy to give me plenty of time to read etc.

MsTSwift · 04/08/2022 17:18

How rude to say my comment is rubbish! Think I might have noticed that my own kids have amused each other and played nicely for the last god know how many years 🙄. My 8 year old nephew who is an only child is a flipping nightmare and requires an adults full on attention at all times way easier to send 2 “off to play”. Know it’s personality driven and not all only children like that before I get hounded but sorry the ones I know are

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2022 17:27

MsTSwift · 04/08/2022 16:03

It’s not absurd though. Mine played really well for hours. I used to be able to sunbathe and read on holiday as they played together nicely. So yes for us two is definitely easier than one after the baby / toddler stage.

But the time you're saving on not playing with them is balanced out by twice as much washing as one child, cooking, the active parenting stuff, running to clubs and friends houses, dealing with personal dramas etc. I'm not sure it's as easy as "well I never had to play with them"

JassyRadlett · 04/08/2022 17:38

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2022 17:27

But the time you're saving on not playing with them is balanced out by twice as much washing as one child, cooking, the active parenting stuff, running to clubs and friends houses, dealing with personal dramas etc. I'm not sure it's as easy as "well I never had to play with them"

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Cooking for two kids requires no more effort than cooking for one, even with my picky eaters. Laundry is laundry, it doesn't take that much time.

Yes to the ferrying around and their social lives, though it's suddenly got much easier with the nearly 11yo organising his own social life more these days. We try to organise their activities so they're in similar places at the same time; conversely one at an activity means some nice one on one time with the other.

But once their screens go off on a Sunday morning (no activities, screens go off at 9), we generally don't see them for hours as they're off with each other. I don't always have to play chasing games or be goalie down at the park.

I have a four year age gap but they still find lots in common (as well as lots to argue about. I think a lot depends on your kids and how well they get on.

Two is more work, for sure. Whether it's overall easier and/or better will really depend on the kids involved.

Blughbablugh · 04/08/2022 17:53

Watermelonsugarhighlove · 04/08/2022 13:16

Nope add in all the extra expenses plus if you have a boy and a girl no hand me downs in clothing 🤣

But having said that I know they have each other when their dad and I are no longer.

That's not necessarily the case. I have 2 and would love for them to be in each others lives forever and will do all I can to nurture that. However I have no contact with my brothers. One of them ignores my existence and the other one let's just say I hope to never ever see again! So it's not a guarantee really.

cantcomplainabouttheweather · 04/08/2022 17:57

Well number two was twins. I find it easier than my first and yes all 3 play together and the eldest is a big help with them

I don't agree with being deliberately one and done though

BringOnSummerHolidays · 04/08/2022 18:03

It’s easier because they entertain each other. I don’t have to sort play dates all the time or send them to holiday clubs while I’m working from home. They are 8 and 11.

BecauseICan22 · 04/08/2022 18:04

1 to 2 was BRUTAL. 2 to 3 was a doddle. We may now go for number 4.