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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking teen sleepover a bad idea?

102 replies

Tereo · 04/08/2022 05:54

I'm going away with 4 friends and their kids for a night this month. We ve each rented a hut at an activity campsite. Our kids are all teenagers and they just meet once or twice a year. Last year they ended up organising an impromptu sleepover in one of the huts. I didn't think it was a great idea at the time as there was a mix boys and girls.
AIBU to suggest to the friends in advance to let the kids all stay up as late as they like but sleep in their own family hut?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/08/2022 06:05

How old are they all?

Flamingoose · 04/08/2022 06:08

Sounds like great fun. I'd be fine with it.
What are your concerns OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2022 06:30

A sleep over between mixed sex teens. I’d want to be sure of the dynamic and no sex etc. How old are they? I’d perhaps let my 14 yo dd have a sleepover with my friend’s boy in each other’s bedrooms for example (Deffo zero attraction there) but idk if I would like it in a separate hut.

Original poster
Tereo · 04/08/2022 08:05

Thanks for the replies... My lads are 16 and 14... The girls are similar ages. I know both the girls are used to doing mixed sleepover s where they stay up all night (they're both from rural places, mine from city and don't have them here). So don't want to sound OTT
Just afraid it's throwing them into a situation and giving someone enough tope to make a fool of themselves or do something inappropriate and ruin their nights? Don't really know what I'm worried about but just makes me uneasy. Can imagine the shenanigans we might have got up to at same age😂

OP posts:
Sellie555 · 04/08/2022 08:10

I’d let them crack on, my kids went to mixed sleepovers as teens and it was all fine,

they are probably doing these kind of things behind your back anyway tbh. I’ve always believed in having an extremely open and trusting relationship with my kids and they are totally comfortable with telling me private and intimate stuff (sometimes stuff I really don’t wanna hear lol). They are now 17 and 20

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 08:13

wtf?

not a chance I would have my teens those ages sleeping in a mixed hit with other teens they see once a year!

firstly - I love my teens company and would love them staying up with them as late as they wish (within reason), but then back to family hit, decent night sleep and then brekkie with me in the morning.

secondly - I hardly know the other teens, and not do my own teens, in this scenario. So big fat no from me

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 04/08/2022 08:17

It's unlikely that teens who rarely see each other will have an orgy in a hut. Let them live a bit!

ShowOfHands · 04/08/2022 08:19

My DD is 15 and regularly has her male friends to stay over. In fact, on her birthday, she and 8 15yr old boys slept in one big tent in the garden (I'll give you my last Rolo if you correctly guess what I caught them doing at 4am!).

Teenagers who don't see each other often? Hmm. I'm not really sure. I trust my DD implicitly and tbh, she's unlikely to even want to do it due to the fact they're not established friends.

If you're not happy with it, you're not happy with it.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 08:19

I absolutely would not want my 14 year old daughter overnight in a hut with two male teens she sees once a year, that I don’t know very well myself.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 08:23

ShowOfHands · 04/08/2022 08:19

My DD is 15 and regularly has her male friends to stay over. In fact, on her birthday, she and 8 15yr old boys slept in one big tent in the garden (I'll give you my last Rolo if you correctly guess what I caught them doing at 4am!).

Teenagers who don't see each other often? Hmm. I'm not really sure. I trust my DD implicitly and tbh, she's unlikely to even want to do it due to the fact they're not established friends.

If you're not happy with it, you're not happy with it.

Does she not have any close girlfriends out of interest?

Motherofalittledragon · 04/08/2022 08:34

No I wouldn't be allowing it I'm afraid.

ShowOfHands · 04/08/2022 08:49

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 08:23

Does she not have any close girlfriends out of interest?

Show quote history

She has one close female friend who she's known since primary but said friend moved to private education in y4 so they're not at school together. They still see each other a lot. DD is staying at her house tonight in fact and she came on holiday with us earlier this year. She has female friends at school too but her main group of friends are boys (4 very close, tight knit friends and then 4 other very good friends).

littlefireseverywhere · 04/08/2022 08:50

I’d go with what they want.

jammiewhammie65 · 04/08/2022 08:52

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 08:13

wtf?

not a chance I would have my teens those ages sleeping in a mixed hit with other teens they see once a year!

firstly - I love my teens company and would love them staying up with them as late as they wish (within reason), but then back to family hit, decent night sleep and then brekkie with me in the morning.

secondly - I hardly know the other teens, and not do my own teens, in this scenario. So big fat no from me

What do you think they are going to do then ? Just curious what are scared of ? I understand you might like the teens company but they sure as hell won't want to be in yours all night !

InChocolateWeTrust · 04/08/2022 08:53

I wouldnt. Boys can be opportunistic, girls can think they "want" to do something that wouldn't even enter their head without the pressure of the situation.

InChocolateWeTrust · 04/08/2022 08:57

I'm not even talking about sexual intercourse here. A lot of boys that age are impulsive and poor at reading signals, it only takes a silliness suggesting games like spin the bottle, and you could end with a very upset teen who's on the wrong end of a poorly judged fumble etc.

Of course these things can happen regardless but you don't need to hand out opportunities on a plate.

The teens I knew at school who were put in these situations nearly all unpleasant sexual experiences that were regretted.

Original poster
Tereo · 04/08/2022 08:59

InChocolateWeTrust · 04/08/2022 08:53

I wouldnt. Boys can be opportunistic, girls can think they "want" to do something that wouldn't even enter their head without the pressure of the situation.

This is it.. My lads are great and very open with me but they're very inexperienced and young (and pumped with hormone s no doubt)
This just seems like they're all thrown into a situation and maybe out of their depth. Mine are very inexperienced, the girls are much more sophisticated and the ones who suggested the sleepover last year.
Just think it could end up being a bad experience for someone when we could keep it fun

OP posts:
Sooverthisnow · 04/08/2022 09:00

Too young at that age.
If they were all 2-3years older then yes.

MsTSwift · 04/08/2022 09:02

Follow your instincts. Say no. It would likely be fine but there’s a risk it could go very very wrong. The minor upside (jolly japes for teens) is not worth that risk. Stick to your guns. They can hang out and have fun all day and evening but go to bed in their own beds in the family accommodation. No debate.

VladsPants · 04/08/2022 09:03

I have teen boy and girl of the same age and wouldn’t let either of them.

And you might think that they only see each other a couple of times a year but if they get on they’ve quite likely been Snapchatting inbetween time so who knows what’s been said or worse.

It’s a no from me.

LuaDipa · 04/08/2022 09:22

My ds has always had mixed sleepovers as we live rurally so it’s just easier (I set up the spare room for the girls but leave them to it when I go to bed). However I’ve recently started saying no. On a couple of occasions I noticed some behaviour I didn’t like from one of the boys (not ds thankfully) that made me think twice. Nothing really sinister but I feel responsible for these kids and I would hate for anything to happen on my watch. The girls still come and stay late, but I always wait up now and either drop them home or one of the mums come to collect them.

You’re the parent, it’s your call. Trust your instincts.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 10:37

jammiewhammie65 · 04/08/2022 08:52

What do you think they are going to do then ? Just curious what are scared of ? I understand you might like the teens company but they sure as hell won't want to be in yours all night !

Show quote history

Teens.

what do I think they’re going to do?

Do you have or even know young / mid teens?!

Their brains work in a very different way to adults. The hormones, the insecurities, the different approach to risk ie much less usually!

it is not about not trusting my teens.

it is about being a parent and seeing that a 14 year old and to a lesser extent a 16 year old - is just not in the right place in their development to have a mixed sleep over in a detached hut with other teens that hardly know and see once a year.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 10:39

If you’re a “cool” parent - you will likely say yes.

but I have no interest in being a “cool” parent.

i will make decisions based on what I think is right for my teens. Can they stay up late with them in the hut? Yes.

will I expect them both back by midnight and to pop in to my bedroom to let me know they’re back? Yes

RefuseTheLies · 04/08/2022 10:43

Don’t think you can really dictate what other teens do. Tell your own where they are sleeping.

10HailMarys · 04/08/2022 10:45

If there's going to be a whole mixed group of them, it's fine. They're not going to start shagging in front of each other or planning some kind of orgy. Provided they've got somewhere private to get changed, nothing's going to happen.