Thinking teen sleepover a bad idea?

[Tereo]

I'm going away with 4 friends and their kids for a night this month. We ve each rented a hut at an activity campsite. Our kids are all teenagers and they just meet once or twice a year. Last year they ended up organising an impromptu sleepover in one of the huts. I didn't think it was a great idea at the time as there was a mix boys and girls.
AIBU to suggest to the friends in advance to let the kids all stay up as late as they like but sleep in their own family hut?

You sound very confident about that! It will probably be fine but if it isn’t the consequences could be dire - for kids well being and ops friendship with other parents. Just not worth it!

😐

do you know the personalities of these teens?

or just a sweeping statement that nothing will happen based on… what?

And even putting aside “consequences”

it is about not putting your young / mid teen in a scenario that just may not actually be pleasant for them in reality ie 14 year old recently started periods and has her period or 16 year old boy feeling as horny as hell.

This.

I know an orgy isn't going to happen but quiet fumbling in a corner, why not!
Thanks for replying all I've decided I'll say I've told the boys they've to sleep in their own hut.
I know everyone has pleasant /unpleasant /odd sexual experiences and it's a normal part of growing up but not going to throw them into it, is feel responsible. There was no real getting out of it last year. And imagine one of my sons upset one of my oldest friends daughters! Nightmare!

Why post on AIBU if you're so sure on what course of action you'll be taking?

Err... my teenage years would beg to differ, I'm afraid. Not in front of each other, but a quiet corner - of course it could happen.

I would say no OP. You don't know them very well, and 16 is a lot older emotionally than 14.

Because getting a few replies that confmed my worries about it helped me decide

Totally reasonable question don’t get the snarky response 🙄. The fact people think differently proves it’s not a no brainer either quite mixed responses.

So you were looking for people to agree with you

Despite many disagreeing

How sad

I also think there is no need to sleep together. If they were younger or older yes, but that age is a bit tricky. I am not sure they would even want to if they're not good friends already!

A close friend's then 14 year old daughter went to a mixed gathering of 14-16 year olds during the day, at one of the boys' houses.

She already knew and was quite friendly with the 16 year old boy (who was a pupil at the school where my close friend taught) who ended up raping her.

Just sayin'.

Why are you being so horrible Alfenstein?! So if op gets loads of whining from her friends dds she can hold firm knowing lots of others would hold the line too.

Horrible?

More asking why bother posting if you have your mind made up.

No point.

On Mn you'll always find someone who agrees, it's not some green tick that your view is valid or normal.

Sigh

I'm quite torn on this actually, I think a lot of it depends on how much you trust your boys and what the dynamic is between them and the girls going. If you trust them and feel the dynamic is safe enough and they were to go I'd set down clear boundaries for them and make an agreement with them around how they'd handle various situations. However if you didn't feel they were mature enough to be ready for that environment just yet then suggest what you are comfortable with and say to your friends you don't think your boys are ready just yet. I don't think it's unreasonable to have concerns you just want what's best for all the kids involved and let's be honest if something did go wrong it would be awkward for your friendships too. So you're just trying to protect that.

It's her kids at the end of the day so she doesn't need to take your advice or agree with your opinion if she doesn't want to. You're free to have one and she's free to ignore it! She did state earlier she wanted help making up her mind.

I've decided I'll say

the op has read the responses and come to a decision.

This sounds a bit much? When are they supposed to socialise with their own age if you're constantly with them? I agree breakfast in the morning all together is lovely but is it necessary for you to stay up with her and make her go to bed with you? Even if they were allowed to socialise with the other teens in the different hut but came back to sleep in the family ones.
You see them all year round! If I were a teen I would definitely build up a sense of resentment with no personal space, surely you have to let them start learning to live independently?

@Alfenstein

do you have children? Teens? Just out of interest

I went to mixed sex sleepovers loads at that age and it was totally fine. The worst we ever did was drink a couple of Smirnoff ice and play “strip poker” which was actually a game of uno where pretty much nobody took off more than a hoodie and a couple of socks

2

15 and 13

Would have 0 issue with this in the context OP describes.

But this is MN, where even if you post you're considering not allowing your 25 year old daughter home alone for the weekend you'll find one crazy who agrees.

Users tend to over index on batshittery

When I am “constantly with them”??

i would be so happy with them socialising alone in the hut with them until late. Midnight.

but I just wouldn’t want them staying the night in a very confined space with other boys / girls they see once a year and I have very little idea what they’re like too

As I write that post both my teens are out with their friends.

and I am loving a quiet coffee in the garden

shudder at the thought of “constantly” being with them

Who made you queen of how people use the AIBU board @Alfenstein ?

The kids 14 what are you on about? Your bitchiness isn’t even making any sense.