‘Are you rich?’

[Merryoldgoat]

I am NOT rich but my DH and I are comfortable. We live in a 3 bed end of terrace (it’s a bit bigger than average - certainly not massive).

We’ve had a few play dates now for DS9 and a few kids have said we have a big house but I think the layout is deceptive so I understand that. Just today one has asked ‘are you rich?’

I said ‘no’ but they kept saying we must be. Eventually I successfully changed the subject.

I felt really odd about it for a few reasons.

1. My house is not at ALL ostentatious - I have ripped carpet on the stairs, peeling paint (I’m redecorating slowly) and the house was a mess so it seemed like a strange thing to say.
2. I grew up in poverty - I used to think things like this sometimes as a child but wouldn’t have asked it so it was an odd question to me.
3. I’m worried he’ll tell classmates this and that there’ll be some repercussions for my son.

I don’t know why I’m posting. It’s left me feeling a bit odd.

Look on the bright side at least it wasn't "Are you poor?" 😃

You're really overthinking this.

Why do you care what a 9 Yr old thinks of your house? Do you think he has the economic knowledge to make an accurate assumption about your wealth based on the size of your house?

I grew up living in one of the biggest houses in the village. (8 big bedrooms ) ... A few children would ask if I was rich but I certainly don't recall any "repercussions". It seemed a very minor conversation point if anything. But then I did live with my head in the clouds.

I think you might be overthinking it

I agree you are massively overthinking this.

Sorry OP but I agree with PP you are massively overthinking this. It was just a comment from a 9 year old. I bet they didn't give it a second thought afterwards least of all start telling everyone at school you're rich.

But how do you measure being 'rich'?

You frequently see Mumsnetters stating they have a £80k annual household income but falling over themselves to state they aren't 'rich'.

If you live in a relatively cheap area for housing, made a conscious decision not to have DC (or pets), had a bicycle not a car etc etc then an £80k income would probably mean you were 'rich'.

I guess most of compare ourselves to people who earn more than we do and then we like to say we aren't 'rich'.

What does rich mean to you OP ? For some people it would mean not worrying about food and energy bills and being able to buy the occasional take away ... for others it means owing a flashy car, several long haul holidays a year, employing a nanny etc .... it's all relative.

You’re right to be worried. It’s imperative that nine year old child doesn’t realise how much your house is worth. It’s probably writing a Daily Mail editorial as we speak…

Are you existing on more than £1000 a month?

Then to me you would be rich.

If you're comfortable in a 3 bed house with mortgage etc. You're very likely far better off than millions of people in this country.

Rich is relative.

To a man with nothing, those with something will always be the richer.

Yes you are. Anyone that describes their financial situation as 'comfortable' is rich.
That's not a criticism just an observation

What on earth repercussions could there be for your son?

I live in a very mixed area, and my kids had friends in everything from six bedroomed Georgian homes to...well the opposite end of the scale. And their primary school friendship groups are still largely intact (barring the occasional one or two that moved abroad/far away) now that they're all in their thirties.

I was never aware of any issue then or now regarding their differing backgrounds.

Knowing 9 year olds they probably have a weird mistaken impression based on something about your house which is different to what they know at home.

Like you have plants inside, or you eat brown bread, or you have a shower instead of a bath. Kids are weird

🤣 I didn’t think of that!

Ok I’m overthinking.

I suppose I just remember being so poor as a child and I doubt that feeling will ever go. The envy I felt of people who weren’t living the chaotic life I did was sometimes overwhelming.

I suppose I’m just projecting how I felt as a kid.

@NoToLandfill

That’s a fair comment. But comfortable isn’t the same to everyone either.

We can afford our bills but don’t have masses leftover, no significant savings, no foreign holidays, a 13 year old car etc.

Some people here would describe that as ‘managing’ and some ‘luxury’.

Knowing 9 year olds they probably have a weird mistaken impression based on something about your house which is different to what they know at home.

I agree. Maybe you have Pears soap, or a non-local accent, or curtains instead of blinds, or placemats at table, or two ginger cats, or postcards stuck on the fridge and the child thinks you've been to all those places... I used to think my friend Mary Kate's family were rich because they had a 4711 gift box in the bathroom. It doesn't have to make sense.

i view rich as someone who has non property assets of at least £1m.

Just say "yes, I am rich loved"
If they ask you what that means then name all of the significant relationships in your life.

It teaches them what is valuable in life .

As a dc I used to think a relative who lived in a big country house was super rich cause massive house. I also thought another relative who had a tiny mews house in Chelsea was poor!

@Ragwort

I don’t know what I think if as rich but not me!

I suppose being able to buy non-essential and luxury things without thinking about the cost?

Our food and bills etc all fine but I’d need to think about buying furniture, a complete boiler breakdown would require credit etc.

That is definitely not me!

Pah! no I’m fucking poor. I live in a shitty little 2nd floor flat, with 2 kids, I’m a single parent who has finally after 7 years started to get some child support, but because of the stupid fucking cost of living, that’s now spent on bills every month (he pays the minimum so isn’t a lot but could have gone on treats or saving for bdays etc had the world not gone to shit and the basics swallow it up) I wanted that £326 the gov gave us poor folk to go on some nice day trips for my kids this summer, but nope, it’s gone on bills already. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, haven’t been on a night out or had a haircut in 9 years, and now it’s the holidays I’m seeing my kids school friends having great holidays and treats that mine simply can’t have, and I feel fucking suicidal over it (not going to do anything but I wonder what’s the point of me when I can’t give my kids anything nice!) They deserve more. I can’t provide it. Yes this actually a reality for some people!
so no I’m not rich. You are.

I doubt a 9 year old is going to go around the school and say he thinks you're rich. I mean, there's about 5 weeks left of the summer holidays. I'm sure even a 9 year old has better things to talk about.

A 9 year olds rich is having £5 pocket money a week. You're overthinking it.

I remember being asked if my parents were rich because they sent me to private school. No, they made loads of sacrifices to afford to send me there. Other families on the housing estate where I grew up in the 80s chose to spend their income on exotic holidays and flash cars whereas my parents took us away in their 1960s caravan and drove old vehicles.

But they were rich compared to people who had no foreign holidays and drove old cars, and struggled to get to the end of the month.

Being able to afford private school will always make a family richer than many, whatever they give up for it.