‘Are you rich?’

[Merryoldgoat]

I am NOT rich but my DH and I are comfortable. We live in a 3 bed end of terrace (it’s a bit bigger than average - certainly not massive).

We’ve had a few play dates now for DS9 and a few kids have said we have a big house but I think the layout is deceptive so I understand that. Just today one has asked ‘are you rich?’

I said ‘no’ but they kept saying we must be. Eventually I successfully changed the subject.

I felt really odd about it for a few reasons.

1. My house is not at ALL ostentatious - I have ripped carpet on the stairs, peeling paint (I’m redecorating slowly) and the house was a mess so it seemed like a strange thing to say.
2. I grew up in poverty - I used to think things like this sometimes as a child but wouldn’t have asked it so it was an odd question to me.
3. I’m worried he’ll tell classmates this and that there’ll be some repercussions for my son.

I don’t know why I’m posting. It’s left me feeling a bit odd.

Agree it will be some small detail that in the child's head equates to rich. I can remember thinking various childhood friends were well-off because:

1. Came from Kent (!)
2. Had large collection of My Little Ponies (I had only two, from charity shops, as my mum said they were expensive - therefore, large collection = rich!)
3. House (on council estate) was clean and had matching furniture
4. Had central heating and flushing toilets

On the flipside, my friends thought we were well-off because our house was large and detached and had land (a few fields). I knew we weren't because everything was scruffy and quite dilapidated (see above re me being impressed by heating and flushing toilets!), we were forever being denied things because they were expensive and we lived in hand-me-down clothes.

I have a good professional job and a nice house in a good area.

I earn 60k, and consider myself well off.

Of course if I was an MN DH I should have been on 100k years ago.

DD friend next door assumed we are poor as we don't have apple phones or super dry tops.

Live in Hampshire, house worth 200k, dodgy area, mid terrace 2 bed victorian.

So, am I rich?

I used to think people who cut sandwiches in triangles were rich. I also thought a girl from my street was rich because she had a red hair ribbon. I thought it was a sure sign we were poor because my mum bought those cup juices and French set yogurts - but it turns out that when she was a kid, she thought that was what rich people did.
Kids are strange.

P.s I always cut my sons sandwiches in posh triangles now, and never buy French set yogurts or cup juices

and never buy French set yogurts

You would be lucky to find them - I love a nice shiny white set yoghurt but Asda and Sainsbury's both seem to have discontinued them and I can't find them elsewhere.

I'd have asked him what made him think that.

It's hugely common for kids to make random comments, a friend from my school asked my mum if we were poor because she was horrified that we only had one TV. A few of DS pre-school friends have commented that our house or our garden is big, because it's bigger than theirs.

4yo DS asked for a £1.50 rainbow ice lolly at the ice cream van the other day, which he would never eat because he'd object that it's cold. I tried to steer him towards the £2.50 ice cream because he'll eat that and he loudly said "Ok mummy, the rainbow ice lolly is too expensive, we can't afford that. We need to be careful for a bit don't we?" All based on goodness knows what he's overheard (maybe we were talking about the proposed new shed, or a client paying late).

To me being rich would be being able to buy a brand new car for £30,000 cash and knowing that there would still be over £100,000 left in your bank account or booking a holiday and not having to worry about the cost, basically spending thousands without it making a huge dent in your finances.

It would make me feel uncomfortable too @Merryoldgoat Loads of people bizarrely seem to be fascinated by mine and DH’s finances as they can’t believe we’ve moved from an ex-council house semi to a 4 bed detached with garage.

So far we’ve had his ex ask ‘is her mum helping you pay for it?’ My sister has asked where we got the money from and my husband’s boss said in his OH referral that our new house had caused financial difficulties (it hasn’t) People are so bizarre when it comes to others having something they want.

Kids are just learning about the world and manners. DS brought a friend home once. They were both 11. Friend gazed around in wonder, told me he'd never been in a British house before and that British people have much messier houses than Polish people. I thought it was rude but quite funny.

Yes, really. Who cares what a 9 year old’s opinion of your finances is. Why even try and make sense of such nonsense 🙄

Self combust? So unduly hyperbolic 🥱

I just remembered when I was a kid I thought my school friend was poor because her mum
Used brown bread.
Turns out they were just health conscious and all my family have type 2 diabetes 😂

Children have a very different criteria for what constitutes 'posh' or 'rich'. Our DDs grew up in a detached, 5 bedroom, Georgian village house with the obligatory Farrow & Ball paint work & Laura Ashley furniture. So imagine my surprise when (then) 8 year old DD asked if we were 'a bit poor' because we had to live in a very old house and we couldn't afford a hot tub or a bathroom with a TV screen fitted into the wall.......?

Turns out she'd recently visited a friend's house on a new build estate that had both of the above and she thought them the epitome of wealth. She refused to believe me when I pointed out that our house was worth 5 times what her friend's 3 bed semi cost.

DH old private school charges almost 40k per annum now. That is beyond the realm of almost all the population and why private education still remains at a level of about 7% of children educated privately.

"Having stuff" is generally what children equate to being rich.
I literally got to my teenage years before I realised that our second hand tv and only 4 sets of clothes was not because we were poor, but because my parents had chosen to spend their money on a big house and private education.
We did have significantly less disposable income than virtually everyone I knew though (which was clearly a skewed sample due to going to private school).

😂😂 priceless! His poor mother would probably be mortified if she found out. I must try and get an invite to a polish person’s house to see if his findings hold true.

Is this some sort of humble brag/flex? Anywho, IMO rich isn't the same as comfortable, and comfortable isn't the same as well-off either.

I am quite slatternly, so it was probably a skewed sample.

@Onlyrainbows

How? I said my house was a mess and I have stripped paint and torn carpet on my stairs? Who brags about that?

I had a friend when I was 6/7 who told everyone we were rich because I had lots of stuffed animals in my room. We were very much not!

A friend of my DS’ told us we must be rich because DH works in a bank. The friend was 8/9.

Children’s perceptions of things are very different.

And agree with pp, the OP comes off a bit of a worthy, humble brag . .

Messines is irrelevant, I wouldn't judge in that sense (my house is in a state 96% of the time).

I used to think my grandad was rich and lived in a mansion. When I look back it was simply a slightly larger than average end of terrace house with a big garden 😂