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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

‘Are you rich?’

121 replies

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2022 23:07

I am NOT rich but my DH and I are comfortable. We live in a 3 bed end of terrace (it’s a bit bigger than average - certainly not massive).

We’ve had a few play dates now for DS9 and a few kids have said we have a big house but I think the layout is deceptive so I understand that. Just today one has asked ‘are you rich?’

I said ‘no’ but they kept saying we must be. Eventually I successfully changed the subject.

I felt really odd about it for a few reasons.

  1. My house is not at ALL ostentatious - I have ripped carpet on the stairs, peeling paint (I’m redecorating slowly) and the house was a mess so it seemed like a strange thing to say.
  2. I grew up in poverty - I used to think things like this sometimes as a child but wouldn’t have asked it so it was an odd question to me.
  3. I’m worried he’ll tell classmates this and that there’ll be some repercussions for my son.
I don’t know why I’m posting. It’s left me feeling a bit odd.
OP posts:
jammiewhammie65 · 04/08/2022 08:45

Kids say silly things. Move on. Your house sounds like a mess to me !

Tessasanderson · 04/08/2022 08:46

End of terrace 3 bed could mean anything, especially if its followed by 'bigger than normal'. We have some properties in our city which, although could be losely descriped as terrace, are in fact 4 x the size of a normal terrace and a value of 4 x too.

Just because someone has threadbare carpets doesnt mean they havent got money, it can sometimes mean they dont put as much value on keeping everything ship shape.

Kids can be very astute. Chances are if a kid has made this comment your property is way bigger than a normal terrace and it has been discussed between all the kids.

What cars do you have in your household? How many holidays? Any other properties owned?

NotQuiteUsual · 04/08/2022 08:49

My kids friends think we're rich because we have three computers, a switch and a super old Xbox. When I explain my husband fixes computers and put the three computers together from broken left overs so we didn't buy them, they're still not convinced.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 04/08/2022 08:52

Take it as a compliment.

DS new friend enjoyed visiting his home and was impressed by the size of it.

All good. 😁

EmeraldShamrock1 · 04/08/2022 08:54

Kids say silly things. Move on. Your house sounds like a mess to me !
Good morning to you too, cranky 😠.

Oblomov22 · 04/08/2022 08:54

Eh? I don't understand. Why would he think you were rich? Surely he'd think you were poor, not rich, if you've got a ripped carpet and peeling paint?

Oblomov22 · 04/08/2022 09:00

@Getoff :
"I would describe someone as
"comfortable" if they have enough money to live the rest of their life at an average level, without having to work for a living".

That's not what I consider 'comfortable'. Never having to work again? No. Comfortable is just that: being comfortable, not worrying, being paid and being able to buy what you want within reason, a food shop, saving for a holiday.

janie87 · 04/08/2022 09:02

These types of posts always make me roll my eyes!

It sounds like you like to be thought of as "rich" and have a bit of chip on your shoulder about your upbringing!

It is all relative anyway.

Growing up being rich to me meant not living on the council estate and having a nice car. I lived on the estate and my Dad drove old bangers!

Now being rich to me means a taxpaying dodger and a member of the Tory party!

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2022 09:03

@jammiewhammie65

It is a mess!! I’m redecorating the hallway and stripping the staircase so it needs repainting etc before new carpet.

@Oblomov22

Well quite! There is nothing about my house that would make you think I was rich so it was very odd to me.

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 04/08/2022 09:13

DangerouslyBored · 04/08/2022 08:37

what a bizarre post, even by this madhouse’s standards Confused

Really? It's perfectly normal, trying to make sense of something that was said and asking for help deciphering it.

You may well self-combust when you read some of the really batshit threads if you find this one bizarre

sst1234 · 04/08/2022 09:17

Living in a 3 bed terrace does not make you rich, regardless of location. People are being conditioned to accept less and less and therefore falling over themselves to tell others how they must be rich if they can have two square meals a day. The bar on standard of living is being lowered, partly by economic factors, partly by virtuous progressives who want everyone to be equally poor.

flowerpotpansy · 04/08/2022 09:19

Certainly not rich, but we are comfortable.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 04/08/2022 09:26

Living in a 3 bed terrace does not make you rich, regardless of location.

really??*

saraclara · 04/08/2022 09:28

flowerpotpansy · 04/08/2022 09:19

Certainly not rich, but we are comfortable.

See this is as clear as mud. Everyone, as evidenced in this thread, had a different definition of rich. To some it means affording a four bedroomed house on a new build estate. To others it implies super yacht ownership.

To OP, simply being able to meet all her bills without going into the red, is 'comfortable' (note she'd have to get a loan if she needed a new central heating boiler) while others read 'comfortable'as having a nice five bed home with two 4WDs in the garage and a couple of foreign holidays a year.

OfficiallyBroken · 04/08/2022 09:51

We live in a lovely flat - the space we have is much bigger than most houses with the same amount of bedrooms and we have access to a private garden.

However, my daughter has it in her head that anyone living in a house...of any description is "rich" because they have an upstairs! Bungalows don't count, swanky penthouse apartments wouldn't register...but if you have a house with a staircase...then wow! It wouldn't shock me to hear she's waxed lyrical about someone's perceived wealth on the basis of a staircase.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 04/08/2022 10:15

Next time, point out the threadbare carpets etc. Just say, if we were rich, we would have nice carpets etc.

dreamingbohemian · 04/08/2022 10:23

I would describe someone as "comfortable" if they have enough money to live the rest of their life at an average level, without having to work for a living.

Oh come on. If you have enough money that you can live nicely for the rest of your life without working at all, you are rich!

Holly60 · 04/08/2022 10:30

It's not an insult. Don't overthink it.

Calmdown14 · 04/08/2022 10:31

I think kids at that age just see things differently.
I live in a terrace which looks tiny from the front so one of DS friends (8) was astounded by how big it was and expressed this....a lot!

For context, his house is bigger but we have decent sized bedrooms and it looks so tiny from the front I think he has expected something entirely different.

He was also delighted by the garden which again, is obviously narrow but does go back a very long way and there's nothing behind us. If he tells anyone else they'll be expecting acres and it's definitely not that!

I also disagree that 'comfortable' means rich. No, more often it equates to choices.
I live in a 150k house (in a cheap part of the country but I moved 400 miles to live here for that reason), go on UK holidays that never cost more than £300, have overpaid my mortgage for years, cut my own hair, have never had my nails done, not been abroad in a decade etc. Our combined household income is £43k.
We have some savings and don't struggle at the end of a month.
My best friend does but she goes abroad regularly, out for meals, wanted a bigger house, newer car etc. Her financial position is not as comfortable as mine but she earns far more and her house is worth more......so I don't think rich and comfortable do always correlate

Getoff · 04/08/2022 10:39

dreamingbohemian · 04/08/2022 10:23

I would describe someone as "comfortable" if they have enough money to live the rest of their life at an average level, without having to work for a living.

Oh come on. If you have enough money that you can live nicely for the rest of your life without working at all, you are rich!

To me, rich ought to mean having a considerably better than average standard of living. OK, I suppose having an average life without working is better, but in my head, it should mean materially better as well. If not a butler to manage your servants, at the very least solid gold taps in the bathroom...

Am I the only one who used to read "Richie Rich" comics as a kid?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richie_Rich_(comics)

catfunk · 04/08/2022 10:59

I think the child must come from a modest background.
My mum does this with anyone who lives in a 'big' house or from the south - she automatically assumes they're loaded and asks if they are 'posh'. It's so bizarre but it's just about her insecurity.
(Ironically she's in a great position financially and has a nice 4 bed house with garden!)

Getoff · 04/08/2022 11:05

Oblomov22 · 04/08/2022 09:00

@Getoff :
"I would describe someone as
"comfortable" if they have enough money to live the rest of their life at an average level, without having to work for a living".

That's not what I consider 'comfortable'. Never having to work again? No. Comfortable is just that: being comfortable, not worrying, being paid and being able to buy what you want within reason, a food shop, saving for a holiday.

Some people have more to be euphemistic about than others.

I agree comfortable is a reasonable word for the income you describe, but I am talking about it as a descriptor of a level of wealth. Income and wealth are two different things! Although I've learned here that some people do use "rich" to describe a level of income, in my world, rich differs from comfortable in that it is never a descriptor of income. If you're rich you have enough wealth that income is more or less irrelevant as a concept.

(I have always tracked my finances using software, and like to see income greater than expenses in the reports that software puts out. When I retired and started living off savings and investments, I found that income was surprisingly hard to define. What the software by default regarded as income was illogical, because it measured only half the story, and ultimately I decided it wasn't even half of the right story! )

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2022 11:13

Well, doing a direct comparison to how I grew up, I'd have thought you were rich beyond my wildest dreams because;

You own a house (although with house prices as they are, that one has applied since childhood and all the way through adulthood so far)

You have carpet on your stairs

You're redecorating

You have carpet that probably goes all the way to the wall in each room

You have curtains and curtain poles or blinds, rather than thin bits of fabric not quite meeting in the middle on a piece of wire

You have lampshades/light fittings rather than bare bulbs

It's likely to be doubleglazed and have heating

You probably have one or two cars

Your child has his own room (and maybe you even have a spare room?)

It's clean. Because I'd been told that houses are only clean when people are rich enough to afford a cleaner.

You had food and drink available for the children

Your garden probably looks like a garden rather than the remains of an air raid shelter (at the time, 35-40 years after the end of WWII) and some cracked concrete

I think you might be feeling weird because you're not actually that poor kid anymore - to somebody else's child, you're the rich one - and that's a strange feeling when you realise that actually, you aren't doing that bad after all.

BMW6 · 04/08/2022 11:19

dreamingbohemian · 04/08/2022 10:23

I would describe someone as "comfortable" if they have enough money to live the rest of their life at an average level, without having to work for a living.

Oh come on. If you have enough money that you can live nicely for the rest of your life without working at all, you are rich!

Neither DH nor I work. Mortgage paid off. Income nearly £1500 pm.

Does that make us rich? 🤔

dreamingbohemian · 04/08/2022 11:23

BMW6 · 04/08/2022 11:19

Neither DH nor I work. Mortgage paid off. Income nearly £1500 pm.

Does that make us rich? 🤔

Depending where you live, probably?

Presumably your completely paid off house is worth a decent sum.