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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MH nurse slept with patient

141 replies

Ihaveaquestionn · 03/08/2022 21:46

MH nurse at the local doctors surgery contacted my the patient (my friend) on Facebook after carrying out an assessment over the phone and discussing medication among other things.

The tone of the messaged escalated and they met up and had sex.

MH nurse then turned VERY nasty and borderline abusive over message when my friend made it clear they did not want to pursue anything more serious given their current life situation (MH problems, debt, work stress, children to support)

Not saying my friend is completely innocent here - it takes two to tango. But given the nature of their interaction it’s clear they could be in a vulnerable mental state and I am disgusted at this nurses behaviour. I think it’s completely unprofessional and inappropriate.

They also happen to be my point of contact at our local surgery - who I have been in contact with multiple times during a period of PND and other issues. I suppose I trusted this person and am now feeling quite shocked.

My friend won’t report them. Would I be unreasonable to?

(I have seen messages and pictures that confirm everything above. My friend is not making this up)

YABU - it’s none of your business, stay out of it

YANBU - you need to raise a concern for the sake of other patients

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 03/08/2022 21:48

Report to the NMC. Totally abusive use of power.

Itisasecret · 03/08/2022 21:49

I would report them to the police, this is a safeguarding matter and you must.

Dinneronmybfpillow · 03/08/2022 21:49

Yes. Report to NMC and Practice Manager asap.

We don't want people like that in our profession.

TeapotTitties · 03/08/2022 21:50

If your friend is happy for you to report, then do it.

If however they'd think it was a complete invasion of privacy, you might want to give it more thought as you risk losing your friend forever.

Tough call.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2022 21:51

Report it.

There's a lot of 'physician heal thyself' shenanigans in MH.

Allelbowsandtoes · 03/08/2022 21:53

Dinneronmybfpillow · 03/08/2022 21:49

Yes. Report to NMC and Practice Manager asap.

We don't want people like that in our profession.

Yep, this.
She will lose her registration as soon as the NMC investigate.
I imagine this isn't the first time and won't be the last.

Teapot1990 · 03/08/2022 21:55

Could you report anonymously? She could very well have done this with other patients so wouldn't necessarily have to have been you it came from...

Weatherwax13 · 03/08/2022 21:57

Bloody hell. Definitely report this

SpudsIluv · 03/08/2022 21:57

As long as you're 100% sure this is the true otherwise you will potentially ruin their career, very serious accusation.

Musicalmaestro · 03/08/2022 22:00

I don’t know why people are assuming the MH nurse is a woman…

Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 03/08/2022 22:03

Musicalmaestro · 03/08/2022 22:00

I don’t know why people are assuming the MH nurse is a woman…

Interesting isn’t it… I was deliberately vague though

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 03/08/2022 22:04

SpudsIluv · 03/08/2022 21:57

As long as you're 100% sure this is the true otherwise you will potentially ruin their career, very serious accusation.

I am 100% sure - I have seen an entire message history on FB messenger and obviously I recognise her face/name - it’s definitely her and they definitely slept together

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 03/08/2022 22:05

Oops - so much for being vague about the gender of the nurse and patient… 😐

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 03/08/2022 22:06

TeapotTitties · 03/08/2022 21:50

If your friend is happy for you to report, then do it.

If however they'd think it was a complete invasion of privacy, you might want to give it more thought as you risk losing your friend forever.

Tough call.

To be honest I’m not sure I will even tell my friend that I’ve reported it - 3 or 4 people know this happened so it could be any of us

OP posts:
whatfreshheck · 03/08/2022 22:06

I'm a nurse, report, report, report. You just need her name and where in the country she works. This is not acceptable and she has crossed a massive boundary.

Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 03/08/2022 22:07

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I wasn’t sure if I was over reacting or being a busybody but my gut feeling is that I absolutely must report it

OP posts:
Cactuslove · 03/08/2022 22:08

Definitely report. This person should not be in contact with people who are potentially vulnerable. By reporting you'd be protecting others.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 03/08/2022 22:08

Report it. He has massively crossed professional boundaries. I'm really shocked.

TheBestBitch · 03/08/2022 22:08

It’s utterly inappropriate, report it

Woolandwonder · 03/08/2022 22:08

Definitely report to the NMC. Its obviously totally out of line and breaks so many guidelines and ethical codes. I work in MH and it's just disgusting that this has happened to your friend.. I hope they are ok (ish)

Whatkindoflifeisthis · 03/08/2022 22:08

Musicalmaestro · 03/08/2022 22:00

I don’t know why people are assuming the MH nurse is a woman…

Probably because around 88% of nurses are female. If it was a profession where nearly 90% of registrants were male, then people would probably be assuming he was male.

Mudblast · 03/08/2022 22:12

Definitely report. Im in that profession and would 100% hope that someone would report it.

Its viewed in very much a similar way as a teacher sleeping with a student. Even if the student is of age, and is consenting or instigated it because of the power imbalance it is not acceptable. As someone in a position of trust, its the practitioners responsibility to maintain that boundary

The nastyness afterwards also needs raising as its evidence that shows that power imbalance

Even if your friend doesnt think themselves as vulnerable, the clinician will be in contact with lots of other vulnerable people and maybe as abusive to them

Itsonthestairs · 03/08/2022 22:20

I'm utterly shocked, this is completely against the professional code of conduct, its an abuse of power against a vulnerable person who has sought help. 100% report this please OP, people like this make me ashamed to be a nurse.

Bpdqueen · 03/08/2022 22:23

100% report mh nurses are working with extremely vulnerable people and if they've done this to your friend the chances are they've done it to others

Arnaquer · 03/08/2022 22:26

Definitely report. Contact the adult safeguarding team at your local social services. Abuse of their position. Morally wrong.