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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really pissed off about this

101 replies

SayNoho · 02/08/2022 17:22

So DH ALLOWED us to book a holiday last week and now he is saying he doesn’t want to be together, he went out all weekend again and I treated him ‘badly’ whilst he was there as I was struggling with COVID and both kids were poorly (2 and 5) he couldn’t get any signal and I needed some support. Anyway, he said on the back of the way I treated him he doesn’t love me anymore, still not wants to go away and has been flirting with me all day, now he is saying he loves me but doesn’t like me. I’ve asked him if there is somebody else and he says there isn’t, I believe him honestly he would just tell me at this point I think. I am getting the vibe that he wants me be affectionate to him but then he is shutting me down? I’m really confused, please help

OP posts:
Original poster
SayNoho · 02/08/2022 18:17

he has just said he will always be in love with me, I spoke to his mum earlier who said go away for the kids sake?

OP posts:
Unanananana · 02/08/2022 18:25

You have a voice. Use it. Don't let him and his mum dictate to you. What kind of example are you both setting your children? Mummy is a doormat?

He is showing you he doesn't love you, regardless of the words that fall from his gaping maw.

RandomMess · 02/08/2022 18:26

Take your Mum instead of him.

LittleOwl153 · 02/08/2022 18:31

Go away, don't take him. Change the tickets for your mum/friends or take them by yourself.

Did you only book last week? In which case there should be some kind of cooling off period you can use to cancel and rebook if necessary.

You can go without him. If its abroad get a single issue court hearing to ensure that he doesn't block you from taking the kids... if it's UK crack on but ensure that the property doesn't give out your details to him so he can't follow you.

Original poster
SayNoho · 02/08/2022 18:31

My DD will want her dad there, what if this is all my fault? He said I we could have been happy but I ruined it. I just wanted support.

OP posts:
Beancounter1 · 02/08/2022 18:31

You are concentrating too much on what he SAYS, rather than what he DOES.

He says he loves you
He says he doesn't love you any more
He says he wants to be together
He says he doesn't like you
He says he will always be in love with you

His words are meaningless nonsense.

His actions are clear:
He went away to a place where he couldn't get signal, leaving you with Covid and two young kids.
He is being 'affectionate' because he wants sex - nothing more
He is happy to go on holiday because your mum paid so he is going for free - but he didn't plan and pay for 'his son's first holiday'.

Look at this evidence, then dump him. You could dump him before or after the holiday - whatever is easier for you. Just don't believe anything he says.

Original poster
SayNoho · 02/08/2022 18:34

What if he is right about me and I am crazy and nasty? And I have brought this on for my kids!

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 02/08/2022 18:42

Jesus, why are you so wet? Find your pride, anger and voice. Tell him to fuck off. This is about far more than a week away.

Crikeyalmighty · 02/08/2022 18:55

Have a lovely time OP and don't take him- he sounds an absolute arse

6079SmithW · 02/08/2022 18:56

Your 'D'H is being selfish, manipulative and abusive. It will only get worse from here, believe me. Get as far away from him as possible while you canTake your mum and children on holiday and enjoy yourself. Use the time to really think about what kind of man he is. And by the way, it doesn't matter what kind of woman you are, you and your kids deserve better than him. LTB.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 02/08/2022 19:02

I don't want to sound harsh but you really need to stop being a doormat and letting him call the shots!

He has been a complete dick and doesn't want to be in a relationship with you!

Get some distance between you and him, go on holiday with your kids and mum and whilst away you, you can do some thinking a build your self up a bit!

By the sounds of it you would be better off without him!

Good Luck

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 02/08/2022 19:04

What do you mean by he ALLOWED you to book a holiday? He doesn't own you? You are a person not his possession...arsehole!

Original poster
SayNoho · 02/08/2022 19:07

My daughter is being a flower girl for his grandma’s wedding too and he said I am not allowed to that even though my daughter said she can’t wait for me to see her.

OP posts:
Fluffyboo · 02/08/2022 19:08

SayNoho · 02/08/2022 18:34

What if he is right about me and I am crazy and nasty? And I have brought this on for my kids!

Oh FFS, come on OP

RuthBrenner · 02/08/2022 19:10

He 'allowed' you to book a holiday?

heattreat · 02/08/2022 19:11

SayNoho · 02/08/2022 19:07

My daughter is being a flower girl for his grandma’s wedding too and he said I am not allowed to that even though my daughter said she can’t wait for me to see her.

When is this? This all sounds very high level drama and trying to get reactions out of each other.

I hope your DD is not listening to all this?

doitwithlove · 02/08/2022 19:12

He is acting a prick, he has said the nasty comments to hurt you. Putting that to one side do you honestly want to be in the company of a person who treats you in that manner !!!

Tell both the kids you are going on holiday, daddy cannot make it as he is working or alternatively let him take the kids away while you rest at home.

Northernsouloldies · 02/08/2022 19:12

Bean counter, you hit the nail on the head. I'd put money on he's got somebody else on the go. Op ditch him and u will see life has a brighter side.

Lindy2 · 02/08/2022 19:14

I think you need to stand up for yourself.

He's walking all over you and you seem happy to allow it.

Go on holiday with your kids and mum and work on being stronger. Your kids need you to be a strong role model not to wet blanket.

doitwithlove · 02/08/2022 19:15

Regards what he is saying you are allowed to do & not do - tell him to f@!k off and take away his key before you shut the door behind him. He is the crazy one not YOU.

Knittedfairies · 02/08/2022 19:16

He's not the boss of you OP. Go without him.

darlingdodo · 02/08/2022 19:16

If this is true, how could he book a holiday if your Mum was paying for it?

The way he's speaking to you and behaving is appalling. You don't have to go anywhere 'for the kid's sake'. They're so young they won't know or care.

You know how he's behaving is wrong or you wouldn't be on here. If you accept his bad behaviour he'll just carry on. You need to put a stop to it and if that means dumping his sorry arse, so be it. It's him that will have broken up your family, not you.

Fraaahnces · 02/08/2022 19:17

Don’t discuss anything with his family. Just get all the financial information you can. Check his phone, bank statements, etc for evidence of an affair and get a solicitor.

darlingdodo · 02/08/2022 19:18

Sorry, I guess you booked the holiday with his permission Hmm . What a prince.

Original poster
SayNoho · 02/08/2022 19:18

I mean knowing that it would come to this the week after? Makes no sense?

OP posts: