Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not inviting MIL

77 replies

oceaneyesq · 01/08/2022 16:00

My fiancé and I are getting married.

Originally we planned on a big white wedding in his mums garden.

However his MIL is overbearing and has said something completely unforgivable. (Said I lied about having a miscarriage, you may remember my other thread)

I think she's done this to drive a wedge and to stop OH moving (we are long distance, he lives near her and is moving to me) she can't bear the thought of him moving...

Anyway... we are currently on holiday in the states. Seeing the sights and seeing people have quicky weddings...

OH suggested we do a legal wedding here, just the 2 of us, and I'm ok with that... we can have a fancy party back home with our friends and family

i don't want OH to regret not seeing me in a dress or having a real wedding, he says he doesn't care and we can always have a wedding later...

His family will be devastated as he's the only boy, the youngest and the last to marry. He isn't bothered but I don't want any upset. We will have a "proper" wedding at some point

AIBU to just go ahead and get hitched? Has anyone else done a wedding without it being a wedding?

Tell me your courthouse wedding stories ...

OP posts:
35965a · 01/08/2022 16:02

Do it

Tangfastic91 · 01/08/2022 16:03

Do it! Spare yourself all the politics and drama that will no doubt come with the big wedding. Not to mention the expense. We had a relatively small wedding with minimal drama but I wish I'd gone to Vegas.

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 01/08/2022 16:03

Do it op. Then celebrate with your friends back home.
We uninvited mil when she wrongly assumed she was coming.
No regrets at all.

AngelicInnocent · 01/08/2022 16:04

Just so you are aware, you will probably need to get legally married here as well.

Squishybean · 01/08/2022 16:04

I did a simple wedding just us 2 and 2 witnesses.

it caused so much trouble with family in fact many didnt speak to me for such a long time and practically disowned me.
I completely understand that it was a sad situation for them and one day if we choose we may do a ‘wedding’

If you want to go ahead and do it then do it its your choice and you get to celebrate a marriage between the two of you without the stress of a big day. I will warn you that family will not be very happy.

Ginger1982 · 01/08/2022 16:10

Squishybean · 01/08/2022 16:04

I did a simple wedding just us 2 and 2 witnesses.

it caused so much trouble with family in fact many didnt speak to me for such a long time and practically disowned me.
I completely understand that it was a sad situation for them and one day if we choose we may do a ‘wedding’

If you want to go ahead and do it then do it its your choice and you get to celebrate a marriage between the two of you without the stress of a big day. I will warn you that family will not be very happy.

This is awful! I could never disown my child because they decided to get married without me. I might be a bit disappointed but your family's reaction seems extreme!

ItsSnowJokes · 01/08/2022 16:12

I am with your DP. I want to just go and get married while the kids are at school but he wants his mum there minimum. I just want to be married and don't want a wedding. We are in the process of discussing it but if you are both up for it just go and do it!

ItsSnowJokes · 01/08/2022 16:13

AngelicInnocent · 01/08/2022 16:04

Just so you are aware, you will probably need to get legally married here as well.

Marriages in the US are legal here. They won't have to get another marriage done here.

Original poster
oceaneyesq · 01/08/2022 16:16

Did any of you do the wedding without the dress and flowers etc?
I'm thinking of just doing it, apparently we can get a licence within a day and marry any time after that, so it just makes sense to just do it

OP posts:
ItsSnowJokes · 01/08/2022 16:18

oceaneyesq · 01/08/2022 16:16

Did any of you do the wedding without the dress and flowers etc?
I'm thinking of just doing it, apparently we can get a licence within a day and marry any time after that, so it just makes sense to just do it

Get married in a dress/jeans/swimsuit/bloody tutu if you want. You don't need flowers, dresses and all the other stuff to get married. It is the marriage that is important not the wedding.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 01/08/2022 16:25

I was desperate to elope. Hubby wanted his parents to see us married as his mum was terminally ill. It was a small simple wedding. Cost about 2-3k. The stress was awful.

However, the marriage is ten years on and he's amazing. So it was worth it... X

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 01/08/2022 16:26

Ps. Do it!

Headbandheart · 01/08/2022 16:31

Just check how to register your marriage in uk once back. I assume nothing magic happens with USA informing uk …make sure you get right documentation in states to use back in uk

SpaghettiNoodle · 01/08/2022 16:34

Headbandheart · 01/08/2022 16:31

Just check how to register your marriage in uk once back. I assume nothing magic happens with USA informing uk …make sure you get right documentation in states to use back in uk

There’s nothing you need to do to register in the UK - your US marriage certificate will serve every purpose you need it to in the UK.

source: married in Vegas 6 years ago.

Blossomtoes · 01/08/2022 16:35

Do it. Just do it. The wedding means nothing, it’s the marriage that’s important. US marriages are perfectly legal here.

IneffableGenderFairy · 01/08/2022 16:36

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Weddings are a massive, massive faff.

Iheartmysmart · 01/08/2022 16:37

I got married abroad. Didn’t tell a soul until we got back. Nice quiet wedding with nobody to cause any family dramas!

Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2022 16:40

My husband and I eloped 25+ years ago. Best decision ever. If your family has a problem with it, that's their problem. They'll get over it.

PenOrPencil · 01/08/2022 16:44

We always wanted to elope because we couldn’t be bothered with the whole wedding circus. In the end I was pregnant and we had a very small shotgun wedding without any fuss, which was totally fine by us!

ChicCroissant · 01/08/2022 16:45

What about your family OP, you don't mention them at all.

AuntieMarys · 01/08/2022 16:46

We got married in the USA, just the 2 of us. Random witness. No flowers. Perfect

Dragmedown · 01/08/2022 16:49

I thinks it’s romantic that your DP wants to do this. He loves you and just wants to be with you without the fuss.

I vote do it, but perhaps just a final check-in with him to agree about how you will both handle the inevitable fall out back home and MiL histrionics when she finds out. Make sure you’re prepared and on same page about that, then go and bloody DO IT!

Spudina · 01/08/2022 16:49

I hope you do it. There will probably be fall out but fuck it. It’s your day. I think eloping is very romantic. I tied to elope but my Dad ended up coming to my Italian wedding and then falling out with me that he wasn’t involved enough. Grrrrrr.

doodleallday · 01/08/2022 16:50

We changed our plans for a quiet wedding with 2 witnesses as MIL kicked off. She and the family still moaned all the way through to the point people were commenting on how vile they were, I am now practically NC. DO IT! They will still find something to moan about whatever you do!

LittleOwl153 · 01/08/2022 16:52

The dress flowers etc seems important to you.
I'm sure there is a similar crazy wedding industry wherever you are in the states as there is here - so you could tap into that and get yourself an off the peg dress, some flowers etc. Whatever you need to make it the event you want it to be - if that's what you want.

Swipe left for the next trending thread