To those of you who had DC after being on the fence… do you regret it?

[Neomsunset]

DH and I are both 30 and it’s getting to the stage where we need to make a decision as to whether we’d like to have children, due to the fact I can’t conceive naturally and will require IVF.

At the moment we are professionals living in London and very much living the city life, out most weekend doing social things, dinners out, spontaneous holidays. All of our friends are also child free, but all plan to have kids in the next 5 years.

I spend a fair bit of time with my sister’s DCs and whilst they are a delight, I’m very happy to hand them back at the end of the day! I think we would both very much miss our child free lives at the moment but at the same time, I’m not sure I can imagine being child free forever and I don’t want to make a choice I could regret later down the line when it’s too late!

Would love to hear from others in a similar situation as to what you decided and whether you have any regrets.

"So many people fret over whether they can afford another baby but the question should really be can you afford another young adult."

I don't think it's necessary to think like this as there's quite a few years from the baby stage to the young adults and circumstances change.
You progress in your career, earn more money so it all develops and progress naturally.
Of course, any other scenario could happen and people end up divorced or lose their jobs.
Young adults can also get part time jobs.
It doesn't have to be a consideration for now.

Also OP you ought to just bear in mind that you could have a disabled child. Not a reason not to ttc but something to think about. Lots of people on here saying the baby years are tough and then they get easier. Well I've been stuck in toddler mum mode for 8 years and counting. And my child will need to be cared for forever. I love him and I would have had him anyway, even if I'd known. But some really really struggle.

I think you need to decide what you want and how you see your future. IVF is really hard financially, emotionally and physically. I wouldn't do it if your not 100% committed. Total honesty, It took years of fertility treatment to get DC1. I was verging on a breakdown from the treatment, losses and endless cycles of hope, loss/failure and grief. I have my children now and I love them with all my heart. However, If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't.

I regret having a child.
About 60% of that regret is what the pregnancy did to my body.
The rest is one word: compromise. My whole life is a compromise. What time to get up, what to cook, when to cook, where to go, where to work, what time to leave, what to think about....relentless.

@QueenCamilla how old is your child?

R.e the later life comment. I had to spend some time in various care homes some years ago for a project I was working in I can categorically say that this is not the case. Some residents never get a visit, not even at Christmas, others the family look relieved to have dropped off their parent/relative. Yes there are some that are still heavily involved with their parents but it's certainly not the norm.

My position on having kids if you're not sure is to not do it. It's too far big of a risk and one that cannot be undone.