We need to stop the culture of "floral tributes"

[MangoMangoMango]

Just watching the news about the horrific murder of the girl in Boston. Woman being interviewed in front of a mass of tributes - flowers, teddies, balloons. At least 30 feet across, filling the pavement.

I totally get that locals who are shocked and upset by the news want to demonstrate that in some way. But flowers wrapped in plastic and helium balloons are just litter. In a few days someone will have the job of clearing it all up and binning it. Such a waste of money and resources.

We need to move the culture away from this - but into what. I'm not sure.

I think we need to collectively think about the ‘shrine’ idea actually. A non religious public shrine as a memorial to all loved ones could be a positive community addition. A place where photos and messages can be left and then when appropriate safely disposed of.

we have tragedies almost daily and having somewhere strangers and loved ones can pay respects and show support would be a good thing and certainly to move away from floods of flowers and environmental harm others are concerned about but give communities a safe place as makeshift shrines often end up at road sides etc.

its certainly something we should think about and war shrines are part of our collective remembrance so it wouldn’t be a huge leap to have something for civilians

And I dont think the public would be happy with doing something like a charity donation which isn't visible.

No they wouldn't because this is all a performance to show how nice and caring the person leaving the flowers, balloons, etc., is.

Or it is a show of collective solidarity with the family.

No, sorry. You just quoted a high-handed post demanding this of the OP from another poster.

Nobody is saying - anywhere that I've seen - that this isn't horrific for the family; it absolutely is.

There's a few of these things near where I live, they look terrible and are probably not the way the deceased would want to be remembered - a filthy, torn to shreds replica football shirt cable tied to a barrier at a pedestrian crossing surrounded by jars full of candles and dead flowers and cellophane isn't much of a tribute.

I disagree. A little girl was murdered. People want to pay their respects

No we don't. Have you lost someone in tragic circumstances?

I have to say you're being unreasonable OP. Especially since it was just days ago the child was murdered.

A relative of mine was murdered about 30 years ago by the most dangerous terrorist organisation in the UK's history. All the floral tributes at the scene of the murder and at the grave provided comfort to the family.

Still does all these years later as we have photos of it all.

This poor girl's family will take comfort from the floral tributes in time. The flowers are NOT a waste.

They are a beautiful expression of humanity coming together in solidarity, in remembrance.

Have you considered that perhaps it’s bringing some comfort to Lilia’s (that was her name, the way) parents to read how loved their little girl was?

Perhaps your anger would be better directed at the people who stabbed a little girl playing in the street.

Yep, you 'do it better', WhackingPhoenix.

Perhaps people could pay more attention to lobbying for better serving of the communities by police instead of spreading the forces so thinly? Or communities themselves watch out for playing children rather than just wringing their hands after the fact? Actually do something.

I have no problem with differences of opinion but I absolutely do take issue with tabloid regurgitators taking ownership of other people's tragedies and actual grief and using SM platforms to do that.

you have lost your fucking minds.

imagine using the MURDER of a child to pontificate about the environment.

Indeed,

I must say Im extremely disappointed to see this thread still standing.

so much for 'by parents for parents'. This is a disgrace @MNHQ have allowed this to stand.

you have lost your fucking minds.
imagine using the MURDER of a child to pontificate about the environment.

I really wish those were the words I'd written. You've summed up perfectly what I was trying to relay.* *I reported this thread when I first posted. Can't believe it's still up. Come on MNHQ. Get it together.

Agree with this.

On a parenting site, of all places.

Take it to Reddit, if you must.

I don't think I was being personal I thought your initial post lacked compassion , and no I don't think it's an "interesting" discussion.

Probably shouldn’t have tied it to a recent event, but I don’t see why it’s a discussion that shouldn’t be had.

Leaving things like flowers, balloons and soft toys may be a mark of respect, but they’re also things that are just left out to rot. I can see the issue.

Well done you, OP for daring to post this...its what I've thought for ages but somehow it gets twisted to make it seem as if you are thinking/wishing ill of the dead. Not at all.
I can see it supports some floral tribute shops, but the environmental impact of (mainly) imported flowers is considerable. And I see red with any type of helium balloon...litter and I do hope that no-one purchasing such tat ever needs any medical treatment using an MRI. The magnets need to be kept cool, by using helium. The gas is lighter than air and so escapes into space. You can't 'make' it, and so using a scarce and finite resource for such frivolity is short-sighted to say the least.

OP, a way you consider "better" is not going to be found in the immediate aftermath of the absolutely shocking murder of a child. The need to mark things, to recognise in an inadequate way their enormity, to be seen to be showing compassion and solidarity, is coming from a very deep and old place in the human psyche and not actually a bad one.

When the Cenotaph was unveiled in 1920, it didn't just have a few symbolic poppy wreaths. It was surrounded by large piles of flowers within days (the images are very moving) All this is not a modern thing.

I agree. I eally bothers me too. Such a waste and sometimes it's left to rot away - apart from the plastic - because (presumably) nobody wants to be the one to remove it.

In a lot of cases I don't think so, it more about the person leaving the tribute.

You're a very fresh poster, OP.
Are you enjoying the massive wind-up?

On mumsnet today.....1st weddings are bad and now floral tributes are too!

Human nature at its finest.
You would think on a forum called MUmsnet, people would have more empathy, its disgusting that a young girl has been murdered and someone decides to start a discusion like this.like
Shame on you .

Maybe it does give communities a focal point when tragedies of this ilk happen. What I find abhorrent is when people video their kids laying flowers. It's not a day out n making memories (boak) and something to put on fb.