We need to stop the culture of "floral tributes"

[MangoMangoMango]

Just watching the news about the horrific murder of the girl in Boston. Woman being interviewed in front of a mass of tributes - flowers, teddies, balloons. At least 30 feet across, filling the pavement.

I totally get that locals who are shocked and upset by the news want to demonstrate that in some way. But flowers wrapped in plastic and helium balloons are just litter. In a few days someone will have the job of clearing it all up and binning it. Such a waste of money and resources.

We need to move the culture away from this - but into what. I'm not sure.

That's you and your family. I took great comfort in choosing some flowers for my nans funeral. Why should I have been stopped from doing so when people are allowed to buy shit loads of flowers for their wedding day. Target those who aren't grieving first.

Seeing "family flowers only" or "donations to X charity" is really common on funeral announcements.

I totally get that the community wants to show support and grief. I just think there has to be a better way of doing this.

Look at the amount of plastic waste the average family generates on a weekly basis from food packaging. Or the amount of rubbish generated by a trip to McDonalds.

I don't disagree that we should all be working much, much harder to reduce waste, and I'm not a fan of whataboutery, but I honestly don't think tributes to a 9 year old girl who has been murdered is the place I'd start in a campaign against waste.

Why do so many people on MN want to control what others do to such a large extent?

What would you suggest ? I mean you can say at funerals which is perfectly acceptable, but do you really expect no tributes on sites where people/children have been murdered.

Then you're free to do it in a different way 🤷🏻‍♀️

But you don't get to tell other people how they're supposed to show their grief.

I disagree. I had a close family member die last week. They had family flowers only at the funeral, everyone else gave donations. We were unable to attend as we live on the other side of the world and couldn't get back in time, and my work sent me a beautiful bunch of flowers which were very much appreciated. There was no cellophane, the flowers I received were tied with paper and string. Perhaps there is some merit in asking that people be more thoughtful in what they give, but people are usually grieving and just want to do something to show they are thinking of the people left behind. This would be way down my list of things to get bothered about.

Humans are always looking for reasons or excuses to justify our wasteful behaviour and choices that are bad for the planet. Manufacturers shouldn't be allowed to sell flowers in cellophane for a start. People should choose flowers that are locally grown and cut and unwrapped. Helium balloons should be banned.

There are many cultures who come together to support each other in grief or celebration without damaging the planet. It is possible.

I think it would be nicer if there could be donation to something more permanent.
A man was murdered not far from here about 3 years ago and people still leave flowers, teddies and little trinkets outside the house.

You have your own experience & opinion and I have mine.
An interesting debate though

If we could make the cellophane from biodegradable materials and make balloons made with biodegradable materials I don't see the problem with either. The flowers are a way to show compassion for the grieving, personal or community grief. The only thing that needs to change is what they are wrapped in

A better request would be to florists (or more accurately supermarkets) not to wrap their flowers in cellophane.

Visual displays are very comforting. I really can’t get upset about them

Oh OP... waste= not good. I agree with you.
But we're talking about flowers for a child who died brutally.
This whole thread is just so woefully unpleasant.
Put another sugar in your coffee and have it deleted.
Come on, OP.

I really wish something could be done about balloon releases.

Funeral flower requests are completely different.

You were talking about the tributes that people leave spontaneously in the immediate aftermath of a death, not the formally organised ceremony weeks afterwards. It’s fair enough to ask people for family flowers only at a funeral because the funeral itself is providing the thing that people need by bringing them together and giving them something to do and focus on.

What do you suggest in place of the tributes that people leave in the place of the death separate to the funeral?

I think the making of shrines and visual symbols of someone that has passed is something innately human and not connected to religion. And of course some of these people will also be religious, just because not everybody is doesn't mean some people are. It's not for everyone, but I think we all do it in our ways. Some people will have lots of photos on the wall, of family and friends who are still here and those who have gone. Others will display family China or heirlooms or medals and trophy's. Or make a special garden for them. People grieve in their own ways, and pray in their own ways (and many more people pray than those that call it prayer). These street side shrines make me very sad when I see them, and that's the point as well. A visual reminder that somebody has left this world on that spot or used to live there. A reminder of the preciousness of life, or the person that has gone. I think it's really important to have a place to come and share memories and tokens for some people, and we don't get to decide that somebody is grieving wrong for not considering the environmental impact in all things. But that could be something that is taken off their shoulders by greeting cards being biodegradable and flowers not being sold in cellophane

I really can't see how cuddly toys that inevitably get dirty and bedraggled are any sort of tribute.

OP, your point is a good one.
But I'm just going to repeat that using this recent tragedy as fuel for your topic is really distasteful. You could totally talk about balloon releases and cellophane-wrapped flowers on MN WITHOUT mentioning the brutal and very recent murder of a 9-year-old child.

A little girl has just been stabbed and killed while out playing with her hula hoop and your overriding concern is about a bit of litter? 🤔

@Ontomatopea there is a sign and we’ve asked the family. It makes no difference so the tax payer is paying me at least an hours wages a week to go and clear it up.

Realistically, it would take people two seconds to take the plastic wrapping off of the flowers and dispose of it responsibly instead of leaving it to pollute the environment. I don’t think it’s really a big ask!

I don't know what to suggest. I was hoping that collectively there could be some good ideas out there. What happens in other countries/cultures? There has to be a better way.

Also agree that florists need to stop using cellophane.

I totally agree. Yes I totally understand the sense of grief and shock and the urge to communicate with the bereaved family.

But they are an environmental disaster, a total waste of money and utterly grotesque and mawkish in the extreme.

I can remember seeing teddies left as part of tributes as a child and being sad that they were left out on the street/in the rain and getting wet and dirty and didn’t have anyone to look after them- Toy Story has a lot to answer for! I imagine other children feel the same, so I wouldn’t leave one as part of a tribute or by a grave.

I really don’t think unwrapped flowers are doing too much damage though.

I like the Jewish custom of leaving a small stone on someone's grave when they've visited. I'm not Jewish so there might be more complex rules around this tradition that I don't know. It shows someone has been there and is thinking about the deceased, a stone doesn't fade or need to be thrown away, and it will potentially be there forever until someone moves it.

I find flowers, balloons and teddies quite a strange thing to put down when something tragic happens, almost more celebratory. I really think something like a plain stone is more suitable to something sad, it's free so everyone in the community could leave one. After a time, the stones could be returned to nature or given to the family to put in their garden to remember all the people that were thinking of them.

I suppose in earlier times people could have gone to the local church and lit a candle in memory of someone. Chances are most the the community would have attended church and that would have been the focal point of grief. But we don't really have that now as most people don't attend church.

I'm sorry OP, but mentioning the recent tragedy of a 9 year old girl being murdered in your post is such bad taste. Your point is really about waste of money, flowers and toys. Why mention that poor soul at all? That poor family, my heart goes out to them.