To be annoyed LinkedIn message from old friend

[Peachyroll]

I don't have any social media accounts because I got sick of it all years ago, but reluctantly have a LinkedIn profile for work reasons.

A uni friend who hasn't spoken to me for 10+ years messaged me on LinkedIn (so the only public way to contact me, in context) saying he was wondering what I'm up to now, essentially because he has regular catchups with one of our other uni friends (a bit of a gossip who I'm also no longer in touch with) and wants to report back to them on what I'm doing now. I don't like confrontation but this feels quite rude? Aibu to say so?

To note, this friend effectively 'dumped' me via Facebook shortly after we graduated saying his gf (now wife) wasn't keen on our friendship and he had to honour that, so we wouldn't be able to hang out any more. I'm aware his wife is quite controlling but our friendship had always been platonic on both sides, and I'm definitely not a flirt or seductress type. I'm quite plain, shy and geeky, and had a long-term boyfriend at the time.

Just don't rely then.

^reply 🙈

I'd completely ignore the message.

Ditto PP - I just wouldn't reply 🤷‍♀️

Just ignore him
Delete message

The fucking end. Its not that hard.

I’d just ignore the message. Think he was reaching out to get info on you and maybe try be friends again but if you’re not interested then just ignore it!

I annoyingly made a typo in the title, must be catching.

He's seen that I've opened the message now, I think ignoring people is maybe a bit petty? Or not?

So what if it's petty? I regularly ignore messages and move on with my life - you can too.

You don't owe him a reply.

Don’t reply. Or write, ‚everything’s Great. Thanks.‘

end of

for what it’s worth, he hasn’t done anything wrong, he prioritised the feelings of his wife over yours, which is right to do.

I'd reply. I'd say "hi, it's nice to hear from you. Dave made it clear a while back that we couldn't be friends anywhere so I'm not too worried about keeping him updated with my life events. Glad to see you're doing well. Take care."

Something like that is perfect.

Yea I’d just ignore

I would reply something very generic and standard. “Hey xxx, hope you are well. I’m doing good thanks. Take care xxx”

I don’t think it’s rude.
but I wouldn’t reply because I’d have nothing to say to them, it’s not petty to not start a conversation you have no interest in.

Xxx as in your name (not kisses!)

@Cautiouselectric Actually I think that sort of behaviour is insane and toxic. I would never dream of telling my DP he couldn't be friends with a woman because of my insecurities.

Ignoring isn’t at all petty, it’s the sensible course of action. Why should you provide fodder for his gossip?

You’re really overthinking. It is 100% normal to spot someone you used to know and message them with a friendly question and some info. You sound very paranoid.

I'd ignore the message and not give it another thought.

It doesn't matter if it shows that you've read the message. It's been decade. Don't be dragged into anyone's useless drama. Just forget about it.

Posted too soon because even if you do reply something even as curt as "Life's great thanks" It opens the door for more communication like "What have you been up to? Do you remember that night when Bob fell out the tree?"
If you are indifferent to these people then just forget about it.

YABU and making a mountain out of a molehill.

Ignore. Or just send something vague - all fine here. Hope the world is okay chez you. Take care.

He wants to report back on you? He and the gossip friend are both CFs!
Contacting you after a long time because he is interested in how you’re doing - ok. Contacting you just to pass info to someone else - no ok.

I think it’s ok for him to message. Not as cheeky as you seem to think. But also ok for you to ignore or send a brief bland reply.

I also think it’s a bit weird / pathetic to ban one’s partner from having platonic friends but other people think differently on that.

A bit more context - we studied a very competitive course, for a competitive career, in which everyone on the course was brutally competitive towards each other, and constantly comparing each others' achievements. This is one of the many reasons I'm not in the industry anymore. Maybe I'm paranoid but I strongly suspect they want to hear I'm in the gutter or something so they can feel good. (Neither of them are still in the industry either).