To be annoyed LinkedIn message from old friend

[Peachyroll]

I don't have any social media accounts because I got sick of it all years ago, but reluctantly have a LinkedIn profile for work reasons.

A uni friend who hasn't spoken to me for 10+ years messaged me on LinkedIn (so the only public way to contact me, in context) saying he was wondering what I'm up to now, essentially because he has regular catchups with one of our other uni friends (a bit of a gossip who I'm also no longer in touch with) and wants to report back to them on what I'm doing now. I don't like confrontation but this feels quite rude? Aibu to say so?

To note, this friend effectively 'dumped' me via Facebook shortly after we graduated saying his gf (now wife) wasn't keen on our friendship and he had to honour that, so we wouldn't be able to hang out any more. I'm aware his wife is quite controlling but our friendship had always been platonic on both sides, and I'm definitely not a flirt or seductress type. I'm quite plain, shy and geeky, and had a long-term boyfriend at the time.

You sound really bitter. I don’t know why. Haven’t you gotten over it by now? And with his wife not liking your friendship - you have no idea what he was like behind closed doors with her. Maybe things HE did made her uncomfortable.

Don't reply if you don't want to or block.

Friend is not being rude. Friend is following the social norms and etiquettes of the social media platform.

The issues are all on your side, harbouring things from more than a decade ago.

Just ignore!

Is there anything you want to tell him (and the group)?
If not - don't reply.

It is not petty to leave it - if you are not interested in picking up this friendship after 10 years you are not obliged to; it is fine to let it lie.

OP I know exactly what you mean. My industry is like this too. LinkedIn is a great source of competitive stalkery. I had a message like this from a ghost, last year. I thought about it for a day or two, consulted a pal (not MN), decided there was absolutely no benefit to having the ghost back in my life - and hit Delete. Wow it felt so good! So - do not reply and I hope you get as much satisfaction as me from deleting!

surely if its via linked in, they can clearly see how your career has gone? (and decide themselves if your life is in the gutter or not?

i'd just reply all good here, you are doing xyz (ie whatever linked in already says you do) and be pleasantly bland.

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. People can become less competitive over a decade. The one who deleted you off facebook, they must regret that reaching out to you now.
I'd send back a bland reply ''can't complain at all,e verything's going
well''.
I'd say, if you want to know how I'm doing you could invite me along.

Ignore it.

If they're not in the industry either why would they care? 😴

Nah just ignore

Ignore - it’s a simple solution - but I suspect you are loving the drama.

It’s linked in. They can see exactly what you’re up to . I think you should chill out and not worry so much about other people and their intentions, especially the ones that have no significance in your life.

God, there's some nasty answers on here.

I'm with the ignore and delete crew. If you have any concerns as to his motivation (as you have) then don't give him any more head space or respond and allow him to come back at you. If you send a snarky response he'll be all over it and share that - this making you look bad.

Ignore, delete and forget. Retain the power.

I had an old friend message me on LinkedIn during deep lockdown. Similarly, I didn’t have her on any other socials either, but hadn’t thought to preemptively block her on LinkedIn when we stopped speaking 15+ years ago 😶 She had been in a relationship with my very best friend’s brother and barged into our group and acted weird for ages and was just a pain (this was the late 90s!!). Anyway, I replied back saying ‘oh wow hi’, she asked what I was up to…I didn’t reply then blocked her a week later. Problem solved 👍🏼

Could be general chit chat eg

"Hi, how are you? I saw Louise the other day and we wondering how you are getting on?"

I would see that as a conversation starter and not rude. But depends on the message.

Either way they aren't a friend any more so if you aren't interested in chatting then dont reply. I don't think it matters that they can see you have read it.

Just ignore the messages, you aren't required to update anyone on your life

YABU it’s not a big deal.
It doesn’t matter what job you do now and you shouldn’t be embarrassed.

If you don’t want to tell them what you’ve been up to because you think they’d judge then say you will join them for a meet up one time and have a proper catch up with everyone.

So it shows you’re not embarrassed and you don’t have to ignore the message.
Then be very busy over the next few months.

Soz OP, further point - I told my very best friend I’d heard from this woman and she felt similarly to you, I think. Her back went up and she was very suspicious of the woman’s motives. The relationship with her brother and family had been strained and BFF was very keen no news got back to the woman. Not least because some of it wouldn’t have been 100% positive.

I (obvs) don’t blame you for feeling suss, and also petty. I did, but it wasn’t hard to make it (her) go away 👍🏼

Leave him on read. The end.

Just ignore the message. It doesn't matter they can see you opened it. So what You don't owe them a reply. You can choose who you want to engage with in life.

I frequently ignore LinkedIn messages or requests from people I have no interest in, either because I don't know them or I don't want to get drawn into conversation. Just do that and crack on with your life.

He "wants to report back to them on what I'm doing now"? Creepy! Besides, it's LinkedIn - surely it's all there in front of him what you're doing now?

I would just not reply. He doesn't deserve any consideration on your part; he was a friend a long time ago, he's not your friend now, and not being your friend was his choice. He's in no position to command/expect a response from you. Creep.

I'd rather be thought petty for not replying than answer, in this case. If the reply would be telling him you think he's wrong to ask, that seems ruder than simply ignoring. For all he knows, you didn't actually read the message or forgot about it. You might be so busy that it slipped your mind entirely.

Anyway, you owe them nothing.

tbh just ignore, I wouldn’t be surprised if the message came from his gf/wife trying to fish for information to sate her own insecurities.

it’s been 10 years delete the message and move on

It’s a really weird and gauche opening parlay - he’s contacting you to report back to a friend. It’s so odd that I wonder if he’s trying to emphasise that so you don’t think he’s chatting you up.

You read it, it was rude, so don’t reply.