I know this is taboo but I fucking hate the CD baby stage

[LadyHalesBroach]

I’ll preface this by saying I love my 5 year old and 7 month old beyond words. They are my world. And babies are undeniably cute. The little fat rolls. The outfits. Their little habits. I get it. And maybe I’m feeling this way because we don’t have any family aroind/alive to help, etc etc.

But fuck me do I hate this phase.

The begging them to go to sleep.

The shhing, the willing them to please just nap.

The teething.

The feeds. The mess. The throwing of food or purée or whatever at me, the floor, the dog.

The incessant cleaning. Food, clean, food, clean.

The night feeds. The debilitating exhaustion.

The bottle refusal.

The way my boobs look after breastfeeding two. I feel like I have udders. They are huge, swollen, bulbous lumps of meat that get clawed at a dozen times a day. I have no dignity now, they’re just out all the time.

My body isn’t mine. I don’t recognise it. The weight gain, the lack of energy to do exercise or eat a decent healthy meal because that’s more time and effort and energy than I have.

The guilt that I went back to work so soon. For being freelance and not taking leave, but actually wanting to go back because it was something that was mine.

That no matter the most liberal and modern of fathers, it will always fall on the mother to do the heavy lifting. Emotionally, physically, financially the mother takes the burden.

I feel better for getting that off my chest but I could never admit this in RL. I am incredibly lucky to have two healthy children and I don’t want to wish this phase away, but oh my god I want some sort of life.

No idea what a CD is thanks iPhone.

YABU - babies are wonderful, it’s a short phase, you made your bed now lie in it,

YANBU - more should admit that this phase it shite

It's relentless but it passes. You know that from your older dc. Hold on to that.

Are you me? I could've written this word for word. I have a 5 year old and a just turned 1 year old. No wise words but solidarity with you sister!

YANBU at all, a lot of my friends have felt that way too. I remember finding that age particularly relentless at that age - when you're doing nothing but feeding them because they're on three meals a day but not taking enough solids to reduce their milk. Soul destroying.

YANBU, I found it OK, but I can see how it can be very tedious. I was lucky that both of mine were decent sleepers, and they did nap though naps were random and anything between 15 mins and 2 hours but obviously you could never tell at the start. But even with 'easy' babies, it really is relentless, and most things usually fall to the mum, as you say.

You need to be in awareness of how shite it is to be able to enjoy it. Like it's just awful and you need to be aware of how incredibly difficult it is to be able to enjoy the feel of their little breath on you at 3am.

If you try and tell yourself it's all lovely then you'll be too exhausted by keeping up the charade to enjoy the little puffs of lovely. I don't get close enough to my kids sleeping breath now to feel it on my cheeks.

YANBU but I didn't really think that was taboo? God everyone must think I'm a right moany cow. In the wise words of a good friend - I wanted a child, not a baby. No rules saying you have to love every stage.

I’ve been warming up to write the same message today.

I’ve had it. I’m out of empathy. My older one wants to play/have a story, my younger two have some sort of bug and nappy rash so I’m dealing with shit literally every 20 minutes. A good few minutes is when I can hide in the kitchen reading mn or the Guardian but inevitably soon enough someone’s poo’d / hungry / bored / needs me. I’m so done. And because I have twins this is all punctuated by random strangers coming up to me to ask if they’re identical/“natural”/have the same number of teeth. I can’t anymore.

YANBU I hated the baby stage; I was lonely, exhausted and bewildered. I was 41 when I became pregnant and also probably peri menopausal, I sometimes wonder how I survived the first year. It just seemed relentless and as if I'd totally lost myself. My DS is now 7 and I love him to bits but sometimes I feel guilty about how much I really didn't enjoy the baby stage.

I don't think enough women really acknowledge this.

I couldn’t agree with you more.

I wanted a small age gap between children to get the same gap as my DB and me, since we’re really close.

But I won’t lie - a big part of it was also to get the baby phase over and done with quickly!

I found it so, so hard. We also didn’t have family close to support, and I suspect that makes a big difference.

I do look back at photos now and wish I could cuddle those two little darlings as babies again. If I knew then what I know now (that it passes and gets so much easier), I might not have wished it away as much. But then again, maybe not!

And YY to willing them to sleep, and being ripped from sleep for night feedings…. 😩

There’s a 5 year gap between my two because it took me that long to contemplate the baby stage again. I didn’t want another baby. I just wanted someone to present me with a nearly 4yo that slept and ate and had pretty good language skills.

I remember going to baby massage with DC2 and merrily admitting to all the first time mums that I hated this stage and didn’t like babies very much. They seemed shocked you were allowed to say this!

Thank you, nest dwelling supposed vipers of Mumsnet for making me feel a little less alone.

I am nodding at every one of your responses. Yes I love the feeling of their breath and having just spent half an hour re-rocking the baby back to sleep, I’ve just gone and popped him a visit and he’s wonderful.

But I’m lonely. I’m bored. I’m tired, so tired.

It can be v boring, and so exhausting. Especially second time round.

It’s usually easier if you bottle feed and have a v strict routine IMO (there’s a couple of taboos for you.)

Ah the bottle feeding. I am convinced that if he’d just take a bottle, my life would greatly improve. He is ebf (and now on solids) through no choice of mine - another taboo. 7 months, two teeth, I hate breastfeeding.

And when you have argumentative, grumpy and obnoxious teenagers you may look back on this phase and forget all of the negatives and wish they were tiny again or maybe not!

Some people love the baby stage, some hate it.
I absolutely hated it. I lost all identity and I was miserable. I’d turned from a individual with a job and a life into just someone else’s mum. DD1 had loads of hospital appointments and at every single one of them they’d ask if I was Mum. I wanted to scream “no, I’m Cats. I’m DDs mum but my fucking name is Cats”
My kids are teenagers now and whist the challenges are different, I love this phase the best.
Solidarity OP, it does get easier, it just feels like this phase lasts a lifetime when you’re in the thick of it.

I hear you!

YANBU. I loved that stage with my first, who napped, and, importantly, didn't have an older sibling. With my second it was hell. Relentless hell. Several years later he's much nicer to be around these days.

I am struggling with the lack of energy and identity too. I always thought I wanted 3 kids but DS has just turned 1 and I can’t imagine having it in me to have 2 more. Before DS I didn’t think about much of the practicalities at all, just knew I wanted a family. Now he’s here it’s clear how much you can lose (as well as gain - and of course it’s worth it as I love him more than I thought possible etc etc)

Is it taboo? I feel like everyone and everything told me relentlessly that the baby years are awful and hard, to the extent that I seriously considered remaining child free!

I had a really unsettled newborn…yet I still think I found 5-15 months the most relentless and difficult period. I would love another child (I’ve loved DS’ toddlerhood so far) but the thought of doing the baby stage again leaves me pretty cold.

YANBU OP. I have two DS, now 14 and 12. You couldn’t pay me to do the baby stage again. Absolute relentless crap. I had PTSD after my eldest’s horrendous birth and PND on both for years. It all very nearly broke me. Now they’re older they’re witty, funny, cheeky, thoughtful and just so much fun to be around, even the hormonal moody teenager! It does get better, I promise x

It’s taboo in my circles, everyone always saying how wonderful it is. It was a huge shock to learn that I hated the baby stage, I always thought I’d have two children but one is certainly enough. I never want to go through the baby stage again it was dreadful. I look back at pictures and see how cute she was but honestly it drained all of the life out of me, I felt so lost and alone and guilty for feeling that way. I’m enjoying it more and more as DD gets older, so glad to have the baby/toddler stage behind me! I feel like I can enjoy it and appreciate more now we can sleep and have conversations.

It’s taboo in my circles, everyone always saying how wonderful it is. It was a huge shock to learn that I hated the baby stage, I always thought I’d have two children but one is certainly enough. I never want to go through the baby stage again it was dreadful. I look back at pictures and see how cute she was but honestly it drained all of the life out of me, I felt so lost and alone and guilty for feeling that way. I’m enjoying it more and more as DD gets older, so glad to have the baby/toddler stage behind me! I feel like I can enjoy it and appreciate more now we can sleep and have conversations.

Can I ask why you had a second child?

I found it really difficult and couldn’t go through it all again so only had 1.