I know this is taboo but I fucking hate the CD baby stage

[LadyHalesBroach]

I’ll preface this by saying I love my 5 year old and 7 month old beyond words. They are my world. And babies are undeniably cute. The little fat rolls. The outfits. Their little habits. I get it. And maybe I’m feeling this way because we don’t have any family aroind/alive to help, etc etc.

But fuck me do I hate this phase.

The begging them to go to sleep.

The shhing, the willing them to please just nap.

The teething.

The feeds. The mess. The throwing of food or purée or whatever at me, the floor, the dog.

The incessant cleaning. Food, clean, food, clean.

The night feeds. The debilitating exhaustion.

The bottle refusal.

The way my boobs look after breastfeeding two. I feel like I have udders. They are huge, swollen, bulbous lumps of meat that get clawed at a dozen times a day. I have no dignity now, they’re just out all the time.

My body isn’t mine. I don’t recognise it. The weight gain, the lack of energy to do exercise or eat a decent healthy meal because that’s more time and effort and energy than I have.

The guilt that I went back to work so soon. For being freelance and not taking leave, but actually wanting to go back because it was something that was mine.

That no matter the most liberal and modern of fathers, it will always fall on the mother to do the heavy lifting. Emotionally, physically, financially the mother takes the burden.

I feel better for getting that off my chest but I could never admit this in RL. I am incredibly lucky to have two healthy children and I don’t want to wish this phase away, but oh my god I want some sort of life.

Equal measures of YANBU and god it can be tough but YABU

the messiest phase by far is teenagers, it’s worse in a way as you have an expectation they might actually help - they don’t and they ain’t cute 😂

This is so true.

I totally get you, it’s absolutely relentless and is so much harder when you’re alone and maybe feeling down. Make sure you talk to a health visitor at least - can you go to any baby clubs? Even a once a week soft play or club can make a huge difference.

I love my girls but I found parenting easier after the age of 4/5. It’s not easy mind you but my mental health improved a lot - the first 3 years were very hard.

Ignore the ‘you should be grateful’ brigade - of course we are grateful and blessed but it doesn’t make it any easier if you’re struggling. Hang in there x

You couldn’t pay me to go back to the baby stage either.

Absolutely unrelenting, debilitating exhaustion.

Love that mine are now older - they are 13 and 8 and it’s an absolute joy.

Hang on in there. We’ve all been there but it passes eventually I promise and you soon forget how hard it was! Mine are 9 and 10 now, it feels like the sweet spot - they’re still sweet children not grumpy teens but they can entertain themselves, feed themselves breakfast (they make me breakfast in bed for birthdays and Mother’s Day😊), get themselves dressed, showered, put themselves to bed etc. I remind/encourage them to do all this but they could survive without me which is very liberating. There is literally a day when your youngest no longer needs your eyes and attention every waking moment to keep them alive, and it’s amazing when you get there.
I had an exhausting couple of years when they were born before they both slept through, and remember looking at parents of older children and thinking it can’t have been this hard for all parents, if it were it would be the biggest conspiracy of silence ever, but your memory has a way of forgetting the difficult/endless bits and now I look at photos of their babyhood with nostalgia, though I know for a fact I often wanted to fast forward that stage. Now I want to pause this one, they’re growing up too quickly!

The thing is, I DO remember how hard it was. Mine is 3.5 so I'm not past the difficult stage yet, but I vividly remember how awful having a newborn was (for me). I do look at old photos with nostalgia and think how sweet he was, but also how much I hated it and how glad I am he's older now.

One of my friends is pregnant now with her second and I feel only relief that I don't have to do it again 😁

I agree with Etna - the expectations around motherhood are so demanding these days .... like others on this thread I stuck to a routine (GF - hated on here ) - I mix fed so DS accepted bottle and breast, I then ruthlessly stopped breastfeeding around 8 months and DS went straight to a cup. I didn't pick him up the minute he cried and I certainly didn't 'wear' him in a sling ... he got used to playing in a play pen and amusing himself. He also had his own room - yes, I know it's against current guidelines. All these things would be considered abuse in today's terms.

Maybe I was lucky, he was super chilled and slept well - now 21 and honestly, you can't tell who was bottle fed or sleep trained when they grow up .

But most importantly - I had a fully functioning DH as an equal parent and I chose never to have a second child!

@Ragwort

Same here - GF worked for me and I had 3, all on roughly the same ‘routine’ (with tweaks obviously to fit around the others as they became older). I did use slings though as they freed my hands for toddlers 😂

They all slept well, allowed me to have breaks during the day and are now happy, healthy teens.

I’m not being smug, I just think it makes you a better and happier mummy to bin some of the expectations and know that we are not required to set ourselves on fire to keep our babies warm.

I don’t think this is taboo, it’s a well known fact and most people feel this way. It’s tedious and monotonous- same every single day really especially since routine is so important for most babies/toddlers. Definitely a lot of cleaning too, it never ends.

I now have an 8yo and 5yo. There are lots of things that are difficult with this age (bickering, wingeing, attitude) BUT they get themselves dressed (mostly), if they want something they can get it for themselves (reminds me of that thread where the mum was a yo-yo at meal times, if they spill or need a different fork they can do it themselves), the 8yo can be out of sight in safe public places for short times so easier to split the needs of both. Freedom is coming!

YABU to say it’s taboo - is it your first day on MN? 🤣
Good luck with it, you know it passes!

Just emerging from it for the second time and I FUCKING HATE IT. give me a toddler any day of the week.

I think all stages are hard in different ways. I have two adults now and two teens. Apart from my eldest son who has autism and learning disabilities The teenage years have been the best and easiest with the others.

This post 🙌 100% agree.

Late 70s and 80s...
My mum breastfed me and my brother for first 6 weeks then moved onto bottle feeding as she had to go back to work, she put us in a strict bedtime routine and we both slept through from 8 weeks old. When we cried she waited a while to try let us self soothe before coming to us. She weaned us from 4 months etc.

I have an 11 week old baby and feel the pressure to conform to today's parenting pressures. I breastfed my LO until recently and when I gave up other mum's made me feel like a complete failure. (I gave up as she had tongue tie, colic, was combi fed due to stint in hospital so she refused the breast afterwards as had got used to teats, fed for a while on nipple shields then eventually refused entirely so I felt it was a natural end to our BF journey) the first question anyone asks me be it health visitor, gp or friends is 'is she breastfed?' when I say 'no not anymore' they look dissapointed in me.

Most of my friends who BF their children do so until at least 1 and some 2/3 years old, they're miserable and knackered but feel like they can't stop (their words) because it's 'best for their child' or 'their child needs it' or they don't know how to stop now or worry what other people think if they do. No judgement here if you choose to do this, but this is just my close friends honesty with me.

Some of my friends who co sleep still co sleep with their children who are now at school, with their DH in spare room and barely get a full night's sleep. Again they say to me they don't know how they'll ever get their kids to sleep on their own in their own bed in their own room as they never have.

I totally agree with this post, while we now know more about the 4th trimester and have some positive changes for parenting recommendations based on new technology and experience, nowadays we're expected to parent in a way that exclusively makes us the mother answer the needs of the child constantly... while being expected to run a ship shape household, make amazing Instagram worthy food and have a successful career, society sets impossible expectations on new mums and it ends up in burn out and a feeling of inadequacy.

It's sad really.

11 weeks in and I'm hating the baby phase so far, unfortunately my LO has colic and it's relentless, not one medical professional gives consistent advice about anything and most people I know I can't say to them I hate this stage as they cannot simply understand why as their LO was the perfect angel baby (in their words) ... I suspect in reality different but we're all conditioned to say we love the Newborn stage for fear of being judged as not loving our children if we don't say that, when it really has nothing to do with not loving them but more not loving elements of the baby stage. It's awful especially ftm it's a compete shock to the system and there really is very little support out there that isn't judgey.

I tell myself daily it must get better or people wouldn't do it again and again, and that keeps me going, plus the momentary baby smiles now and again are lovely.