I know this is taboo but I fucking hate the CD baby stage

[LadyHalesBroach]

I’ll preface this by saying I love my 5 year old and 7 month old beyond words. They are my world. And babies are undeniably cute. The little fat rolls. The outfits. Their little habits. I get it. And maybe I’m feeling this way because we don’t have any family aroind/alive to help, etc etc.

But fuck me do I hate this phase.

The begging them to go to sleep.

The shhing, the willing them to please just nap.

The teething.

The feeds. The mess. The throwing of food or purée or whatever at me, the floor, the dog.

The incessant cleaning. Food, clean, food, clean.

The night feeds. The debilitating exhaustion.

The bottle refusal.

The way my boobs look after breastfeeding two. I feel like I have udders. They are huge, swollen, bulbous lumps of meat that get clawed at a dozen times a day. I have no dignity now, they’re just out all the time.

My body isn’t mine. I don’t recognise it. The weight gain, the lack of energy to do exercise or eat a decent healthy meal because that’s more time and effort and energy than I have.

The guilt that I went back to work so soon. For being freelance and not taking leave, but actually wanting to go back because it was something that was mine.

That no matter the most liberal and modern of fathers, it will always fall on the mother to do the heavy lifting. Emotionally, physically, financially the mother takes the burden.

I feel better for getting that off my chest but I could never admit this in RL. I am incredibly lucky to have two healthy children and I don’t want to wish this phase away, but oh my god I want some sort of life.

I'm sorry you're finding it so difficult. Me too, I'm on my own with a 4 month old, it's been this way pretty much since she was born with the odd night of her father staying over. It really is relentless and as much as we love our babies, god, it's hard. We'll do what we can to get through it and we will. But yeah, it's relentless and I miss the old me sometimes.

@CallOnMe it’s a good question. DD1was an average baby, not particularly good but not bad. I was happy with just one, as was my husband.

Then my mum unexpectedly died. She was mid fifties, I was early thirties. She was single so it fell on me to deal with probate, funeral plans etc. The only person in the world who knew how I felt was my sister. Our husbands were supportive and helpful but we had to lean on each other. Like the song goes, your siblings are your key to your past.

Rightly or wrongly, we wanted to give our first a sibling.

Hugs, it's so tiring.
I chose to not bf at all, bottle from the start, just as well as we had emergency situation so I wouldn't have been able to. If YOU want to stop bf then stop, no medals or wrath for your own personal choice.
I went back to work after 5 months, my own sense of self was important. Nursery full time has help develop my LO into a well rounded child, much more opportunity for many experiences than we would have had at home.
You're not alone, just a little lost right now

I don’t think it’s particularly taboo, there’s a post on this every few days if not more.

Yep, I think you just wrote out my thoughts. I've an 18 month old and considering having a second but the thought of going back to the constant feeding, sleep deprivation and giving up my body yet again just feels a bit too much to bear.
My DD is lovely but like all toddlers, bloody hard work and I often find myself wishing time away to get to what I think might be an 'easier' stage - I'm just kidding myself, I know.

I like what a PP wrote, being realistic about how tough it is so you can enjoy 'the little puffs of lovely'. I think I'll use that as a reminder during the next screaming tantrum!

YANBU - it is relentless (and boring).

But you do have choices. You can stop breastfeeding. You can choose to look after your body and lose your baby weight so you feel better. You can ask your OH if you can take some time out each week or get a babysitter so you can both go out.

You don’t have to do things a certain way or accept life being shit just because society tells you that’s how it is. Us mums need to take back a bit of power I think.

At 7 months you could try putting him straight onto a cup (like a Tommy Tippee). Some babies do brilliantly with that because it’s different enough from a nipple.

If you hate bf then it’s worth a try!

It’s usually easier if you bottle feed and have a v strict routine IMO (there’s a couple of taboos for you.)

This. Although not necessarily the bottle feeding as that has its issues. But strict routine yes - although this is NOT ALLOWED on MN.

My babies’ strict routine saved my life.

I reckon this is how the phrase 'it takes a village' came about.
People love different ages best- some love the baby (DH) I loved the toddler/early child bit and some love the teenage bit (not me but have friends who find it a breeze.
We weren't meant to do it alone/in a couple. I think that's why it feels so relentless.

You don't need to preface this post by saying you love them beyond words! It's no longer taboo to admit how awful motherhood can be but it seems it is still taboo to say this without qualifying it with a "but of course I can't imagine life without them" or "they give me indescribable joy but", "it's shit but it's worthnit" etc etc. I'd like to see more people admitting that they can easily imagine their life without their children and it could be a lot more enjoyable. That's how I feel. I'm really not sure the good bits outweigh the bad. However you only live once and I know if I hadn't had them I'd feel very sad, and that sadness of not having had them would probably be more painful. And I will ultimately have older children who are great company, and hopefully grandchildren. They are so cute and fun now a lot of the time but they are also a bloody nightmare a lot of the time, and I wish I could do the job part time. Why on earth do we think it's a good idea to do 24 hour unpaid childcare for 18 years for children who are often utter arses? (as children are arses for their parents even when they're angelic for everyone else)

This really is so true.

I obviously love my children but not in a way that is indescribable - it's just good old regular love.

I don't know, all I heard was how terrible the baby stage was. How awful the sleepless nights were. How boring babies were. Put me off having children for years. Didn't even start trying for one until my late 30s.

Now I have a ten month old. Yes, there have been sleepless nights and colic and all the rest of it. But the 'bad' bits were not unexpected. At ten months the worst of the sleepless nights seem to have passed. I know not every baby sleeps (on the whole) through the night by ten months, but a lot do. The colic stopped after three months. It was truly horrible at the time but seems like a distant memory now. And personally, I find babies interesting from a child development perspective - far more interesting than I'd been led to believe.

Also, there are things I didn't realise about babies that compensate for the not-so-good bits. The smiles. The snuggles. The chance to develop a relationship with the baby everyday.

Look, I'm not trying to be a Pollyanna about it but I just heard unrelenting negativity about the baby years from forums like these and disenchanted first time parent friends. Maybe my expectations were so low they could only be exceeded. However, I'm just trying to provide a bit of balance for others who may be expecting their first child and are worried about all the negative posts.

I have a 3 week old. And I'm totally with you on the boob thing. They look so different already!!!!! I had fantastic boobs before being pregnant! They unrecognisable already!

Ha, not really taboo. Everyone knows it’s hard. It’ll improve.

@edgeofacoin I agree, I went in with such low expectations thanks to MN that it was not as bad as I expected.

The second one not so much though as I didn't have as much time to nap 😁

Ok. I could do one of you a deal. I'll take the youngest bottle fed baby IF you agree to take the back again when they hit a stage I can't face again. Different with each child so unfortunately I'm not prepared to set a date.

oh & once you have them back I'll be Aunty Summer For life!!

pm me!!

Yep. Have 3 year old DS and 3 weeks old twins (corrected age, 13 weeks actual ) and it's awful. My son is now a handful, one twin is fine and the other is the baby to put you off all babies. This is the first time I've sat down all day. I'm exhausted. DS was an angel baby which influenced us to have one more (and we got a bonus baby!) I love my girls but sometimes I think we have made a mistake. It's hard. I could sleep for a week straight and I'm sick of cleaning bottles!!!!!

I stopped breastfeeding as I hated it so much. He was on about four feeds a day at that point. I left the house for a full 24 hours so DH could persuade him to have a bottle. Then I came back but it was bottles only. Sure there was some screaming but he wasn’t going to starve himself. I had to express so I didn’t get mastisis so he was getting some breastmilk mixed in with formula as I wound it down.

I became a much happier, less resentful parent and baby was absolutely fine.

I have no idea of this is appropriate here but I think this photo sums up the trials of early parenting quite well.

Nick Cave and Henry Rollins, two of the most notorious rockstars with the 'hardest' reputations, utterly exasperated and defeated by a single small child.

i.redd.it/d11k8iqt67121.jpg 

Is it taboo? I feel like everyone and everything told me relentlessly that the baby years are awful and hard, to the extent that I seriously considered remaining child free!

Same! And I tell everyone the same thing as well! Why can't you say this IRL? I say it all the time! Thankfully my kids are a toddler and pre schooler now but I still moan about that too.

And that dearest OP is why I’d never have children EVER.

Udders? My god, why on Earth did you do it?

Yup 🙋🏻‍♀️

Whether or not it’s taboo depends on your social circle really. It’s a stupid, unproductive expectation placed on us by others, or that we place on ourselves. Don’t think OP needs berating about that.

My babies were only enjoyable to me in hindsight. In the thick of it, I hated every moment. I could see they were cute, and I found my body and emotions totally hijacked by their cuteness - but with my mind I just wanted to scream and run away. So fucking dull and monotonous and repetitive. I have minor panic at the thought of ever finding myself there again, especially as I’m now that much older and tireder.

Other people’s babies are pretty enjoyable to me now though. Took me a while to get here. I can enjoy them for a few minutes at a time. Utterly detached, and still dull as dishwater. But they’re just adorable in their pudgy cuteness and utter innocent trusting.

Yanbu it is so hard in the baby phase. With dc1 almost every day was as you described. With dc2 about 50/50….I found it easier to keep busy and go out lots….it’s exhausting but it’s the days stuck at home alone with baby surrounded by washing, nappies and bottles I found hardest and most depressing. Even just sitting with dc in a coffee shop broke the day up and made it brighter.

Yup, I felt exactly the same way. I know it's no consolation when you're in the trenches, so to speak, but it will pass. Hang in there 💪🏻