If you had a lockdown baby/mat leave…

[Wouldloveanother]

Can I ask how you feel about it now? Looking back? Do you feel resentful?

My last maternity leave was a shit show, mostly due to covid lockdowns and the fact I lived in a gardenless flat. Just got my BFP for DC2 and so hoping that (all being well) it will be different this time. But it makes me feel sad that I didn’t get that lovely year with my amazing DD that I desperately wanted 😔I don’t mean that to sound ungrateful, and I don’t dwell on it too much, I guess thinking to next time is bringing up old memories.

I do feel resentful because I didn't get a chance to make any new friends. First mat leave met a lovely group of mums and babies, but because my second child came along a couple of years later to my friends and their second babies, I knew no one with babies the same age. Now 2 years on, my days off, it's still just me and my toddler on our own.

I didn't have a lockdown baby but I have a lot of sympathy for those that did.

I did have a lockdown 5yo and 2yo who have been affected in their own way during that time.

Everyone missed out on normal life during that time. I would plan some lovely things with both your children during your next mat leave.

What would you have done if the lockdowns didn't occur first time around?

I found out I was pregnant with DC1 in March 2020, and had him Nov 2020, so my whole pregnancy was Covid, he was born into a lockdown and it overshadowed the first maybe 6-7 months of his life, but we did at least get the summer of relative normality.

I didn’t feel too bad about it, though Partygate definitely brought up a lot of anger, until I got pregnant with DC2 (I’m currently 16 weeks) and realised how upsetting it was that I couldn’t tell anyone in person about the pregnancy - made a big point of it this time - DH couldn’t come to any scans, one set of grandparents didnt meet him till he was 4 months and even that was ‘illegal’. No mum or MIL to help when he was born, thankfully DH is brilliant.

Its hard. I’m grateful we are all safe, and we have a long life of new memories ahead, but it wasn’t how I’d have liked things to be. I totally get where you’re coming from.

I think it was really hard for those of you who had babies in lockdown or just before. I think my granddaughter suffered for a while with social interaction but is great now.
I loved baby clubs etc and feel sorry for those who missed out, but unfortunately we cannot turn back time. I think we need to try to socialise children as much as we can now although I know that is easy for me to say.

Yep I feel annoyed about it. DTs born during the first lockdown in April 2020. However I made a facebook post on a local mums group. Met people and walked in the rain. Restrictions were lifted properly the week I went back to work…

My second baby was born in the 2021 lockdowns and I was very grateful for all the mum friends I had from the first time round. As she approaches the age my first was in Mar 2020 though, I do feel sad about all the toddler experiences my first missed out on. People with children slightly older will feel sad about their starting school experience etc. That's not to minimise your experience as I completely understand what a rubbish mat leave it must have been, but even if your baby had been born a year earlier you'd probably still look back on lockdown with sadness about missed experiences. I hope you get a lovely mat leave this time round 💐

I had a lockdown mat leave ( baby was couple months old when we went into lockdown)

My biggest concern was i had no medical support. Turns out my son had multiple allergies but the doctor never saw him. I had to figure it out myself it was scarry and I felt like a crazy person.
I'm expecting again but this time I'm hoping for a better experience. As you said the first one was lonely and isolating. I ended up with PND due to a range of reasons but I'm hopefully for an easier time with this one.

My first was a lockdown baby born just before covid hit and I’m currently on mar leave with my second. It’s nice doing baby classes and taking new baby places but I miss my husband working from home full time and having us all together and she’s missing out on that time with him. So overall probably preferred the lockdown mat leave.

My DD was born in Jan 2020 so went into lockdown when he was 8 weeks old so pretty much my whole mat leave was spent in lockdown. It does make me feel sad when I look back that I didn't get the same experience as I did with my other two especially as I knew it was going to be my last.

I had an awful first mat leave due to lockdown and was dreading it with DC2 because I hated it so much. But 5 months in and I'm loving it. Made me realise it was lockdown that was the problem, not mat leave!

I do feel resentful, I was early in mat leave when lockdown started and was at home with a newborn and a 4yo while dh worked from the home office. The mat leave id planned disappeared and it was just stress, worrying about covid, trying to do home learning with the 4/5yo (birthday soon after lockdown) who just screamed at me all day every day.

The baby barely got any 1:1 attention because the second dc1 saw me do anything with him she'd have a meltdown or act out. and i was so so lonely. My anxiety was out of control, I was exhausted. My entire mat leave was miserable and I'm still dealing with the effects of it all on dc1 who is now 7. Dc2 is 2 now and doesn't seem to have any lasting effects, slightly behind with speech but in general a pretty laid back, happy and boisterous toddler so I should be grateful for that.

I won't be having any more dc and I do feel sad that I didn't make any friends during my mat leave, and that I didn't get any time with the baby. It didn't stop us bonding but that time was never supposed to leave me suicidal.

I'm philosophical about it.

My second was born in July 2020. I missed the classes and being able to wander around the shops to get out of the house on a wet day. But, she was a much easier baby than my first and DH was WFH so the adult company was appreciated. We left dd1 in nursery full time (a decision we took pre covid and indeed pre TTC, but turned out to be vital as it meant she had plenty of socialisation at a crucial age) so I wasn't juggling a baby and a toddler by myself. Also, my dad died six months later and there was enough going on between kids, covid, distance etc that I was glad I didn't have to worry about work too.

My first baby was difficult, and I found maternity leave very isolating despite going to lots of classes and having a friend off at the same time. I think if that had been during lockdown my mental health would have really struggled, so although my lockdown maternity leave was fine my heart goes out to those who struggled.

But like someone said above, everyone missed out, everyone worried for their kids. It was a very difficult time and we'll feel the effects for a while yet.

I managed the first 5 months of my 13 months mat leave before Covid and was out and about doing things. My NCT group was hugely active and then bam, overnight it all changed and I haven’t seen any of them again sadly.

I missed out on lots of classes we wanted to do and my family missed an enormous amount of DD’s first 2 years which is very sad. But I am pretty sanguine about it. We are too old for any more (and are happy with 1 anyway) and Covid has brought more long term benefits than negatives to us. I now work 50% from home and that makes family life so much better.

I am hugely grateful that my birth was pre Covid as I think those that were giving birth during it had a far harder time. By the time it hit is I was at least over the hardest bit and had support for that. My friend via nursery had her baby 4 months later and her experience was harder and she actually returned to work early as she couldn’t see the point.

Yes, I had a baby in April 2020 and missed out on so much. The only thing that the lockdown was good for was not having to get school aged kids ready with a baby in tow after a c section when all our schools aren’t in walking distance and not being able to drive. On all other fronts, the whole things was horrible.

I had my second baby in April 2020 and at the time was grateful it wasn’t my first as I thought it could be v isolating for first time Mums. I was also extremely grateful not to have school age children to be homeschooling.

But for me personally it was ok. I was lucky enough to have my DH off for 6 weeks and WFH which made a massive difference to me. I felt quite lonely on my first mat leave and was clock watching from 4pm!

On the flip side I struggled to breastfeed and didn’t get the help i needed as there was no F2F support, I had no childcare for my elder child so was dragging a tiny baby and a preschooler to the park every day (not even the play park!), and I missed the freedom of mat leave.

It certainly wasnt the mat leave I’d hoped for but looking back I feel grateful to have got through it unscathed by covid, with a job to go back to, and both kids seemingly not too impacted.

I had DC2 in April 2020 and I wasn’t that fussed about missing out on things to do with family because of lockdown but annoyed because we missed out on baby groups and taking DC1 to toddler groups and starting swimming lessons. I had a lot of things planned which ended up being cancelled and DC1 was supposed to go to nursery 2 days a week to give me time with DC2 which didn’t happen. I think it was a lot more stressful than it would have been without the lockdown. But I do think in a way it gave DD1 and DC2 a lot of time to bond and it some ways it’s nice that they spent so much time together whilst they were so little. I imagine it was a lot harder for first time parents, missing out on baby groups and seeing family with their first baby. At least I was so busy with a toddler and a newborn that I didn’t have time to dwell on it.

I got pregnant again with DC3 in the jan 2021 lockdown, so I’m getting a normal mat leave now, so at least I’m getting to take DC2 to groups now, I don’t feel she has totally missed out.

I had my second July 2020 and we're in the NW where we were on pretty much constant lockdown even when things opened up. I'm not resentful now but I was at the time. At the time it was so, so hard, I also had an 18mo so it was tough but I have fantastic memories of spending so much quality time with my kids and getting much more fresh air and exercise than I did first time. I also didn't need to worry about money as I wasn't going anywhere.

I think I'd feel differently if it was my first. I am grateful I had one maternity in normal times. It was a hard time for everyone and I think it was just bad luck it coincided with mat leave for me. If it was my first I'd feel like I'd missed out a lot more.

Yes I'm resentful. Mainly because when I got back to work I found out they'd all been sat on their arses at home doing sod all and my return coincided with them being told to triple the output to make up for the lost time. So I really struggled.

I was ill for around 4mths after the birth, barely left the house due to lockdown, couldn't do any day trips due to having to book so far in advance (difficult with an ill baby). Our family didn't visit at all and I've never been able to get childcare. I went back to work early so we could move to a bigger house.

I'm on maternity leave again at the moment and at almost 6mths in I feel like it's just as wasted as the first one. The house we bought needs renovating and it's impossible with two kids. I'm permanently stressed as both kids are ill a lot. I never get a break from them and it's still impossible to find childcare. I spend a lot of time worrying about how I'm going to manage when I'm full time again as I will need to be in the office all week. We had such high hopes of day trips, holidays etc but my DP has 3 jobs, just been promoted in his main job and doing the house renovations so finding time is difficult. We haven't done anything nice as the kids have a meltdown in the car as soon as we set off somewhere nice.

I didn’t have a baby in lockdown but I did live in a gardenless, third floor flat at the time & it was fucking awful. I felt like a criminal taking my dog out three times a day for a wee, I lived in constant fear that someone would report me and i’d get a huge fine. I feel sick thinking back on lockdown.

Same as @BuffaloCauliflower (I think we were on the same pregnancy thread!) I found out I was pregnant 3 days before lockdown announced and had him in November. My parents met him 'illegally' and then I spent all that winter and spring largely on our own as my eldest was in nursery. I hated it and dont think I've properly dealt with it so I totally understand where you're coming from.

I don't feel resentful. I don't like that people seem to have forgotten and just assumed I must have had a lovely time and asked did I do music classes etc I've made no mum friends. There's also people moaning about their child having to be off nursery who comment that they know how I must have felt just because they've been unable to work for 1 or 2 days. Literally every week we were having to keep DC off for a cough until a PCR test came back 2-3 days later

I gave birth October 2021. When covid was supposedly 'over'. I feel horrified for anybody in the early stages- particularly giving birth alone. I hope everybody coped okay. However I felt as though the restriction when I was pregnant were also a kick in the teeth.

At 28 weeks pregnant I had a heavy bleed and was rushed to delivery suite being told to expect the worst. My partner wasn't allowed in - groups of 6 sat drinking in the pub next door. No partner at any appointments- despite being able to go into a nightclub or football game. I gave birth and my partner had to leave 10 minutes later. This was October 2021! I have so much hatred for the restrictions.

Lockdown happened three days before we brought DD home from NICU. Not having family nearby meant I went without seeing them for months at a time, I couldn't make any new mum friends and I really struggled.

Looking back I think lockdown coupled with being a new mum might have given me PND. There were a few times I idealised running away/driving into something and calculated budgets so I knew DH/DD would be alright. In November 2020 I was due to go see my family and then they announced we were going back into lockdown. I went hysterical- in the end after urging from my DH and sobbing to my mum on the phone I ended up driving down the following day to see them.

I hated it. It left a stain on my mental health even now that makes me tear up when I think back to that time. I don't know if I got a rock bottom but I felt bloody close.

It was awful wasn't it. I wasn't allowed people in to help me with my baby. I suffered severe PND and was basically on my own.

Actually looking back they were some of the darkest days of my life. I'm not resentful though. Just hurts to think of it.