If you had a lockdown baby/mat leave…

[Wouldloveanother]

Can I ask how you feel about it now? Looking back? Do you feel resentful?

My last maternity leave was a shit show, mostly due to covid lockdowns and the fact I lived in a gardenless flat. Just got my BFP for DC2 and so hoping that (all being well) it will be different this time. But it makes me feel sad that I didn’t get that lovely year with my amazing DD that I desperately wanted 😔I don’t mean that to sound ungrateful, and I don’t dwell on it too much, I guess thinking to next time is bringing up old memories.

I had my first at the start of the first lockdown. To echo a previous poster I'm not resentful about my maternity leave, more so the knock on effect. Having no family support, no new mum friends and a baby that didn't sleep really affected my mental health. I cried at least once a day for the first 4 months. My husband was still working and I leaned on him heavily for support that he couldn't/didn't give me and my marriage is still suffering because of that. With hindsight I can see I had PND so I'm also resentful of my HV and husband for not trying to get me support when I repeatedly said I wasn't coping. It was honestly the hardest period of my life and I'm so glad I'm in a better place now.

I feel my maternity leave wasn’t what I hoped.
my son was born a week before lockdown so didn’t meet any family until he was over 3 months old.
there was no in person medical support/no midwife checks/ no hv. I was a first time single mom and drowning. Tongue tie, reflux. 6 week check wasn’t until he was 17 weeks. Bf support just isn’t the same over the phone.
we ended up moving in with my mom for 7 weeks to avoid the lockdown isolation rules. That saved my sanity.
there was a reprieve in the summer with eat out to help out and then lockdown hit again.
there was plenty of walks and snuggles with baby which I loved but no classes opened back up until I went back to work.

It was great for me!
I'm a self employed sole trader and was only planning on taking 1-2 weeks off initially as that's all that was feasible but in the end I had loads of time off, husband was working at home so was around all the time and I was able to claim full maternity allowance plus the self employment furlough scheme so money was fine.

This was my third baby so I've had two full year maternity leaves previously (employed elsewhere with them) and this one was by far my favourite and least lonely.

I had dd2 in October 2020. She was a slightly easier baby… it was a much easier maternity leave.
DH was at home so not out 7am-7pm so he could give me breaks. That was the biggest thing. First maternity leave I was on my own from wake up to bedtime.
I wasn’t trying to do classes and crack on when really baby needed a feed/nap etc. I had to take it a lot more slowly and I found it a lot better.
only downside is she was 8 months before my parents met her face to face but it was ok.

I miss lockdown pregnancy. I have to haul my fat, exhausted body into work on Monday and Tuesday despite being totally able to do my job from home.

Wow, so many responses! I’m sorry to hear so many of you also had crap experiences, particularly those of you with NICU babies - that must’ve been so, so tough. 💐

I had DC2 just before lockdown started. The following few months were the worst of my life and I developed horrendous PND. I don’t think I processed the feeling of disappointment, devastation and ‘loss’ of that time until DC turned 2. It suddenly hit me that I felt I hadn’t actually made any special memories or experienced any joy or happiness for the first year of DCs life. I think it will always be something I remember with sadness but I’ve generally ‘moved on’ from the extreme negative emotions it used to trigger.

I resent it. When I had DS, I had awful birth injuries that didn't heal until well after my mat leave, and that cast a shadow. With DD, born in late 2019, I had a really high-risk pregnancy with lots of hospital admissions, and then surgery just after she was born. I had a couple of months of very gentle recovery and then just as I was about to start seeing friends and going to baby groups, covid happened and my husband is CEV, so we had to shield, with a 5 month old baby and a 5 year old. It was intense and terrifying and relentless, and I went back to work when she was 8 months old because my team were really struggling dealing with the covid impact and my mat cover was swamped.

I have seriously wondered about taking a sabbatical before she starts school, to somehow make up for the two crappy mat leaves, but she's in a very happy routine with a childminder and I think it would be self-indulgent. And I can't justify taking that sort of time off work (probably unpaid) unless it's to spend time with my kids!

My daughter was about three months old when the first lockdown happened.

Honestly? It was quite good for us. DH started WFH but they were really slow setting up IT etc and so he had loads of downtime. We took a mortgage holiday that the bank just kind of waved through and I don't think they normally would. My other two children weren't at school yet anyway, so we had loads of time as a family together and the summer was quite nice really.

I would likely have felt completely different if it had been my first baby and if DH was a frontline worker and out all the day long. I can imagine that being very lonely. I wouldn't have gone to baby groups and all that with a third baby anyway probably, but they were a lifeline with my first.

I found DH being at home was more of a hindrance. He was trying to work I was trying to baby. It was to much strain and I'm sure if it was still going on now we would be divorced.

Honestly didn’t bother me- but I’m well aware that it was because it was my 2nd- my husband may not have attended the scans anyway, I loved not having loads of people round like with DD1. I think I was cocooned from the pandemic by being in a baby bubble. Also wfh has been a godsend, all my annual leave was used on my leave, I wfh now and see my children.
Was positive for me on the whole.

I found the isolation quite difficult. My daughter was born in lockdown, my husband deployed ten days later. I was completely alone with no family or friends and this little newborn. We were allowed bubbles eventually but my closest family were a five hours away.

I’m pregnant again now and am looking forward to being able to have my husband with me for the whole of my labour. Not just in and out straight after the birth, I’m looking forward to taking my baby out for proper walks, meet my friends and their babies. Having a toddler now, I’d have much rather have a toddler in lockdown than be left completely alone with a ten day old baby again. For a really long time the best we could do was meeting another army wife in the same situation for a walk in the bitter cold.

My DD was born 2 weeks before the first lockdown. I think I benefited from having done antenatal classes in person and then having a solid group of fellow new parents to WhatsApp. My immediate family also got to meet DD a few times as a new born. I felt there were some positives of lock down mat leave. I was able to spend weeks just focusing on resting and getting used to breastfeeding. There was no pressure to do anything. I didn't have to worry about trying to leave my breastfed baby with other people before I felt ready. Also probably meant I spent a lot less.. When we had a bit more freedom, pushing a pushchair round the park with one person was about what I needed. On the other hand I don't know how much I would have got out of being a lot busier, maybe I'd have met lots of new friends? I'm also sad my parents missed out on spending a lot of time with newborn DD. DD seems quite outgoing, I dont think it's affected her much. I think it would have been a lot tougher if she'd been a toddler.

Mine were 18 months and 2.5 when covid arrived and it was hell on Earth for the first lockdown. WFH, no childcare and poor mental health when the only thing that had kept me sane was getting out and about…

I can only imagine how hard it was for those who gave birth or had tiny babies in that time. It must have been very isolating and scary for many- I remember how hard I found the adjustment to having a newborn after DC1 (pre covid), I think I may have lost the plot entirely in lockdown. That said, I can see how some found benefits with husbands WFH etc. I think it’s fine and understandable to feel resentful / sad about it but equally it’s fine to admit it was actually ok, or even beneficial. Everyone is different.

I guess lockdown was incredibly hard for a huge amount of people for a whole range of reasons. Thank god we’ll never (hopefully!) have another one …

I had my lockdown baby in April 2020, he was my third pregnancy but my "rainbow baby" as I'd had a loss in 2019 at 31 weeks so I was under a special care maternity unit. I was supposed to have one on one care with my own personal midwife who I had been seeing from 12 weeks but in March (I was due in April) the team had to disband and move onto other maternity care (I understand) but I had a rapport with my midwife, I was feeling comfortable after my loss but it was just taken away. I went into the hospital I'd had my first baby in but also my loss and I couldn't have my DH until I was at leat 6 centimetres dilated (I was 5) once DH was allowed in I was told the baby's heartbeat was irregular and low so I was taken to delivery from the birthing suite I'd wanted and I gave birth (my third birth but most painful!) then we had a cuddle and then DH had to leave so I was on my own - I was fine and got through the night. However once I was home we had no midwife visit, I had stitches which thankfully healed with no intervention but no general check up or weighing the baby (he's never been weighed in 2 years!) I'm just glad he was my second as I had an idea of it all but it was and is isolating. He was very clingy to me at first but he's now 2.3 years and he's been to nursery and he's thriving! He has his big brother which helps but I'll never forget the isolation for lockdown, he was supposed to be our light (he is!) but I couldn't show him off or take him out like I where'd to. I wouldn't change him for the world though.

I gave birth to DC2 in the first lockdown. She was a lovely, happy, easy baby (polar opposite of DC1). I was grateful she was easy, grateful not to have to juggle work and home schooling and just so glad she was there to brighten our days and keep DC1 company. Now on mat leave waiting for DC3 to arrive and have cut DC2s nursery hours to try to do some of the 'fun' out-of-the-house stuff we didn't manage during covid.

I meaaaaan, I’m in the US and my maternity leave was a whole 12 weeks (which is pretty standard)…. so I’d appreciate a year off either way. Can’t even imagine having that much time off, very jealous! Guess it’s all relative ey.

My whole pregnancy was during lockdown. DC was born a few months before things started easing a little bit.

Tbh I enjoyed it. NCT was online but we have met up quite a lot in person since then, and it was nice to have sessions from the comfort of my own home when heavily pregnant. Husband was working from home full time so could help out quite a lot. The only thing anyone was allowed to do really was go for walks, and walking helped DC sleep, so I invited loads of friends to keep me company (one a day). DC wasn't really care about the lack of baby classes and we don't go to many even now. I love the time alone with DC.

I feel really lucky though that our hospital changed the rules to allow partners to scans the DAY before my scan. And had a surprisingly generous visiting policy. And also have lots of places for nice walks around here. I appreciate that I have had it easier than many.

My wee one was born April 2020 and I was having a c-section when the narrative was that if you went into hospital, you would get COVID. It was terrifying. I wrote goodbye letters to my husband and the baby because I was convinced that I would die. I felt sorry for my husband that he was not allowed in until about 20 minutes before I went into theatre, then had to leave about 2 hours after she was born and then we couldn't see him again until he picked us up two days later. I felt horrendously sorry for the women coming in for inductions by themselves - one lady sobbed all night.

My care at home from midwives/health visitors was good compared to some people I heard about but because the lack of weighing clinics and face to face breastfeeding advice (the lady on the telephone service was very nice but...) meant that my wee one ended up having a weight loss issue that could have been avoided.

My parents met their first grandchild from across the garden. They couldn't hold her until she was 4 months old.

I made no mum friends which I had been hoping to do. I walked around my area with a pram late at night because I was scared that my tiny newborn would catch covid.

It wasn't great. However, in some ways I think it was better than for those who were earlier in their pregnancies who had to attend scans by themselves, some of whom were given horrendous news. I felt so sorry for them.

I meeaaaan, if we were looking for a yardstick against which to measure a sensible maternity policy, that benefits child, mother and society, I don't think the paragon of women's rights which is the US, would be it 🤷🏼‍♀️

DD was born July 2020 and is my first. At the time I thought it was OK. But as time goes on I feel more and more resentful about it. I'm scared to have a second in case things flare up again, whether things might be that but 'more normal' in another six months etc.

You'll never get the time back. And I feel like going from 0 children to having children is massive. We didn't get to spend time out as a three anywhere. It's weird to me to imagine having DH around in the hospital after giving birth etc.

You choose to live in the US. You know what the maternity policy is in the US. Women in the UK choose to live in the UK. They know they are entitled to 12 months mat leave in the UK. No one knew they would be forced to spend much of pregnancy/birth/early life as parents isolated with fuck all support.

I found mat leave in lockdown very lonely and difficult. DP is a doctor and was working very long hours, so most days my only company was a newborn. It was lovely to be able to bond with him, but I was ridiculously lonely. I'd been considering becoming a SAHM or going part-time after mat leave, but ended up going back to work several months earlier than planned because my mental health was really suffering.

I'd love to have a second child, but I feel very anxious at the idea of another mat leave.

I had mine during the first lockdown and I am a little sad over it still. It was made harder as I wasnt able to see my immediate family for over 9 months as my parents were very cautious. I had an extremely high risk pregnancy and then birth.. with extended hospital stay etc. My mother did come to stay with me a few days just after we got home but my wider family didn't meet baby until much later. In all honestly, a lot of my 'friends' and family still have not met DC yet at 2yo I think it was a good excuse to not visit at the time as some live a distance away. And now I think DC is forgotten about in all honesty. So I have pangs of resentment about it. Also the fact we were basically holed up indoors mostly for my entire maternity leave. No baby classes, no family visits and no catching up over coffee with friends. hmm. I may need to speak to a therapist about it