If you had a lockdown baby/mat leave…

[Wouldloveanother]

Can I ask how you feel about it now? Looking back? Do you feel resentful?

My last maternity leave was a shit show, mostly due to covid lockdowns and the fact I lived in a gardenless flat. Just got my BFP for DC2 and so hoping that (all being well) it will be different this time. But it makes me feel sad that I didn’t get that lovely year with my amazing DD that I desperately wanted 😔I don’t mean that to sound ungrateful, and I don’t dwell on it too much, I guess thinking to next time is bringing up old memories.

I don't feel resentful. The worst bit for me were the restrictions on friends and family meeting my lo. My brother (who is my best friend) didn't meet her until she was 7 months old. I felt sad he missed those lovely newborn days. But aside from that I'm ok with it. I'm a bit of a homebody anyway and so in a way, not being able to go out and about took the pressure off me. I got to just stay home and enjoy my baby. Also, by the time my baby was wanting to be out and about, from about 9/10 months, things were lifting and getting easier and now she's a toddler and everything is open again. I think I'd have struggled more with a toddler in lockdown than a baby. I don't feel my lo missed out (or was aware of it) but a toddler would have been different. I think I'd have felt really restricted then.

Hope your next maternity leave is more enjoyable for you though! Hopefully lockdowns are a thing of the past 🤞🏻.

Yes I do feel resentful, and when I first found out I was pregnant again I kept finding myself very upset about the idea of another mat leave - then I realised it was because I was imagining it being in lockdown again! I had bad depression caused by the whole experience. It wasn't just missing out in baby clubs etc that people think of - if I left the house no where was open, at one point not even public toilets so I had to change my DD outside in her pram bassinet in the middle of winter while she howled. I had to BF outside in bus shelters when out for a walk rather than stopping in cafes for a cuppa as places weren't open. The whole thing was just so so miserable. I love my DD and we have a super close bond but I was honestly
at my lowest during mat leave. I hope the next one will be better but I'm almost unsure of how I will spend my time as I just imagine being in the house all the time?!

I'm expecting DC2 in 6 weeks. It's honestly made me think I've got a bit of PTSD from my previous birth and mat leave.

I keep reminding myself it won't be like that again.

My husband not being allowed into hospital with me until I was pushing. Then not allowed after being in a bed with a spinal I was given AFTER birth to repair a horrendous tear and blood transfusion holding a brand new baby thinking what the hell has happened all on my own.

No aftercare at all. No midwife visit. No health visitor. Being told how to check for jaundice over the phone.

Baby suffering silent reflux for months as no GP appointments no feeding support.

Needing my own mum so desperately and it being illegal to see her.

Needing a 'village' and being so so alone.

The fear around what was going on outside.

Being told my baby was 'socially inept' at his 12 month review which was over the phone because he didn't hug a doll

Dropping him at Nursery at 11 months old with people I had never met into a building I was never allowed into for 9 hours a day when I returned to work

Finding out about party gate...

Second pregnancy has brought it all back flooding to the surface.

My DS is the most amazing little human but by god was that a shit time.

Reading this thread has bought it a back. I'm seriously scarred by my experience and I don't think I will ever get over it 100%.

I wouldn't say I'm resentful exactly, but it does make me very sad. We were extremely isolated and stressed due to DH being ECV and all the things that would have been difficult anyway were exacerbated 10 fold. I had problems BF but it took me ages to get in person support and it never really got better. With nothing else going on in my life I obsessed about EBF (which clearly was never going to happen) and it was awful for about 9 months until I finally gave up.

Going into lockdown now (DC nearly 2 and very sociable) would have been even worse though, so I don't like to complain.

I had my 1st baby in Feb 2020.

Pros: my husband being home with us for 6 months. Didn't spend much. Lots of walks = great fitness and weight loss. No where to go made extended breastfeeding easy. Baby too young to be impacted developmentally.

Cons: I became quite neurotic and definitely remember feeling incredibly anxious a lot of the time. Traumatic birth and I think the isolation caused me to dwell on it. Stupid rules about meeting one person or whatever, babies count in the numbers. I remember Nov 2020 being especially miserable. Baby classes constantly cancelled / uncertain / rubbish because of distancing or removal of normal items. Not seeing my parents/ sisters for months and them missing gorgeous newborn time. Lack of health care support.

Pregnant with no.2 and looking forward to sitting in a cafe with baby and experiencing a normal baby sensory term of classes.

I didn’t have my DD in lockdown, she’s 3 now so she was 1 when lockdown started but she was premature and so mat leave was a blur of NICU, operations, hospital appointments. By the time we could have gone to groups etc and met people I was heading back to work then lock downs came. I guess I’m saying mat leave is shit for lots of people for lots of reasons and I try and be grateful for what I had, not what I lost out on. There’s a good book about mindfulness and acceptance in motherhood that really helped me.

Last 3 months of may leave were at the start of the lockdown. Feel annoyed that I missed out on things, but actually overall appreciated being at home with my little family before returning to work.

My baby was born March 2020. I don't feel resentment or even upset now, I am over it - it's just the way it was and now it's done.

But I only work 1 day a week so have had plenty of time to catch up on baby classes, toddler groups etc. I would probably feel different if she was at nursery full time.

Also it was my second baby so I already had a support network and mum friends.

I had a baby Feb 2020 so was newborn at the start of the first lockdown and found her first year so hard. I still feel sad about all the things we missed out on and because there’s a large age gap between my two I hardly knew anyone with a child the same age so would have been nice to make some friends.
it was shit trying to homeschool the older one and deal with a demanding newborn.

I wish I’d known covid was coming so I could have got pregnant at a different time!

Lockdown baby, born summer 2020. Got a year’s maternity leave, as a result. Was in a love bubble with my baby. Intense at times, but wonderful too. Wouldn’t change it, as I don’t know any different. Plus, I could just be myself & not have to present as a “mum” to the world. That helped me to adjust to motherhood, as well.

I had a 3yo and a 4 month old when lockdown began and my partner was just beginning to start work again after a long period signed off due to ill mental health.

I’m not sure I’ve fully come to terms with that time. I was so, so, busy trying to support everyone. At times I thought the only sane one around me was the baby.

My family were too far away for any off the meet for an hour in the park for a walk type visits. My brother only met dc2 when they were 2.5.

We were only every wanting to have two children, but I never want to get pregnant again to avoid being in that position again.

I was going to say very similar to this. I had my second DC in April 2020, just after the first lockdown started. It was very stressful not knowing if I could have a birth partner etc etc. However, once I'd had the baby my husband was furloughed and we got to spend time at home in a little bubble just us as a family, and it was wonderful. My first baby was a nightmare, my husband had to go back to work after a week and was working lots of weekends. I really struggled and although clubs didn't help massively I would have struggled more in a lockdown as I had mastitis and feeding issues. My second in comparison was an easy baby and although I missed out on the things I could have done with them, I did enjoy the opportunity to just bond as a family without expectations or interference from others.

I had my first DC 3 weeks before the first lockdown. I didn't get to go to any Mum & Baby classes but luckily for me DH was WFH and we formed a bubble with my Mum who lives close by so I saw my family quite a lot which helped made up for it. I had my second DC recently and I'm not taking her to any classes because I'm just not used to it now!

I didn't feel quite so angry about mine until all the stories about party gate and the fact that our supreme leaders were having a jolly old time - while some of the rest of us were confined in some of the darkest days I've known, utterly broken by having first DC without any help or a moment's break from the relentlessness while still trying to heal physically etc. - and the sheer abuses of power that occurred e.g. arresting people on illegal visits to the shop because crisps isn't essential shopping.

Until mat leave I didn't realise that going out to buy a bag of crisps in the rain could be a self care thing for your mental health. It sounds mad now but the police and political approach to lockdown rules was disgusting.

I actually get more angry about it as time goes on.

I’m not sure I’ve fully come to terms with that time

Me neither. I think I'm traumatised by the experience, and I don't mean that in a glib or trivial way, it's permanently changed me into a bit if a wreck. While before I was laid back, seen as a really strong person, clear goals and decisive. I just feel like an indecisive brain muddled mess running around in flight or fight mode!

Yup. I thought it was just what I had to do until I realised they were pissing around and having a party

I think that's a big thing. We had no choice, we were already pregnant with baby on the way. Not like we knew about covid when we chose to get pregnant.

Yeah, but I feel more resentful about having to do all the scans and appointments and getting induced and doing early Labour alone, and also the fear one of us would get covid leading up to the birth which would've meant birthing alone too. That and the week in hospital post birth when DD1 wmd DH couldn't see the baby still hurts me more than an isolating year of Mat leave

FTM and pregnant during lockdown, gave birth during lockdown (went into labour early and the hospital told me it was a UTI and annoyed that I kept buzzing the bell, not a UTI, it was labour but that's a whole story in itself), and spent basically all of maternity in lockdown (with no friends or family close so no social walks in the park or bubbles as they bubbled with other people).
Thing is, it was tough but we had to cope and get on with it, because there was no other option. I wish it had been different but I don't resent it and (thankfully) it hasn't effected me. Saying that, if we have another I hope the experience is a little different.

I had DC2 in the second lockdown, and I didn't find it too bad at all, though I was grateful it was my second. It was the impact on my older child, and particularly the period where we were both working full-time with no childcare, which was absolutely hellish, that I found absolutely awful and guilt-inducing. I try and not think about it because it still upsets me so much. But even with him I think we were comparatively lucky that he was not yet two when the first lockdown started - he's now four and it would be so much harder and more upsetting for him to isolate him from other children like that now. I think the younger your children were the better, really.

I do also think some people are a bit rose-tinted about what a 'normal' mat leave is like - I feel sorry for my friends who had lockdown mat leaves for their first but some of them do seem to have a very heightened idea of what it 'should' have been like. The experience they feel robbed of isn't one I actually knew anyone to have, pre-covid.

I swear I have PTSD from DH WFH when I was on maternity leave.

I am fairly sociable and was disappointed that there were no baby groups on. Despite what MN thinks, I don’t actually believe it does babies and toddlers any good to stay at home alone with mum all day.

I’m sure there’s some truth in that @Hardbackwriter bit it also does dismiss a lot of the very real horrible stuff that happened. Giving birth alone. Babies not meeting grandparents for months upon months. Locked playgrounds. Trying to WFH with toddlers charging around (does anyone remember the little boy who drowned?) Child abuse.

People always seek to minimise the impact on parents - let’s be honest here, mothers - on threads like this - and preschool children too. I don’t know why.