To be 40yrs old & not have any friends?

[FreshDoughDaily]

Probably wrong topic but I guess more traffic occurs here.
How do you make and maintain friends?
I seem to have no life really other than parenting, housework, walking the dogs & meeting everybody else's needs.
I don't have any friends and don't seem to know how to find any?
Any advice?

@Howmanysleepsnow how about work networking groups? A friend of mine is like you, senior at work, and she says they're a great support and good place to meet people.

I'd love to join a WhatsApp group. Was only thinking the other day how I'm in the same situation as you OP.

I have 3 or 4 old friends that I keep on touch with and quite a lot of people that I'm very friendly with but not an actual group of friends as such.

For the pp who asked, I've had lots of friends over the years but moved around quite a bit and gradually lost touch.

I had a really nice group of friends where I live now when my DC were s.all but as the kids got older and we all gradually worked more and kids organised their own social lives etc we lost touch.

I make time for my friends
They are a priority
As teens get older they will move away and have their own lives, and so having hobbies, jobs and a social life becomes more important than ever.

I go out when I am tired/stressed/over worked sometimes and I always feel better and good friends are uplifting and super supportive.

Its never too late to make new friends, drop s message to old friends, connect with your neighbours and local groups.

I find that I have different friends who fill different gaps so to speak. I have a friend who is also part time and kids the same age so we meet every month or so for a long walk. Another friend who I meet tonrun with on a weekly basis. Friends who work full time so we meet in school hols for lunch or a meal. School mum's who alI might chat with at the school gate or have a cuppa with every now and again. Other Mum friends who I am closer with and will arrange nights out or spa days with. Older friends who have similar aged kids, but live further away, we might meet once or twice a year for a day out. Lots of wider friends who I don't often see but keep in touch with online. To be honest by the time I add family commitments it's pretty hectic.

I think you need to work quite hard at organising people and don't take it personally when people are flakey or drop out.

What are work networking groups? It’s not something I’ve come across before.

You are not alone. I'm similar and I've realised it's because work, kids, chores suck all available time and enthusiasm.

I'm 38 and don't really have any friends, there's no-one I can just call for a chat except my Mum and sister

I think for me, it's mainly due to working a lot and having a small child when my old friends had them younger or don't want them at all. I've let my friendships fade away because I'm so worn out

I'm also mildly on the autistic spectrum and can find social situations difficult so I avoid them if I'm out of my comfort zone

If anyone wants a friend in the Leicester/Loughborough area, give me a shout 😊

I don't drink and find this a real barrier to making friends. If you're not willing to get really drunk at every event, then you're boring.

I find people like me on a surface level, but I've never been a special friend to anyone (even as a child). The friends I have always have best friends or loads of friends and don't really need any more. My DH is the only person whose ever 'chosen' me IYKWIM?

My sister got married recently and she has the best friends. They really went out of their way to do all these wonderful things for her and make her day special. I've never had a friendship group like that and can see how much I've missed out on. When I got married I organised my own hen night (😳) because I didn't have any close friends to do it for me.

I'm not really sure why, but appreciate that it's something that's down to me.

I don't drink and find this a real barrier to making friends. If you're not willing to get really drunk at every event, then you're boring.

I find people like me on a surface level, but I've never been a special friend to anyone (even as a child).

My sister got married recently and she has the best friends. They really went out of their way to do all these wonderful things for her and make her day special. I've never had a friendship group like that and can see how much I've missed out on. When I got married I organise my own hen night (

@Howmanysleepsnow it's difficult to say exactly without knowing what level you are at, what industry and what location but suggest searching on FB for your job and location and see what comes up. Ours are Gossip Girls sites with some posts aimed predominantly at women to support each other in business.

Failing that, you could create a group for like-minded people and see who joins - then arrange a drink at a local pub to talk business ideas and see where it goes from there?

You could try the Peanut app. It's like tinder for mums. Basically you put your profile on and it matches you to other women in your area and you can connect to like minded people and start chatting

I joined a walking thing 4 us. Op agree not easy. No work friends once I left the job it was just work in common.. I dont know feel friends drift different life stages. One was happy once I did all the driving chasing so I stopped doing it. I feel some friends bit lazy hassle to arrange things. Im 48 dishearten at times

I completely with you OP. The issue for me is my friends are getting extremely flakey and I have had enough of it. Because I'm not putting on as much effort with them anymore things are drifting but I'm also worried about the future as I find it near impossible to make friends

This. I'm not good at this.

Anyone can message me for a chat and if someone is local I love having a natter in a coffee shop through the week.
I'm 48 but don't get to socialise on an evening as I've got disabled kids who take up lots of time when their not at school.

Have you had friends before? From school, Uni, colleagues, hobbies. Did you never meet another mum when dc at primary who you liked?

I have a decent amount of friends made over the years because I’ve made a supreme effort to keep in touch, be sociable, etc. i also try and befriend people most like me if that makes sense. I’m not a wild party animal, nor am I a big dinner party maker (I had to reciprocate a few times and hated it - so stressful!).
Generally I get on with people who are down to Earth, have a similar sense of humour and outlook and aren’t Billy bullshitters. I would never say I’ve got ‘too many’ friends or ‘weekend is family time’- you can always fit in a quick coffee or brunch. And I rarely turn down an invite unless ill or on holiday.

I have made friends as an adult through work, voluntary work, the school gate neighbours and church.

Had to as I have had two major relocations in life knowing zero people and then only DH.

Through each of those places I have met dozens of people but have made a couple of friends at each. I had something in common with them. It’s a numbers game.

@FreshDoughDaily
I would be up for a friendship group, not a whacky idea at all. I am nearly 40 and in exactly the same boat. Been so busy with parenting and looking after everyone else. Time has gone in and I’ve found myself with no close friends. I’m quite shy at first too so think I always come across as snooty or something, but I’m really not.

If anyone wants to set up a WhatsApp group or similar 100% be up for joining. I have joined a group for cinema visits- that has been fun. We often go out for dinner first.

My friends are more the sort you see once a month or once a year. No real day to day ones. Two young kids. I'd finally built up a group of school gate ones but they are all leaving coincidentally this year! It is a bit rubbish. Add me to your list of wouldn't mind a pen pal but bit naff to ask.

I think you'd be surprised at just how many people are in the same boat as you.

Running a household, bringing up children, maintaining a marriage, keeping in touch with family and working all takes a lot of time and effort, leaving very little time to build new friendships.

I'm starting to think I could do with some friendly companions not to live in each other's pockets but for the odd social. It's hard though as you have to invest time to reach that point and with a new person you don't actually know if it is someone you want a proper friendship with until you've spent some time together. I guess it's a bit like playing the field when younger. Arranging coffee dates or trips or whatever and seeing whether they organise a catch up in return.

Does any of this make sense?

I’m 52 and in the same boat, hadn’t quite realised how lonely I was until my Mum died recently and realised I’d nobody other than my DH and 2 teenage sons to turn to. I’ve work colleagues, but we don’t really socialise.

I’m a teacher and now on school holidays, feeling very lonely dealing with grief, not being at work with people around me and my DH/sons all at work.

@Yummyhobnobsandtea
I’m quite shy at first too so think I always come across as snooty or something, but I’m really not
that could be describing me exactly!

Well If anyone is in the Manchester area and would like a chat then message me.
I'm 49 and can relate a lot to this thread.