To tell him to leave me alone? 10yo

[Mamato3boysand2dogs]

My youngest son is driving me insane and I don't know if it's me, or him ... or what other mums are doing!

Basically bored 24/7 unless actively entertained. We have to be "doing" something all the time or he just roams around, bored, which distracts me and means i cant get on / or relax. He has all the gadgets. His own room, full of "stuff". I take him out a lot. Yesterday seaside, Saturday alton towers. In between the days out , i always try and invite one of his mates to play, or take them out, to keep him busy. We bake sometimes, he has plenty to watch on TV and a big garden to play in, should he choose.

Yet it feels like he is slowly squeezing my head in a vice. When nothing is going on and im wfh or just pottering, he mopes around with a look on his face. Bored.

Ive just told him to leave me alone and now i feel guilty .

Mums of 10/11 year old boys... is this normal????

Sounds like he has got so used to being entertained he can’t entertain himself. Point our what he has and leave him to it

I’m sure you’ve got some cleaning he can be getting on with it he’s bored :)

When my kids used to tel me they were bored, I'd say "Brilliant, please do the washing up/tidy your bedroom/walk the dog"

They'd soon skidaddle.

Oh yes!

I agree with @Sirzy

He needs to experience boredom and his imagination could lead to finding different interests in order to entertain himself.

You just tell him that he needs to entertain himself.

Absolutely agree with @Sirzy - the more you pander to him, the less he will feel capable of doing without you. I say this as someone whose SS in the same age and has the same problems. He's never been expected to entertain himself so has no idea how to. Has an amazing imagination but requires another person to play - can't use teddies, etc.

Unfortunately, you will have to be 'cruel to be kind' for a while and enforce boundaries. You can play/entertain him at whatever time, but for now you're doing insert chore, cup of tea, etc

He's probably a bit lonely. Kids like to be around other kids, is he an only child?

Can you arrange for more sleepovers/playdates?

As adults, we tend to like alone time (so I feel your pain!) but kids like other kids company.

My 11 y old has adhd so I may not be able to offer much of a comparison but he is, and always has been, happy to entertain himself. He's played with Lego today and is currently watching TV by himself.

My 10 y old is always out with friends but when at home does complain about being bored, though not to that extent.

She said he’s her “youngest” so doesn’t sound like an only child

what I have found really works here is protected time (2 hours) in the afternoon, but whenever works best. They know that you can’t be disturbed in that time and they have to entertain themselves. It made me more productive in that 2 hour slot than trying to fit bits in during the day and seeing their bored face making me feel guilty! It really helped restore my sanity and made sure we more consciously did things together in the morning.

If I ever told my mum or dad I was bored they’d give me chores to do… 😬

Tell him the story about the famous escapologist Harry Houdini, then tie him up and see how quickly he can escape.

You probably shouldn't do this but if you do and get caught I shall deny all knowledge of it and say it can't be me as I was having a pizza in Woking at the time.

My dad always told me "only boring people get bored"

Just ignore him - he's attention seeking.

When I was a kid, if you dared moan about being bored you'd get given chores to do - you soon learnt to entertain yourself

He’s lonely. His older siblings are probably teens who don’t wanna play with him, and it’s natural for a boy that age to spend most of his time with a pack of buddies.

Can you afford some summer camps? Or do an upaid childcare share with a friend so another child his age is around more?

Some children are like this. It’s not necessarily that their parents have ‘made a rod for their own back’, which is a phrase usually used by people who were fortunate in that their own parenting style fitted exactly with their child’s needs.

My 10 year old DS is exactly like this. I tell him that I am having time by myself, or that it is my reading time, or whatever. Needs telling every time, but is beginning to respect it now.

OP please don't do this...it would be a horrible way to treat your 10 year old son....

How about suggesting you grab a bag of popcorn and choose a couple of films to watch together? Maybe he could choose one and you could choose the other? or you could play board games together and whoever wins gets a prize, look through old photos....I'm sure there's something you can do, if you do one of these activities and he's still bored he can rearrange his bedroom or something?

Oh @Blackmogg lighten up a bit - it's hardly child abuse

Does he ever have opportunity to get bored and create his own amusement? My friend's dc were literally never in to just have a chilll day. They were hideous as the years went on.
What are we doing today dm is sometimes answered with Just Living here!!

Tell him what I used to tell mine. He's bored because he's too boring to entertain himself... it was amazing how much that stopped her in her tracks & motivated her to use the many resources she had

I do think there's something difficult about the age - DS is 10 and has outgrown playing with toys for the most part but isn't old enough to be taking himself off for bike rides on his own or to the park alone, so he's a bit stuck sometimes. Mind you I still find if I just keep offering things like do the vacuuming, clean up after the dog, put the dishes away, do the laundry then he soon rediscovers his love of reading or lego 😁

Honestly, I feel like you can't say anything on here anymore without being jumped on.

"Only boring people get bored" is a well known saying. It's not meant to be taken literally. It just means "you've got no reason to be bored, so go and find something to do".

A 10yo shouldn't need or expect constant entertainment in the form of board games and films with mum. He's been to the beach and to a theme park, he's had friends over, he's got gadgets and a room and garden to play in. He has plenty to do, he just wants someone to entertain him 24/7 and he's well old enough to understand that that's just not realistic.

Watch out, you'll get told you're horrible in a minute

YANBU

My DD is an only child and i spent a lot of time playing with her but I would say go and play by yourself for a bit now as I’m reading my book, watching TV, cleaning etc.

At first she’d be a bit reluctant but then would happily entertain herself.

I’d sometimes set up an activity like get the paints out and then she’d carry it on.

Being able to entertain themselves is a real skill but sometimes it does take a bit of practice.