To tell him to leave me alone? 10yo

[Mamato3boysand2dogs]

My youngest son is driving me insane and I don't know if it's me, or him ... or what other mums are doing!

Basically bored 24/7 unless actively entertained. We have to be "doing" something all the time or he just roams around, bored, which distracts me and means i cant get on / or relax. He has all the gadgets. His own room, full of "stuff". I take him out a lot. Yesterday seaside, Saturday alton towers. In between the days out , i always try and invite one of his mates to play, or take them out, to keep him busy. We bake sometimes, he has plenty to watch on TV and a big garden to play in, should he choose.

Yet it feels like he is slowly squeezing my head in a vice. When nothing is going on and im wfh or just pottering, he mopes around with a look on his face. Bored.

Ive just told him to leave me alone and now i feel guilty .

Mums of 10/11 year old boys... is this normal????

but some kids, mostly boys, grow up to believe others, ie women, are there for their entertainment. This board is full of miserable wives whose husbands not only can't do anything for themselves, but also still expect their wives to 'entertain' them, whilst they also do all the hw/childcare. This attitude comes from somewhere.

Good point. I used to tell mine that they have to learn how to entertain themselves when nobody is available to do it for them (there is only so much Barbie i can take). I do think it is good for children to learn how to handle boredom, it is a good life skill.

I agree with PP's about suggesting tasks; this is nothing new - it's a long time since I was 10, but I can remember being bored, but I knew better than to complain about it, as DM would always have useful chores lined up!
Funnily enough, she told me in later life that she found that I was more inclined to need suggestions when I had my best friend over for a playdate (we were both only children) Possibly because she felt it was a bit unkind to suggest polishing the silver etc. to a guest......

My teens entertain themselves - as with PP there are jobs if they pester.

It could be though that he not so much board as craving routine - maybe he need a list of suggestions and jobs at start of the day.

My DS 12 was bored yesterday. I asked him to empty the dishwasher, whilst I hung up the washing, and then told him to pick a playlist we could listen to whilst defrost the freezing.
He became suddenly engrossed in a complicated game involving a NERF gun, magnets, a metal water bottle and a plastic egg......

I've saved the freezer for another day.

It's not abusive to tell a 10 year old "I hear that you're bored but you need to go crack on and entertain yourself now. I'm busy with some jobs."
Your kids must be fragile little flowers @Blackmogg, I wouldn't be feeling too smug about that.

Basically bored 24/7 unless actively entertained. We have to be "doing" something all the time or he just roams around, bored, which distracts me and means i cant get on / or relax. He has all the gadgets. His own room, full of "stuff".

I’d make it clear, and I would not be joking or making empty threats here in the slightest, if he doesn’t learn to make use of his stuff there will be no more. I wouldn’t waste money on things that don’t get used. Christmas and birthday will be bare minimum. If he’s bored he can go through his stuff and decide what needs to go to the charity shop. If he decides he wants to keep it, then hey presto look, you do have things you like that can keep you entertained.

It really is one of my pet peeves when parents act like they can’t spend just one day in the house with their kids because they apparently have nothing to do - what the fuck are toys for?? Why buy heaps of things for Christmases and birthdays (and take a snap for social media for good measure) for your kids to then not know how to play with them?

I'd get out an activity or open ended toy he hasn't played with in a while, give it 5-10 mins of playing with him then leave him to it. Tell him he's got to leave you alone until x time.

I definitely stopped telling my mum I was bored when she started handing me a cloth and bottle of Jif and sent me up to the bathroom.

Can he bake? When mine were that age and I booted them off electronics, one of them would often make a cake or buns or something. Took him ages, and I got nice cake, win win.

I've just had an interesting chat with my now very competent adult DD. I asked if she remembered my telling her if she was bored, it's because she was boring & needed to crack on & entertain herself.

She said she did, then laughed & said I was right, she owned up to listening to her friends days out & holiday plans, treats etc & figured if she'd hassled me enough I'd cave & take her out or buy her something. She said she had no answer to my reply 😂 She's also owned up to now "loving time with absolutely nothing to do but chill"

Urgh. I've just sent him off with a flea in his ear. All day long, this shit. I have work to do. I said to him to just relax, we are out all day tomorrow but met with a grumpy face so i snapped and sent him away

It IS my fault, i pander to the kids a lot but this is too much, my other two werent like this . Always hard done by and feeling sorry for himself, ive totally spoiled him now i need to try and reverse this

I use this with my 6yo and suddenly he finds something he can play with instead 😃

Bored ?
right peel the spuds for tea , hoover the living room / hang the washing out / get it in.

either play / read / entertain yourself or learn some life skills and give me a hand - the sooner dinner is prepped the better and maybe we can walk to the park then ?

Really nasty and you're getting personal now....

Reporting.

Instilling a love of reading might mean you barely hear from your child anymore!

I did this by taking them to the big bookshops that had the beanbags and lovely carpets to sit on, and they could choose a book each and have a hot drink and cake on the way home. Charity book shops a firm favourite.

magic bullet for boredom, and a good vocabulary and general knowledge out of it, too.

It was important not to police their choices when they were younger, so they could get excited about it, even if they were puppy fiction books for a long time.

He’s still young enough to learn the thrill of the scent of books.

It's definitely not abusive though

It builds resilience and creativity

They've got years' to be bored in their job😀

what I have found really works here is protected time (2 hours) in the afternoon, but whenever works best. They know that you can’t be disturbed in that time and they have to entertain themselves
I thought I had invented this tactic! I started with 10 minutes as soon as the DC had enough verbal understanding and, by 10, had reached the maximum, probably 90 mins for us. It was more useful for my DD's as my DS would always be up for gaming if I let him.

When I was a kid and we whined about being bored our DM always told us "If you're bored you're boring." Pretty unanswerable. A hard challenge to resist. Who wants to be told they're boring?

It worked on my DBs and me, so I used it on my DSD, then later my DC. We're on our third generation now...

This ‘boring people get bored’ thing really affected me. Not in a good way. Part of what’s made it really hard for me for most of my adult life to know how to relax. Fed a need to be constantly busy. I can still hear the words. Imagine being told you’re ‘boring’. You can expect the child to entertain themselves without making them feel bad.

However it's perfectly alright to tell someone they're being abusive is it?

It's because you've been so good at entertaining him, he's not interested in doing it himself. I'm a firm believer in kids learning to amuse themselves. I would sit down and write out a list of all the jobs in the house you think he could tackle and every time he says he's bored, direct him to the list.

The technique has been a howling success across my family, parrot, so I guess it's partly temperament. And the adult is supposed to be affectionate and light hearted rather than critical.

We did loads of fun things spurred on by DM's challenge. Forts, making things, secret societies..

I'm going to use this on my 11yo. She will be offended I've called her bored and bugger off without another mention of "what we doing now I'm bored" 😂😂

I don't have a child that age but I vividly remember being that age and being bored a lot. My mum's frustrated and irritated responses to my whining were similar to yours and I survived (in fact, I think even at the time I didn't think she was unreasonable for being annoyed at me!)

Anyway, child psychologists now reckon boredom is good for children as it gives them an opportunity to get creative. It sounds like you're doing plenty with him anyway.

Yeah the ‘bored people are boring’ is a bit naff and just plain inaccurate really. Becoming bored is just a normal thing that happens to everyone - sometimes it can’t be helped, like if you’re stuck waiting in a GP waiting room or something, and sometimes you can go about finding something to do about it (and not expecting others to find entertainment for you, that’s what’s silly). No need to turn it into some kind patronising personal insult thats based on complete bullshit.