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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell parents I'm in labour

98 replies

Wdib78 · 27/07/2022 20:39

Title pretty much describes it!
I'm due to give birth any day now, I would prefer to keep it quiet from everyone in my life, that's parents, Ext family , friends when I actually go to the hospital.
The first people to know when LO is born will be my parents, and my DP can obviously let his brother/ sister know, we are NC with MIL.
My dad is adamant that I must ring/ text when I go into hospital, I said that you'll be the first to know when baby is born!
He proceeded to whine in a childlike voice "we want to know"
I repeated that they will be the first to know when baby is born.
It quite upset me that he can't just respect my wishes that I don't want people on tenterhooks waiting for me to physically give birth once in the hospital.
Again today they popped round and basically told me I HAVE to tell him when I go to hospital because he's "pestered" by not knowing,
I said you do realise that just because I go to the hospital doesn't mean the bany will be born soon thereafter?
I said I didn't want people then calling/ texting waiting updates as to what is happening!
I repeated again that they would be the first to know of baby's arrival!
What they don't know is I've had a tough week waiting on induction with the balloon, and having it fitted, being ill with it, removed, awaiting water's breaking etc
I can just imagine the added stress I would have had having to keep them informed, when this past week has been pretty horrendous.
The more he presses to be told and tries to bully me into what he wants the more I'll push away and be adamant not to tell them.
Does anyone know a fairly polite way to firmly get my point across?
Oh and to add to it he said to my DP he was leaving it to him then to text instead, I nearly said you dont seem to realise that he'll do as I ask and NOT message you 😅

OP posts:
PuffinMcStuffin · 27/07/2022 20:42

The best and only way to get your point across is by not telling them when you go in to labour.

I didn't tell anyone when I was in labour, they don't need to know, it's your business not theirs.

Justacouplemorethen · 27/07/2022 20:45

Presumably if you are being induced it will all come on quickly, so when you do go into labour the last thing on your mind will be to text your family, you will be too busy dealing with the contractions and birth!
The last thing you or DP want is to be pestered for updates, and made to feel like it isn’t happening quick enough etc. So just ignore them and concentrate on resting, being calm and getting yourself ready for the birth. DP can update them once baby is here. Good luck!

dreamersdown · 27/07/2022 20:46

You won’t convince them - you don’t need to waste your time and energy. Just politely disengage and focus on you and baby and let them know when the baby is here :)

Thomasina79 · 27/07/2022 20:46

Tell them all that you will let them know, then do what you really want, which is to tell them when lo is here. It’s your baby, your birth, not theirs!

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/07/2022 20:48

Just don’t tell anyone. It’s fine.

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/07/2022 20:48

Tell them what they want to hear to shut them up.

Catsstillrock · 27/07/2022 20:48

Just don’t tell them.

Mat this point is maybe send one message saying you don’t appreciate being pressured and that you’re turning your phone off now for some space.

then mute them until the baby is here.

with my second I refused to tell parents / PIL my due date (different system so I claimed they didn’t give one date but a two week window instead). And then I lied about when that was, moving it back a couple of weeks!

PinkButtercups · 27/07/2022 20:49

Don't worry about hurting other people's feelings!

My mum was my birthing partner with my first so people knew and my sisters kept asking for updates. I had an induction and DS was born 3 days later. I did at one point during a contraction say to her 'just tell them to piss off'. Now I see that was very rude and she didn't tell them thankfully. I was in pain and couldn't be bothered with the 'is the baby here yet' it was winding me up more!

ShirleyPhallus · 27/07/2022 20:49

YANBU, I made the same decision with mine because I wanted to be able to focus on the birth and use my phone for photos etc.

One thing I’d advise is to turn off all your notifications when you do go in to labour so you don’t accidentally click on any messages that come through.

Give the news when you’re good and ready. Lots of luck to you

MuddlingThrough1724 · 27/07/2022 20:50

"Oh, sorry, it all happened so fast in the end and obviously we had other things to focus on rather than contacting people" OR "No" would do the trick?

escapingthecity · 27/07/2022 20:51

I didn't tell anyone I'd gone into labour the first time. They all knew I was overdue, but I didn't want people constantly asking. DH texted the family WA group to announce DC1's arrival.

With DC2 I had to tell my parents as they came over to look after DC1. We didn't tell anyone else.

Lime37 · 27/07/2022 20:53

your there child they will want to know when your in hospital. I don’t understand the not
telling your parents

Passthetena · 27/07/2022 20:54

My other half's family were told when I went into labour, I didn't care either way and he wanted them to know. It was then 3 days before baby arrived and they were beside themselves with worry. Definitely don't give in and tell them! I 100% wouldnt again. Good luck with the birth.

hesttreat · 27/07/2022 20:56

Just don't tell them

Fuckitydoodah · 27/07/2022 20:57

Just say yep I'll tell you and then don't. Simple as that.

Dowisetrepla · 27/07/2022 20:57

Yeah I was induced and was in hospital for four days - we didn’t tell anyone. My mum kept texting me saying oh do let me know if anything happens and then she was going actually you know I don’t want to know I might get too worried and then changing her mind again. I just left her to her monologue with the occasional ‘haha’ ‘ok’ and ignored when I wanted to. Everyone was thrilled when they eventually got the news.

Tigerteafor3 · 27/07/2022 20:58

Don't tell them, they'll soon forget once baby is here

ExtraOnion · 27/07/2022 20:58

Parents worry about their children ..

Personally I would of said “of course I’ll let you know”, and then not told them. They don’t need to know, but telling them you are going to tell them stops them from pestering. “It was all too quick” to let you know”.. etc

Dotcheck · 27/07/2022 20:58

Just don’t tell them. Don't argue about it, don’t discuss it further, just tell them when you’ve given birth

easyday · 27/07/2022 20:59

Well just don't tell him. You don't have to discuss it further.
I was to have a c section but my waters broke nine days before about 11pm. I went to hospital but as I wasn't in active labour they said they would wait til the morning. Other than my husband sending a few emails to work colleagues to say he would not be in, we didn't tell anyone until the morning. No point in anyone else having a sleepless night!
If you have another you will have to arrange for someone to take your first while you go to hospital - would that be your parents? Maybe have your husband call when you are near to delivery.

WTF475878237NC · 27/07/2022 21:00

Well I kind of get where they're coming from. You're still their baby however old you are and they just want to know you're ok. If you don't have your phone on you then them texting can't stress you out. You could always just text to say you're in labour and your partner will be in touch with an update if needed or birth announcement?

squirrelnutkins1 · 27/07/2022 21:03

Just don't tell them!!!! We didn't even tho we had the same demand made of us 🙄 Just do your own thing seriously!

Badger1970 · 27/07/2022 21:04

Gosh, what dreadful people they are wanting to know that you've gone into labour and how dare they be worried about you Hmm

One day you'll be that parent OP wanting to know if your son/daughter is OK.

POTC · 27/07/2022 21:06

I wouldn't assume it's about them wanting to know about the baby, more that it's about them worrying about you as you're still their baby! My dad was absolutely terrified when I had mine, even though statistically the likelihood of it going wrong is minute!

Confusion101 · 27/07/2022 21:07

Just pretend u will tell them to get them off your back and stop them texting you or worrying whenever u don't reply. And then don't actually tell them until you want to. That's my plan and it comes into play tomorrow 😅🤞