To not tell parents I'm in labour

[Wdib78]

Title pretty much describes it!
I'm due to give birth any day now, I would prefer to keep it quiet from everyone in my life, that's parents, Ext family , friends when I actually go to the hospital.
The first people to know when LO is born will be my parents, and my DP can obviously let his brother/ sister know, we are NC with MIL.
My dad is adamant that I must ring/ text when I go into hospital, I said that you'll be the first to know when baby is born!
He proceeded to whine in a childlike voice "we want to know"
I repeated that they will be the first to know when baby is born.
It quite upset me that he can't just respect my wishes that I don't want people on tenterhooks waiting for me to physically give birth once in the hospital.
Again today they popped round and basically told me I HAVE to tell him when I go to hospital because he's "pestered" by not knowing,
I said you do realise that just because I go to the hospital doesn't mean the bany will be born soon thereafter?
I said I didn't want people then calling/ texting waiting updates as to what is happening!
I repeated again that they would be the first to know of baby's arrival!
What they don't know is I've had a tough week waiting on induction with the balloon, and having it fitted, being ill with it, removed, awaiting water's breaking etc
I can just imagine the added stress I would have had having to keep them informed, when this past week has been pretty horrendous.
The more he presses to be told and tries to bully me into what he wants the more I'll push away and be adamant not to tell them.
Does anyone know a fairly polite way to firmly get my point across?
Oh and to add to it he said to my DP he was leaving it to him then to text instead, I nearly said you dont seem to realise that he'll do as I ask and NOT message you 😅

Just don’t tell them. No need for all the drama.

I was similar when going in for a csectjkn, I just felt like there are very little big moments in life left and it’s less of a big announcement if you already knew when to expect it. I also really didn’t want the good luck messages as it would have made me feel way more nervous like it was a bigger deal. We had a dog to be let out for the toilet though so we just had to phone as soon as baby was here and got them to go to our house straight away to let him out. If you have no commitments and no need for child care then just don’t tell them and say from such and such a date don’t phone me, in case they just start doing that to check whether you’re in. I told my mum and sister I would FaceTime them when the baby had arrived so by the time they answered they were both already crying having seen that I was FaceTiming them 😂

I wish we hadn't told anyone. Phone was going constant as was DPs. Just say ok, we'll keep you posted. Then just let them know when baby is here!

My mum, my MIL and then my Dad all turned up separately to spectate when I was in labour. This was before I discovered Mumsnet. Why I didn’t tell them to bugger off is a mystery!!

My DH’s mum and sisters showed up during my labour and stayed until after the birth (pre covid). I was sick after giving birth and they all held my daughter before I got to. For the next two, we didn’t tell anyone until we were ready to leave the hospital. (Except our best friends who were looking after our older kids)

@saraclara FGS

@Confusion101 FCOL

I voted you are being unreasonable. Be grateful people actually care about you.

I utterly STUNNED that anyone thinks it’s anyone else’s business when you’re in labour! The very fact your dad is insisting when you’ve said no, shows he’s overbearing. What decent dad wouldn’t accept that, even if privately he was upset. But really, the last person you want to be thinking about when your fanny is being ripped apart is your dad!

Your life, your baby, your rules. Parents have to respect your wishes however difficult they find this to do. I find the entitlement of some parents astonishing. I say this as a parent of several adult children so I do know what it’s like to have a child giving birth but I realised that I wasn’t the important one and let them contact me as and when they saw fit.

I didn't want my mum or anyone to know. I didn't want stress from people asking for updates. I was having a home birth so I didn't want people just turning up. I also didn't want to feel like people were waiting for me (and quite frankly, it took 32 hours without anyone knowing so that was long enough!!)

I don't doubt that some people want to know that you're okay but how can you do that because actually, telling them in the first place will wind them up even more and until baby is here, you won't know if everything is ok.

Don't promise to tell them, because you won't be honouring the promise.

Why are you giving your nasty father your time not to mind your head space?

You owe him nothing.

You need to firm up your boundaries before the baby arrives as you do not want this man pushing into your home and life and spoiling this very special time.

DD1 didn't tell me when she was in labour but I guessed when we spoke on the phone! I did not rush to see her at the hospital until she phoned me to say DGS1 had arrived safe and well. You don't need to tell your DP until you are ready to do so.

My In-laws were similar.

”We want to wish you luck”
or
”Please tell us as soon as anything happens”

i was pretty firm with them (in fairness they are more than reasonable 99% of the time they just got weirdly obsessive over labour) and told them I wouldn’t be telling anyone until the baby was born and if the matter was pressed they would be last to hear about the baby.

First time around, we told my parents I was going to the hospital to get the induction process started, but then didn’t tell them anything else until DC1 was born.
Second time, I had a home birth. My mum was due to come round that day anyway that I happened to go into labour 4 weeks early. I rang to let her know, but she still came over and ended up keeping DC1 occupied while I popped out a baby in the next room 😂👍🏻
Third time I didn’t have time to tell anyone what was occurring. I woke up with a little period like pain, thought nothing of it. Took DC1 to school, DC2 to nursery, got home and had a baby in my arms less than an hour later! You can imagine my mum’s suprise when I FaceTimed her about 45 mins post birth, chilling on my sofa with a baby in one hand and a cup of tea in the other 😂

OP.

Just smile and vaguely nod/ change the subject then do what you want.

Honestly terrible parents or amazing what does it actually achieve telling people? You’ve either got loving worried parents or controlling parents just wanting to know first.

tell who you want everybody or nobody.

I won't be telling anyone as my mum will cry for 24 hours and convince herself we've both died (she did this when my siblings were in labour). I've had IVF and finally want some privacy after feeling like lots of people have known about me having a baby for such a long time.

Just say yeah I'll tell you, to calm him down. And then don't tell him.

So you don’t get on with them.
In that case: ‘Yes Dad, we’ll let you know’ and then contact them whenever you like.

I didn't tell anyone when I went into labour with my first. Different with the 2nd coz I needed childcare but for ds1, I went into labour at 11pm. Baby was born before 8am. There was no point telling anyone I was in labour because by the time they would have seen the message, the baby would have been here.
Even if it hadn't been overnight, I was not in any way capable of sending any texts when I was on labour. It went from 0-100 in terms of intensity very quickly. My waters broke and I went to the hospital to be checked, told to go home and take paracetamol and by the time I got home, it had totally ramped up and we went straight back to the hospital.
So you may find that it happens overnight. Or you find you aren't capable of informing people. If you announce a baby is here to your dad, I'm sure that will be more exciting news than the fact that you didn't let him know the baby was coming.

Send them a short text when the hospital staff say you're well dilated and in active labour.

And say in the same text that you're very busy and won't answer any texts/calls until afterwards

Completely agree.

Never said a word to either families until we sent the general happy news text.

Frankly, it never occurred to us to do otherwise.

@CurbsideProphet my mum was a bit like that the first time. She came to the hospital for evening visiting hours when DC1 was about 8 hours old. She walked in, completely ignored the baby, burst into tears, hugged me and wailed “I didn’t want you to have to do that because I know how much it hurts!” 😂