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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 yr old at home alone for 2 weeks

231 replies

FanGurlll · 27/07/2022 17:56

For various reasons DS, 16, doesn't want to come on holiday this year.
Would you leave your 16 year old home alone?

OP posts:
Lasagnainmyhair · 27/07/2022 20:28

Siameasy · 27/07/2022 20:14

I was left and I was non-plussed but today’s 16 year olds are more like a 12 year old. So probably not. Many don’t even seem
to have part time jobs, that was a must in the 90s.

With it now being required to go to college there’s a lot more pressure and extra work and it’s not possible for alot of 16 years to have jobs. DN has worked weekends and evenings in a florist since was 14, she’s been told by multiple people from school and her new college that she will have to quit before September, a lot of her school teachers even tried getting her to pack it in before year11. She’s devastated and asked if she could just start full time at the florist instead of going to college, she can’t as part time education isn’t funded here so she has to stay in full time education for another 2 years but DB and SIL told her she doesn’t have to quit yet and can try doing both if she wants but her college tutor is adamant she can’t.

DGay · 27/07/2022 20:29

FanGurlll · 27/07/2022 17:56

For various reasons DS, 16, doesn't want to come on holiday this year.
Would you leave your 16 year old home alone?

No. That is much much too long.

Arenanewbie · 27/07/2022 20:29

I wouldn’t, I was this independent 16 years old and was left alone regularly but not for 2 weeks, it’s too much. However my approach would depend on his reasons, is there anything which might help him to change his mind?
By the way you can’t force him to go on holiday but you can’t equally force him to go to grandparents. Would grandparents be able to come to yours?

jumpingwithjoy · 27/07/2022 20:30

Nope, my house would be uninhabitable after 2 weeks left with my 16 year old.
I would spend the whole fortnight phoning him making sure he'd managed to get out of bed and eat something that wasn't cereal.
The bins would be overflowing, the toilet would be a health hazard, the dog wouldn't have been walked, the garden would be just one giant mound of dog poop - I'm stressing out just thinking about it ...(and thats before I even think about the potential for parties!)
I was 16 once, I have been to "those" parties Blush
OH HELL NO!!!!! I like my house too much

GeriTheBerry · 27/07/2022 20:32

Not sure why people are comparing it to going to uni. I travelled to China to teach English at 17, had a marvellous time, but I'd have hated to be left alone in my parents' house for 2 weeks at that age. Very boring and I'd either have felt lonely or else had a party. It's not lack of competence, it's just that being on your own knocking about in a big house isn't much fun and I can imagine would make an anxious child more anxious and a party-throwing child more likely to throw a party.

Uni on the other hand is lots of fun and really not difficult.

DashboardConfessional · 27/07/2022 20:33

Lasagnainmyhair · 27/07/2022 20:28

With it now being required to go to college there’s a lot more pressure and extra work and it’s not possible for alot of 16 years to have jobs. DN has worked weekends and evenings in a florist since was 14, she’s been told by multiple people from school and her new college that she will have to quit before September, a lot of her school teachers even tried getting her to pack it in before year11. She’s devastated and asked if she could just start full time at the florist instead of going to college, she can’t as part time education isn’t funded here so she has to stay in full time education for another 2 years but DB and SIL told her she doesn’t have to quit yet and can try doing both if she wants but her college tutor is adamant she can’t.

Show quote history

And yet I managed 16 hours a week retail (same as DH) while doing a 4 year degree at Durham.

Why do they even need to know she has a job? It was none of my tutor's business what I did in my spare time. They're just worried about their stats.

Apttag · 27/07/2022 20:36

My parents left me home alone for 5 weeks when I was 16 to visit family in Australia. I worked most of the summer, saw friends, got my GCSE results, all was fine. No parties as I was a geek sensible. My best friend started living independently at the same age after a complicated family breakdown. Sounds fine to me as long as they are comfortable with it.

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:37

SexyLittleNosferatu · 27/07/2022 20:20

In all seriousness is this not your failing? You've raised a kid to the age of 16 and yet they aren't capable of spending one single night alone without a series of mishaps?

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Oh yes, absolutely. I have failed my child because he’s been 16 two months and hasn’t been left alone. Get a grip you absolute clown.

JustLyra · 27/07/2022 20:43

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:37

Oh yes, absolutely. I have failed my child because he’s been 16 two months and hasn’t been left alone. Get a grip you absolute clown.

Show quote history

if your 16 year old isn’t capable of spending a night alone - which is what the poster said, not that they hadn’t stayed alone - then that is a failing.

Much like your failure of basic manners.

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:49

JustLyra · 27/07/2022 20:43

if your 16 year old isn’t capable of spending a night alone - which is what the poster said, not that they hadn’t stayed alone - then that is a failing.

Much like your failure of basic manners.

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My manners?! Ok petal. It’s absolutely me who’s judging someone over what was meant to be a light hearted comment.

I’m sure you’re an exemplary parent and your children are so independent and capable. Well done. The internet is sooooooooooo proud of you.

Coffeeenema · 27/07/2022 20:51

Over my dead body....!

Floofboopsnootandbork · 27/07/2022 20:51

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:37

Oh yes, absolutely. I have failed my child because he’s been 16 two months and hasn’t been left alone. Get a grip you absolute clown.

Show quote history

If you’re unable to leave a 16 year old alone for a couple of hours without them risking the dog getting out, a break in, or burning the house down then yes, that’s failing. Time to teach him some responsibility I think.

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 27/07/2022 20:55

No - she will get lonely and scared
Or she will have a party that will get out of control or both

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:57

Floofboopsnootandbork · 27/07/2022 20:51

If you’re unable to leave a 16 year old alone for a couple of hours without them risking the dog getting out, a break in, or burning the house down then yes, that’s failing. Time to teach him some responsibility I think.

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Thanks for your opinion 👌

Picksomethingatrandom · 27/07/2022 20:59

I am on holiday at the moment, left my 16 year old home alone for the week. Various friends/neighbours planned to call in at random. 'D'H obviously felt I was being irresponsible, so has left his OW for a few days to keep an eye on him...
The irony. 16 year old is more mature and has a better moral compass than his father...

stillherenow · 27/07/2022 21:00

No, I was left alone at this age. Hence I wouldn't leave dd alone at this age !

MeditationAndMusic · 27/07/2022 21:00

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:37

Oh yes, absolutely. I have failed my child because he’s been 16 two months and hasn’t been left alone. Get a grip you absolute clown.

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Your description of what you came home to does seem quite extreme. 😬

rookiemere · 27/07/2022 21:03

Picksomethingatrandom · 27/07/2022 20:59

I am on holiday at the moment, left my 16 year old home alone for the week. Various friends/neighbours planned to call in at random. 'D'H obviously felt I was being irresponsible, so has left his OW for a few days to keep an eye on him...
The irony. 16 year old is more mature and has a better moral compass than his father...

That feels like a whole other thread.

JustLyra · 27/07/2022 21:07

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 20:49

My manners?! Ok petal. It’s absolutely me who’s judging someone over what was meant to be a light hearted comment.

I’m sure you’re an exemplary parent and your children are so independent and capable. Well done. The internet is sooooooooooo proud of you.

Show quote history

Well yes, resorting to name calling a previous pleated when you didn’t even read their post correctly does say a lot about your manners.

Never claimed to be exemplary. I don’t have to be a dick to people online to get my kicks though, which does put me one up on you.

JustLyra · 27/07/2022 21:08

*previous poster

beachcitygirl · 27/07/2022 21:09

Not a chance. I wouldn't give him
The option. He would have to sulk on holiday & i would ignore him if he did.

Steelesauce · 27/07/2022 21:12

A week maybe but not 2 weeks. Mainly due to ensuring they have enough food in etc.

I was left for long weekends at 14/15/16. Once I could drive at 17, they did a week+ so I could get myself to the shop etc. As we lived in a rural village.

Tbh everytime they went away I had wild parties and caused chaos BUT the house was always cleaner then when they left when they got home. And the vodka out the cupboard was mysteriously less alcoholic 🤣

Fluffytheevil1 · 27/07/2022 21:12

JustLyra · 27/07/2022 21:07

Well yes, resorting to name calling a previous pleated when you didn’t even read their post correctly does say a lot about your manners.

Never claimed to be exemplary. I don’t have to be a dick to people online to get my kicks though, which does put me one up on you.

Show quote history

Ah yeah, you’re the best. I aspire to be as amazing and wonderful as you. 😶

easyday · 27/07/2022 21:13

Well.....
We left my 16 year old stepson on his own for a week. He lived with us full time and did not get on with his mother. We discussed it and decided he was mature enough.
So of course the very first night we went away he had a party that got out of hand. A painting got slashed. My son's cot was broken. Two windows were cracked. My husbands Oyster card was stolen. And someone smashed my neighbour's Landrovers windscreen.
Never again.

PrezelwithMarmite · 27/07/2022 21:14

I did 10 days at 16.
Had a few parties (not wild and out of control) which my parents agreed to prior.

I was alway sensible and was working FT so was work, pub (yes at 16)for 1 drink with colleagues, bus home. Dinner chill bed for most of it.
I loved it. Moved out at 16.5 as loved the freedom