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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having kids in nursery all summer whilst you’re off

248 replies

Willwejustbehotforevernow · 26/07/2022 21:19

Just seen a friends post about being happy to be off for the whole summer (teacher) because now she can pick her kids from nursery (they’re in full time whilst she works)
Would you still put your kids in full time nursery if you worked full time and then had summer off-6 weeks, where you could be with them?

OP posts:
echt · 27/07/2022 00:14

Bigchezemakeme · 27/07/2022 00:00

Have just caught up on all your posts. You sound like a judgemental arsehole. Why do you give a fuck what works for your ‘friend’? You just wanted a load of posts telling you what a good parent you are.

The OP has been scrupulous in not judging.

FreezyFreezy · 27/07/2022 00:36

I used to send mine. They'd go half the week instead of all of it but they'd still go. It meant I could get some work done without them there (planning, organising the classroom, making resources etc) and go to appointments by myself. They loved it and I got a break.

V4Vienetta · 27/07/2022 00:52

My kids nursery they are either term time places or year round and I imagine teachers need a few extra days or weeks for planning, marking etc. So would need somewhere between term time and a year round place, so have to pay for it all year round so might as well use the place especially if kids are happy there and in a routine etc. I will have to pay full fees foe the time we are away on holiday which is a shame, but also means I have the hours I need the rest of the time so worth the cost to keep the place open

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 27/07/2022 01:03

The OP has been scrupulous in not judging.

It honestly doesn't come across like that

KissMyElbow · 27/07/2022 04:35

Willwejustbehotforevernow · 26/07/2022 21:38

@Beees As I said, money isn’t an issue

Oh dear GOD. Money may not ‘be an issue’ from your EXTERNAL viewpoint but it’s how people also perceive money and it’s value which for your friend, you’ll know nothing about (even if you think you do).

If that’s what she wants to do then that’s what she wants to do and no one should judge her for it, you may not do it, I may not do it but that is OUR decision.

FFS mum judging is fucking hideous and we’re still over here in 2022 doing it 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

stuntbubbles · 27/07/2022 05:05

echt · 27/07/2022 00:14

The OP has been scrupulous in not judging.

Show quote history

Ahahahahahahaha! Can you not read between the lines? “I simply can’t understand why everyone doesn’t parent like me, the better parent, who isn’t putting my child in full-time nursery this summer. Don’t people want quality time with their children? Faux naive innocent blinks, it’s just so confusing!” The whole thing is judgy as fuck.

Babymeanswashing · 27/07/2022 05:18

The system at my nursery means I can send DD in for 2.5 days a week. I’m really glad of it to be honest. I don’t have any help and she’s very full on. If I had to pay for FT regardless I don’t know what I’d do.

Babymeanswashing · 27/07/2022 05:20

But I did meet a teacher and her teacher husband today at a toddler group who had sent their older child to holiday club and I was a bit surprised at that. So maybe I’m a hypocrite.

Eatingsoupwithafork · 27/07/2022 05:59

I don’t get full summer off but if I have an odd day off and it coincides with DD’s nursery she still goes and I enjoy a day to myself.

Myself and DH put a day off in May, sent my LO to nursery and we just went shopping and for lunch, was lovely for us and I’m sure my DD would have been bored so much better for her being in nursery.

incompetentdh · 27/07/2022 06:11

Willwejustbehotforevernow · 26/07/2022 23:26

@Beees They're not reducing their child’s hours or going on holiday. I wouldn’t have posted about it if so 🙈

Your OP was based off of your friends social media post about looking forward to doing pick ups and drop offs of her DC from nursery. She didn’t post her detailed holiday timetable and unless you have spoken with her in detail about her summer plans, you cannot assume that she is not going on holiday or doesn’t plan to pick the children up earlier/ take them out of nursery for days out. Either way, it doesn’t warrant a judgey post about her lifestyle choices.

EV117 · 27/07/2022 06:34

But I did meet a teacher and her teacher husband today at a toddler group who had sent their older child to holiday club and I was a bit surprised at that. So maybe I’m a hypocrite.

But children do enjoy nursery and holiday clubs. It’s not just for child care, it’s a nice way to do different activities and be with friends. The child benefits too. I don’t understand this mum guilt around leaving a 3 or 4 year old at nursery - they are not a baby anymore, they don’t want to spend all their time with mummy, they like being with their friends. Mine always go for half terms and Easter on a few days so I can get work done and have a day to myself. Mine was therefore thoroughly disappointed to not be going over the summer. I completely messed up his holiday plans 😂

Musti · 27/07/2022 06:37

I would want to spend the time with my kids but I wouldn’t judge nor care. Maybe her kids love it. Maybe her job is stressful and needs a break. Maybe she has other stuff to take care of. Maybe after spending all year with kids 24/7 she needs some time without kids?

MeenzAmRhoi · 27/07/2022 06:39

As a child who was always sent away to school holiday childcare, I'd say she was being unreasonable to continue to put them in full time. I absolutely hated it and would have loved to have seen my mum (but she had to work...it would've been worse had I known she was at home).

A compromise would be best here, nursery 2/3 days then the rest at home doing fun things.

MushMonster · 27/07/2022 06:46

Well... they may love nursery, she may be off but studying/training for something, she may be preparing for her next year curriculum, she may be redecorating her house.....
She may just need some peace and rest.
Nothing wrong 🤔

MaryWM · 27/07/2022 06:51

Yes, I would.

  1. I am paying for it regardless.
  2. My child loves it there and has lots of friends
  3. It would be hard to settle them back in after six weeks' absence

I'd drop them later, pick them up sooner, and probably have a few long weekends and days out, but I'd also appreciate a bit of time to get things done.

Beees · 27/07/2022 06:59

Your OP was based off of your friends social media post about looking forward to doing pick ups and drop offs of her DC from nursery. She didn’t post her detailed holiday timetable and unless you have spoken with her in detail about her summer plans, you cannot assume that she is not going on holiday or doesn’t plan to pick the children up earlier/ take them out of nursery for days out. Either way, it doesn’t warrant a judgey post about her lifestyle choices.

Exactly. The OP didn't mention she was send her child every day for full time hours, not taking them out for odd days or doing later drop offs/picks ups. I have no idea how she would know this unless she has had a full blown conversation about it which seems a stretch as the post was solely based on the fb message which only mentiones that she was looking forward to dropping off and picking her kid up.

She has absolutely no idea what the 'friend' is planning on doing it seems she's just adjusting the narrative to try and get more positive responses.

InChocolateWeTrust · 27/07/2022 07:05

Would you really pay for six weeks of nursery and not actually use it?

I would. I work full time and miss my kids so much, every day off with them is precious. I have to pay my childminder when we are off, I take holidays with my children regardless.

Tumbleweed101 · 27/07/2022 07:17

In the nursery I'm at it is different. At least half the nursery children are now off, we have school age children in as we offer holiday club and the routine and activities are a little different. I have children in all summer who won't see any of their friends now until September because their friends are term time only.

SweetBeer · 27/07/2022 07:23

I am paying nursery for dc3 on a monthly basis including the summer holidays. He'll be going apart from when we are away on holiday (3 weeks). HTH

Inkyblue123 · 27/07/2022 07:23

Good luck to her - there are many who can’t afford nursery. IMO people are sociable creatures and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to seek company for your kids, especially an only child. Nursery provides a safe, fun , learning environment which many children benefit from, my own included. I have just spent a month abroad visiting family and my littleun us bored and keeps asking for her friends 😢 she wants to play with kids her own age - not just mum. Sending your kids to nursery is not the “lazy option”.

Hardbackwriter · 27/07/2022 07:50

DH is a teacher and our children still go to nursery for their normal two days a week, and have their normal one day a week with grandparents, unless we're away or have some specific plans during the holidays. If you really want to be shocked - I'm off work this week too and we are still sending them to nursery. On Monday DH and I had our first day together just us since DS2 was born 18 months ago and tomorrow we're painting the decking and fences. DS1 carried on going to nursery throughout my mat leave with DS2, too, and the only people I've known who didn't do this couldn't afford it.

DS1 starts school in September so then we'll have no built-in holiday care but I wouldn't rule out some use of holiday club in the summer, both to give DH a breather and some work time but also because DS1 is really sociable and depending on the club could really enjoy it, more so than six solid weeks of him and dad!

Babymeanswashing · 27/07/2022 07:53

I do think some people are deliberately misunderstanding a bit though.

I don’t think it’s at all shocking that a child goes to nursery or enjoys going. But I do think five days a week is a lot.

If you’re paying for it though it’s so tempting.

Bournetilly · 27/07/2022 08:00

Yes I would still send DD. I would probably keep her off a few days so we could have days out.

BaddityHabbityHoppingPot · 27/07/2022 08:04

Reasons I don't think you are a teacher and this is a teacher bashing post designed to froth up Mumsnet op.

  1. Teachers don't have good pay. Even a head or upper Pascale, so losing a significant amount on childcare plus replacement activities would definitely be an issue, even if it didn't push you into food Bank territory.

  2. Teachers are supposed to have a minimum of a c at GCSE maths. Im struggling to understand how someone with this level of numeracy doesn't seem to get the financial implications.
    Certainly hope you are not a maths teacher.

  3. you didn't seem to factor in planning or preparation time for next term. Even the most experienced teachers take at least two weeks. Very suspicious you waited for others to bring it up then didn't elaborate.

Teachers are meant to be empathetic. You sound like a judgemental teacher basher to me.

2/10 for effort. Maybe next time include how you leave at 3pm.everyday.

surreygirl1987 · 27/07/2022 08:12

Ahahahahahahaha! Can you not read between the lines? “I simply can’t understand why everyone doesn’t parent like me, the better parent, who isn’t putting my child in full-time nursery this summer. Don’t people want quality time with their children? Faux naive innocent blinks, it’s just so confusing!” The whole thing is judgy as fuck.

100% agree. The fact that the thread exists at all is incredibly judgy.

I'll tell you something else, OP, that will probably wind you up... towards the end of my maternity leave I put my baby and toddler into nursery 3 days a week. I had my doctoral thesis to complete and I needed some time to do it before I returned to work. I bet that horrifies you.