I haven't spoken to my H all weekend

[Goatling]

Sorry if this is long.

Last year new neighbours moved into the house at the back of us, their house is west facing and quite large, ours is east facing and small so we are restricted where our sitting area is, we own the fence between the properties. There is a large elder tree hanging over our seating area which has produced several saplings which are now fence height and soon will hang over, they have also let ivy grow through our fence which is damaging it, even though we spent ages getting rid of it on our side. They have also sown climbers on their side of our fence.

My H saw the lady who lives there and mentioned the ivy, she said it doesn't bother her and to just cut our side, she also told him about the climbers. He said nothing about the damage or overhanging branches or berries or advised her she shouldn't be growing climbers up our fence.

AIBU to be mad with him for practically giving her permission to allow damage and inconvenience to us and cutting off any light to our seating area and AIBU for being cross with her for not caring about the state of our fence and garden.

YANBU to be annoyed with him
YABU to have not spoken to him all weekend, I can’t bear grown adults who sulk.

LovinglifeAF I'm not sulking, I was just so cross I couldn't bring myself to speak to him in case I got angry again.

Sort it out yourself. One day we're all going to be dead and you've wasted a weekend of your life sulking about plants? Just get over it and sort it out. Ffs.

chickenninja how can I sort it out, their house is way back from ours and we hardly ever see them at our end of the garden.

The silent treatment over something so easily sorted is pathetic.

Speak to the neighbour yourself, calmly and reasonably and find a solution.

Grow up and stop giving your husband the sulky, silent treatment just because he didn't do or say what you wanted him to.

Walk round and knock their door??

If my dh didn't speak to me all weekend over some bloody ivy i would LTB

how can I sort it out, their house is way back from ours and we hardly ever see them at our end of the garden.

Like a grown up. Go round, or when you know they're in the garden go up to them. You can say you don't think your husband made all the points he should have about damage to your fence. And take it from there.

I think you should come up with a way to sort this out together. Either do the best you can to fix things from your side or go and talk to your neighbours.

I really hate the silent treatment so YABU on that. I just think it’s really mean and solves nothing. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who gave me the silent treatment.

So your husband has tried to do something about it by having a conversation with the neighbour. You've done nothing about it. And you're angry with your husband?

It's too far for me to walk as I have COPD.

Oh my god, woman. You can't deal with this by pacing up and down the garden waiting to make eye contact. Go round, tell her to remove the climbers and to cut the tree or you will just chop anything that encroaches. He hasn't given them permission for anything.

Drive then, or get someone to give you a lift.

This is utterly bizarre over a few plants. Screams controlly vibes on your part. There are some plants you dislike. Your husband is unbothered by these plants. You are bothered. You speak to the neighbour. Fuck that if I’d be doing your dirty work and silent treatment is a form of abuse, by the way

Not speaking to someone because you're so angry is ok for an adult to do for few minutes, to treasure a breather and get your adult bearings. The silent treatment, which is when it goes on beyond a reasonable "breather", is poor communication skills in a relationship.

She's allowed to plant what she wants on her side of the fence. She's right, cut down the ivy on your side if it bothers you so much.

Your poor husband. Your behaviour is unacceptable.

The silent treatment is an abusive tactic I often find, I'm shocked you'd use it over such a minor issue rather than behaving like an adult. Your poor DH!

I had a conversation with him after he spoke to her. I get so fed up with having to sort everything out and making all the decisions, it's like having a child.

I suspect he feels the same way after this weekend…

Hont1986 I think you will find you are not allowed to grow things against a fence that doesn't belong to you.

He must feel like he's married to a child with the way you're sulking!
Go knock on her door and have a conversation yourself.

Also the climbers are unlikely to damage your fence (eg clematis, honeysuckle, Passion flower, jasmine will cling to something on the fence but not the fence itself so a good fence will support them easily). The ivy might eventually grow through but actually we have ivy on the neighbours side of our fence and I just hack it back. If they want to grow trees in their garden that’s well within their rights.

You care more about a fence than your husband.

The silent treatment is a form of a abuse, you know that, right?

Also I don't understand how their house dictates your seating area.