I haven't spoken to my H all weekend

[Goatling]

Sorry if this is long.

Last year new neighbours moved into the house at the back of us, their house is west facing and quite large, ours is east facing and small so we are restricted where our sitting area is, we own the fence between the properties. There is a large elder tree hanging over our seating area which has produced several saplings which are now fence height and soon will hang over, they have also let ivy grow through our fence which is damaging it, even though we spent ages getting rid of it on our side. They have also sown climbers on their side of our fence.

My H saw the lady who lives there and mentioned the ivy, she said it doesn't bother her and to just cut our side, she also told him about the climbers. He said nothing about the damage or overhanging branches or berries or advised her she shouldn't be growing climbers up our fence.

AIBU to be mad with him for practically giving her permission to allow damage and inconvenience to us and cutting off any light to our seating area and AIBU for being cross with her for not caring about the state of our fence and garden.

The fence and plants are not really that important here.

Silent treatment is abusive. A couple of hours whilst you're really angry may be understandable but a whole weekend is unforgivable.

So you are both annoyed at the neighbour. But instead of going to speak to them you're having a go at each other ?

One of you needs to pop round and ask them to cut the plants back their side.

That's crap. You aren't supposed to paint a fence without permission and I understand that but climbers? Don't be stupid and petty.

You can't expect him to second-guess what you want to say. If it bothers you that much, write a note to the neighbour and ask H to deliver it if you don't feel strong enough. There is a legal maximum of 2 metres in height for a fence. Ivy will weaken a fence over a few years, but your neighbour has said she doesn't mind it being cutback. Why would she worry about your garden -- do you worry about hers? If you want further information check the website for the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

Poor man!

You're getting a hard time here, and much as I dislike silent treatment I can see how his behaviour would get very wearing. I've had BFs of the "I don't mind, it's up to you" variety whenever a decision needed to be made, and after a while it drove me mad! 😡It's like always having to be the adult, with them being the easy-life child 🙄

What would you do if you found out the neighbour had painted their side of your fence a colour not to your taste?

It sounds like you’re fed up with your H for lots of reasons, whilst you are being V unreasonable not to speak all weekend, it’s not just about the fence is it?

Could you go and get some counselling so you can about it all and try to make things better for you both!