I haven't spoken to my H all weekend

[Goatling]

Sorry if this is long.

Last year new neighbours moved into the house at the back of us, their house is west facing and quite large, ours is east facing and small so we are restricted where our sitting area is, we own the fence between the properties. There is a large elder tree hanging over our seating area which has produced several saplings which are now fence height and soon will hang over, they have also let ivy grow through our fence which is damaging it, even though we spent ages getting rid of it on our side. They have also sown climbers on their side of our fence.

My H saw the lady who lives there and mentioned the ivy, she said it doesn't bother her and to just cut our side, she also told him about the climbers. He said nothing about the damage or overhanging branches or berries or advised her she shouldn't be growing climbers up our fence.

AIBU to be mad with him for practically giving her permission to allow damage and inconvenience to us and cutting off any light to our seating area and AIBU for being cross with her for not caring about the state of our fence and garden.

How extremely childish of you.

You need to seriously get a grip. Not speaking to your DH all weekend over ivy is totally pathetic.

YABU. Stop sulking. He just didn't tell her about the plants. That's not giving her permission.

You sound like hard work.

giving someone the silent treatment is abusive. Perhaps you should sort yourself out instead of worrying about a fence

Fine for a ten year old who's fallen out with a friend. Not fine for an adult especially as it achieves nothing. Your neighbour is no more aware of your concerns than they were before you chose to behave so childishly and your drip feeds contribute nothing. If you're unhappy about the ivy but your husband isn't then it's for you to deal with.

Giving someone the silent treatment is passive-aggressive and childish. Grow up. And you do sound like hard work.

I think that you need to grow up OP.

Jesus Christ
you haven’t spoken all weekend because you were just too mad
is there a drip feed coming here?

don’t you love your husband? Why would you want to be mad and make him feel bad for this long?

yes it’s annoying
but this is such an overreaction. Figure out why you’re treating him this way

I’m sorry but that sounds like sulking to me.
Maybe you both need to work on communicating better?

If you can’t walk due to COPD, why not phone her ? Write ? Text ? Email ?

Yes of course you can grow things against a fence that doesn't belong to you.

You are being ridiculous.

You sound super draining.

Grow up, OP.

Rubbish.

Write a note asking them to come round to discuss it and ask your husband to drop it through their door?

Get a lift round to their house and knock on the door?

It's quite clear you personally don't want to sort this out even though you are the one most enraged about it you want your husband to do it for you and then you can blame him and give him the silent treatment for not doing it your way. Sort it out yourself then you can rest easy that it's been done to your standards.

You are definitely acting like a child. Discuss it like an adult. You sound like a 12 yr old.

You are also capable of speaking to the neighbour (incidemtly I don't think they are in the wrong.) Your rights are you can cut anything over hanging your side

Are you absolutely sure it's your fence? The reason I ask is that I have fallen out with a neighbour who insists that we are not allowed to grow climbers on our own fence. She will not accept that it's our fence despite me showing her our deeds.

To top it all, most of our plants by the fence are now dead or dying so I suspect she is spraying weedkiller over.

Honestly I think life is far too short to get so worked up about something so minor.
He may not have said what you wanted him to, but being so angry that you cannot speak to him over this issue is such a disproportionate reaction.

To me this does sound like you may be unhappy about other things in your life in general which would explain why you are reacting so extremely to what most people would consider a non-issue.

I hope you can see that this is absolutely not worth ignoring your husband over. I’m exhausted reading it to be honest.

If your COPD is so severe you can't walk to your neighbours you genuinely have more immediate concerns than a few plants and before you get "sniffy" I'm severely disabled too and I'm aware of how it can affect your life.

Any plants, climbers on your side cut off or back and then stop sulking, my son grew out of sulking and the silent treatment when he was eight, it's totally unbecoming in an adult. I feel for your husband.

I hear B & Q have a sale on for grips.

😂 oh dear @Goatling , the jury has delivered their verdict! I can see why you’re a bit upset, but also it might be time to hug your husband and say sorry for being so angry with him and giving him the silent treatment. Hopefully, he’ll forgive you and won’t give you the silent treatment back.

YABU to not talk to your husband, its not his fault she brushed him off when he mentioned it.

Just walk or drive round to their house and knock on the door, introduce yourself and explain calmly that the Ivy is causing damage to your fence and that the additional saplings and the existing tree are overhanging your garden and you would appreciate it if they would arrange for the Ivy to be cut back to prevent damage and ideally the tree to be thinned so that you aren't so overshadowed.

If they won't do anything then you have put them on notice that you have an issue with the trees and that you will have to cut back the overhanging branches. Also you have to offer them back to them if you cut them but you can't just dump them over the fence so if they don't want the cut branches back then you have to dispose of the same.

Something tells me your DH is probably enjoying the breather silent treatment!

The neighbours are perfectly entitled to plant what they like on their side of the fence, and you are perfectly entitled to cut down anything that encroaches into yours if you give the cuttings back. When you say it is damaging the fence, are you sure the fence is actually yours rather than theirs?