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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you drive 7 hours in day for a family meet up?

161 replies

Imsunburntandfedup · 24/07/2022 23:11

Every year my DM arranges a family meet up at a beach in Cornwall where we all get together - it is a lovely beach and rare for everyone to be together at the same time. Everyone else lives locally so it takes between 10mins and 45 mins for them to get there. We are further afield so it is about 3 1/2hrs there and back (including a quick stop at Costa or somewhere similar on route) so 7 hrs driving in all. We have 2 DC so they need a break really.

After a particularly grueling journey yesterday, 2 very tearful kids at various points and finding I have gone bright red from being on the beach too long - I'm beginning to question if I can bear to keep doing this each year. What would you do?

As aside the DC generally do have a good time at the gathering and like seeing my family, but we often have tears/stress. We can't afford to stay overnight and no-one has space to put us up so that's not an option.

OP posts:
hangrylady · 25/07/2022 07:51

No way. If they really want you there they'll squeeze you in.

AngelinaFibres · 25/07/2022 07:52

My husband has many ,many cousins and siblings. We meet up every year . They all live around Manchester and Sheffield. We live 4 hours away. We are the only ones not in the North so we are the ones who drive. Quite often we meet at the Yorkshire sculpture park and take a picnic. We always stay in a Premier Inn type hotel the night before. Our financial/ children situation is different to yours now but when I was a single parent I would have saved money throughout the year to pay for an overnight stay somewhere my family were meeting. I would have taken food and had a picnic somewhere or shared some chips on a beach for tea. You are the ones who moved away so the effort to be part if it is absolutely yours . If you don't make the effort they will go without you. Odd that they aren't more welcoming.

MummyGummy · 25/07/2022 07:53

It really sounds like your family are putting in minimal effort to see you. No-one can put you up, they won’t ever travel to see you as it’s too far (!).
Maybe just skip it next year and see how they react, maybe they’ll be a little more accommodating. If not, then why should you put so much effort into maintaining a relationship with people who don’t care as much.

Sally872 · 25/07/2022 07:53

I would if it kept connection with family that would be difficult with the distance otherwise.

For me kids would be fine on way there and sleep after day at beach on way back.

LookItsMeAgain · 25/07/2022 07:59

No - In answer to your question whether I'd travel 7 hours in a day for a family meet up - I don't think that I would.

Would they consider moving the meet up location to be nearer a member of the family each year, so one year it's your town/city/village that everyone heads to, next year would be one of your siblings town/city/village?

rainyskylight · 25/07/2022 08:01

I think it’s poor show that no one will accommodate you. Do any of them have camping equipment you could borrow? I don’t see why this is all on you.

redskyatnight · 25/07/2022 08:01

Tell (ideally in a WhatsApp group or similar so everyone can see the responses) that the journey is too far for one day, and you can't manage it any more and that one (or multiple of them) will have to put you up overnight if they want to see you. Then cry (metaphorically or otherwise) on the should of the person who will most care if you don't come and is likely to put pressure on the others to make it happen.

When you ask last time, I suspect everyone said "no" as they assumed someone else would offer.

ZedMammy · 25/07/2022 08:06

I have to do this regularly, my mum is a carer so the only way I can see her is to go to hers. I can’t stay due to the complexities of my step dads illness.

ZooMount · 25/07/2022 08:13

In a word - no. Not for a day on the beach. If all your family live in Cornwall or Devon why don't you ever just go and visit them off season? I'm surprised no-one can squeeze you in at all - doesn't have to be in a proper bed. You can still get nice beach days on a weekend outside of the holidays and much cheaper to stay. Surely you can all get together at another time. Cornwall in the summer holidays is the worst time to go!

Loving all the people who have suggested the train. Clearly have never been to Cornwall!

mrsfoof · 25/07/2022 08:14

Bigchezemakeme · 25/07/2022 00:09

Premier Inns usually about £50 for a family room. Don’t go out for dinner, you’re in Cornwall do a picnic on the beach

Not in Cornwall in summer holiday season! You'd be paying much more than £50/night.

Sunfriedegg · 25/07/2022 08:15

I’d do it, and I do a return trip of 500 miles once a year and a 2.5 hour drive each way several times a year. If you want to see people, it’s what you have to do. Also am amazed you can get parking in Cornwall.

TrufflesForBreakfast · 25/07/2022 08:15

Nah. No way. Especially not with young kids. If your family want you there so badly they can accommodate you. Tell them that.

TrufflesForBreakfast · 25/07/2022 08:16

Also - train is tiring too, and pretty inaccessible in Cornwall. Traffic-wise, you'll have all the queues from Bristol onwards, so the journey at this time of year is likely to take longer than 3.5 hours.

balalake · 25/07/2022 08:16

What the meet up I think could be is in September when it is still sunny, and you could find somewhere to stay that would not cost an arm and a leg. Hopefully you could afford it then. Unless there is some great significance to the particular date chosen, which is not apparent.

theremustonlybeone · 25/07/2022 08:19

The fact your mum keeps booking this beach trip knowing it’s a huge inconvenience for you and you can’t afford an over night stay is enough for me to decline to attend.

Festoonlights · 25/07/2022 08:20

They have said they can’t provide anywhere for you to stay
They haven’t even offered to let you bath and put the dc in pjs so they can sleep on the way home
They don’t even offer dinner?! Despite seven hours of driving with two dc.

I would not be doing it again, and I would tell my parents why. The kids were crying, the journey is exhausting for everyone all in a day and it’s too expensive to stay overnight. I wouldn’t e letting my dc suffer.

Continue to meet them half way and make those days more fun for your dc. Picnics, games etc.

Your family sound selfish and send absorbed, happy to leave you to do all of the running.

Festoonlights · 25/07/2022 08:21

Self absorbed

Spanielsarepainless · 25/07/2022 08:22

Between them they must have floor space, even if you and your husband take a child each and go to two separate relations. It makes such a long day, driving back after a lovely time on the beach.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/07/2022 08:22

I would do it, even if I couldn't afford to stay over somewhere. Some of the things you mention (going red from a hot day at the beach, kids getting cranky when tired) are just what can happen from a long day in the sun, and nothing to do with the journey. I wouldn't miss out on the annual family get together because of these.

midgetastic · 25/07/2022 08:23

None of your family have a living room floor big enough for you all to crash out on ?

Or none of your family are prepared to be inconvenienced at all and don't have spare bedrooms ?

rookiemere · 25/07/2022 08:27

Just reread your posts.

If staying at a hotel, I'd do it on the way back instead of on the way there, as DC will be tired after day at the beach, so more chance of sleeping and you can have fish and chips at the beach before you leave- or maybe a family member could heat up pizzas or something- so it's literally just the cost of the room.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 25/07/2022 08:27

definately ask someone to put you up

Stravaig · 25/07/2022 08:39

Tell your family you won't be coming again unless one of them can put you up overnight. If there's really no room, not even on sofas/living room floor, they can always pay for a hotel. You already cover your share via petrol costs.

It all sounds a bit fur coat, no knickers. A supposedly lovely family tradition - but no care whatsoever for the people involved.

diamondpony80 · 25/07/2022 08:40

We live about 5 hours away from my parents and the journey takes about 6 hours (with stops along the way). That's different to having your day out though and then having to drive back at the end of the day. I'd hate that to be honest. We stay over for a few days to a week.

I don't believe for a second that nobody could put you up. I'd be inclined to excuse myself from the family meeting on the basis of the long journey if nobody could be bothered to help you out with accommodation. Not even your mother would want you to stay around a day or two extra? A couple of air beds and some floor space is all you need.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/07/2022 08:42

OP, you say you're the one who moved away. It sounds to me as though, even if they aren't aware of doing so, your family are punishing you for this.

As others have said, it's inconceivable that no one can squeeze you in somewhere. Airbeds on the floor, dc on the sofa, whatever works. But something will.

I think you need to be upfront about it and make it clear you can't do this in future. Maybe talk to whichever sibling you're closest to and ask them to put you up. p