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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you drive 7 hours in day for a family meet up?

161 replies

Imsunburntandfedup · 24/07/2022 23:11

Every year my DM arranges a family meet up at a beach in Cornwall where we all get together - it is a lovely beach and rare for everyone to be together at the same time. Everyone else lives locally so it takes between 10mins and 45 mins for them to get there. We are further afield so it is about 3 1/2hrs there and back (including a quick stop at Costa or somewhere similar on route) so 7 hrs driving in all. We have 2 DC so they need a break really.

After a particularly grueling journey yesterday, 2 very tearful kids at various points and finding I have gone bright red from being on the beach too long - I'm beginning to question if I can bear to keep doing this each year. What would you do?

As aside the DC generally do have a good time at the gathering and like seeing my family, but we often have tears/stress. We can't afford to stay overnight and no-one has space to put us up so that's not an option.

OP posts:
illiterato · 25/07/2022 01:04

As a once a year event yes, I'd do it. I basically did it last month (Dorset to Kent) to catch up with friends from overseas for 6 hours. It wasn't ideal and I wouldn't do it (eg) monthly, but for me it was worth it to see them. But, that's me. I don't really mind driving. Does your OH drive? Can you do one way each or does it all fall to you?

Longt · 25/07/2022 01:08

That’s insane. I do a 3.5 hour journey regularly but I never do it there and back on the same day with small kids after a day at the beach. Surely some of your family have tents and air beds. If they aren’t arsed about putting you up / sorting you our camping stuff then I don’t know why you are making the effort . I also can’t fathom how you can afford the fuel but not the hotel. Airbnb rooms in someone’s house don’t cost that much.

littlefireseverywhere · 25/07/2022 01:16

I’m surprised they joined had room for you? If they want you there, they need to be more accommodating!

Confusion101 · 25/07/2022 01:34

People asking how op can afford fuel and not a hotel? I don't get your point! Fuel has to be paid for regardless.... A hotel doesn't mean less fuel being used?

Dinoteeth · 25/07/2022 01:53

Op I'd say no next time. I think it's bad show that family can't be bothered to visit you or host you when you visit them.

I have memories of my Aunt & Uncle and two cousins staying the night at our house, a 2 bed flat that already had a family of 4.
One cousin in a single bed with me, top to tail.
One on an airbed on the floor.
Auntie and mum in the double bed.
Dad and Uncle roughing it in the living room one on sofa and one putting two chairs together.

Seriously bad show they aren't prepared to host.

Cameleongirl · 25/07/2022 02:04

I’d do the drive for a special occasion, but like PP’s, I think it’s horrid that as you do it every year, no one offers to put you up for the night, even if you have to split between two houses. Or, if they can afford it, paying for an inexpensive hotel.

In future, I’d only do it if you really want to. Feel free to decline if you don’t!

daisychain01 · 25/07/2022 02:04

D0lphine · 25/07/2022 00:25

You can afford 7 hours worth of petrol but not a family room at a B and B?

Nonsense OP. Stop being a martyr and get a room in a cheapo B and B or hostel.

Absolutely.

I can't get over you're putting £250 worth of petrol in your car, dragging those poor kids all that way and for what - to be treated so uncaringly by people who are your family. Those children will look back and remember this as a family event of torture spending all those hours cooped up in a car. Why you're putting them through it is beyond me.

berrieslovely · 25/07/2022 02:35

daisychain01 · 25/07/2022 02:04

Absolutely.

I can't get over you're putting £250 worth of petrol in your car, dragging those poor kids all that way and for what - to be treated so uncaringly by people who are your family. Those children will look back and remember this as a family event of torture spending all those hours cooped up in a car. Why you're putting them through it is beyond me.

Show quote history

bit dramatic 🙄

mackthepony · 25/07/2022 02:41

Very slack of them that they won't put you up for one night.

Even worse that they can't make you dinner when you're in the Premier Inn.

I'd skip the beach next year

HauntingScream · 25/07/2022 02:43

It's sad that your own dm can't even put you up.
I wouldn't drive all that in one day. Save a bit every month and book a cheap hotel as soon as you know the date and make a bit of break of it.

CatSeany · 25/07/2022 03:17

I would only ever do a journey that long if I stayed overnight. If I couldn't afford to do that then I would turn down the invitation. I recently declined a family gathering that would require an overnight stay on the way, when we arrive and then on the way back given the huge distance. It didn't go down well but hey ho.

LateAF · 25/07/2022 04:38

Really poor show that no one will put you up for the night, or even worse, offer you dinner that time you did stay in a hotel locally. Even poorer that your own mam also is refusing. If they have a living room that is not already being used as a bedroom, then they have space to accommodate you. By refusing they are making it clear how unimportant you and your family are to them.

I would never “invite” a guest all that way without offering accommodation- otherwise it’s not a true invitation. Personally I wouldn’t go next year- you should invite them all to you next year but say you only have space for one family to stay in the spare room. That way they can’t accuse you of not wanting to meet up, and you have offered them exactly what they have offered you (well slightly more).

CJsGoldfish · 25/07/2022 04:58

Yes, I would.
I might look for somewhere to stay overnight though so I didn't have to leave as early and face a long drive home.

AperolWhore · 25/07/2022 05:47

I would put a little aside each month for a hotel next year, even if you have to stay an 45 minutes to an hour away to get a decent price it would still be a less stressful
journey for you all.

HandScreen · 25/07/2022 05:59

Get a cheap hotel.

Confusion101 · 25/07/2022 06:01

daisychain01 · 25/07/2022 02:04

Absolutely.

I can't get over you're putting £250 worth of petrol in your car, dragging those poor kids all that way and for what - to be treated so uncaringly by people who are your family. Those children will look back and remember this as a family event of torture spending all those hours cooped up in a car. Why you're putting them through it is beyond me.

Show quote history

Fuel has to be paid for regardless.... A hotel doesn't mean less fuel being used?

P205 · 25/07/2022 06:25

Put 10 pounds a month into a jar and save up for it?

I get it's a hassle, but it's family. Your mum won't be around for ever. I think I would make the effort.

Bargoed · 25/07/2022 06:37

I would ask again to be accommodated - if no one could be arsed then there is no one I could be arsed to drive that far to see.

70billionthnamechange · 25/07/2022 06:44

P205 · 25/07/2022 06:25

Put 10 pounds a month into a jar and save up for it?

I get it's a hassle, but it's family. Your mum won't be around for ever. I think I would make the effort.

I would do this for sure

liveforsummer · 25/07/2022 06:46

Fuel has to be paid for regardless.... A hotel doesn't mean less fuel being used?

No but it makes it more of a pleasant trip and worthwhile expense

Seashor · 25/07/2022 06:51

If I was your mum and I really couldn’t put you up, I would be paying for you to stay somewhere lovely. My children are very precious to me and I would like to think that I show them their worth.

WillitFit · 25/07/2022 06:54

A family meet up where everyone else lives close? I really can't imagine a situation where anyone would expect/want you to do it in a day. There should be loads of offers of a bed/floor for a couple of nights. If not, no I wouldn't go.

WillitFit · 25/07/2022 06:55

HandScreen · 25/07/2022 05:59

Get a cheap hotel.

I don't think there's any such thing as a cheap hotel in Cornwall in the summer.

daisychain01 · 25/07/2022 06:59

Confusion101 · 25/07/2022 06:01

Fuel has to be paid for regardless.... A hotel doesn't mean less fuel being used?

Show quote history

My point was that they must be putting the money aside for petrol, so surely it isn't beyond their wit to continue saving for a hotel.

and what I've said isn't dramatic based on the OP's description of the journey being gruelling

After a particularly grueling journey yesterday, 2 very tearful kids at various points and finding I have gone bright red from being on the beach too long - I'm beginning to question if I can bear to keep doing this each year

sounds like torture to me.

daisychain01 · 25/07/2022 07:00

The alternative is to skip a year, to have enough time to save for a hotel.

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