Would you drive 7 hours in day for a family meet up?

[Imsunburntandfedup]

Every year my DM arranges a family meet up at a beach in Cornwall where we all get together - it is a lovely beach and rare for everyone to be together at the same time. Everyone else lives locally so it takes between 10mins and 45 mins for them to get there. We are further afield so it is about 3 1/2hrs there and back (including a quick stop at Costa or somewhere similar on route) so 7 hrs driving in all. We have 2 DC so they need a break really.

After a particularly grueling journey yesterday, 2 very tearful kids at various points and finding I have gone bright red from being on the beach too long - I'm beginning to question if I can bear to keep doing this each year. What would you do?

As aside the DC generally do have a good time at the gathering and like seeing my family, but we often have tears/stress. We can't afford to stay overnight and no-one has space to put us up so that's not an option.

After reading the thread, I would refuse to go because I think they don't want you there. They book a far away destination, they don't accommodate or feed you so it's a no from me. There isn't any leeway on their part at all, how can you treat your own family like this?

No way! Presumably you see your family other times of year? Accommodation will be cheaper off season. I would instead save up to visit on a cheaper weekend, driving down on Friday and coming back Sunday night. Or meeting halfway. Lots of people leave the south for financial or other reasons. Your family should meet you part of the way or understand.

I could see that nobody can put four of you up, but could four of them each put one of you up?

It's hard to imagine a family where someone's own mother (and presumably siblings) can't make the effort to put them up for one night.

If this day out with her family means so much to your mum, I'd be asking her again next time. It might be awkward, but if she wants you there she's got to realise that the present arrangement isn't working.

For around the £100 mark you can get a pay at the property booking.com stay or premier inn. That would require saving less than £10 per month. Not much to make it more of a fun getaway for the family.

Although I do agree it's absurd that no one will let you put an air bed on their floor for the night

No offers of a room to sleep in or even a meal when you stayed in a hotel. When people tell you what they think of you, listen.

Surely if you plan ahead you can find somewhere cheaper to stay overnight. And the fact you let them get badly sunburnt is a totally separate issue.

I would just tell them straight that the journey is too much for one day and unless you can stay over you can't do it.

Then the choice is theirs to sort out you staying or not have you come.

I wouldn't be driving for 7 hours to meet people who would let me do that rather than squeeze us in for a night, even if it meant the 4 of you splitting across 2 or more houses for the night.

Not a chance, they don't sound like people worth making the journey for, family or no family.

I have done a 4hr round trip to PIL in one day a few times without children, and even that pushed me to my limit. No way could I manage 7hrs with two small children.

I find it shocking that not one person can let you blow up a couple of airbeds on their home without any legtimate reason. I know when I was growing up it was either airbeds in the living room or pitch a tent on the front lawn at relatives.

You could call their bluff, and say you are not going because you cant afford accomodation, and see if anyone offers their living room floor?

If you get them to confirm next year's date now, then book a Premier In or Travel Lodge straight away, it should be less than £50 .

Yes, this.

It's just not possible that any home couldn't find floor space for a night or two for family who have travelled so far to meet up. I'd be worried sick about my adult children and DGCs doing such a lot of driving in one day, especially after a tiring day on the beach.

I wouldn't "let" them do it, let alone make them do it. I'd absolutely make sure organising included finding them somewhere to stay.

@Oblomov22 yes it's totally true that the sun burn is a totally separate issue - it's just fuelling my irritation! 🤣
Though because we have traveled such a distance we spent way more time on the beach than I would normally (I'm very fair) and as we had to get there v early to try to avoid the seaside morning traffic. But totally my own fault that I got burnt - youngest DC was having a bit of a meltdown when I was putting on my suncream so I missed a chunk of skin on my skin and now look like a lobster 😂.

If staying over really isn't an option can you suggest a beach that's more of a mid way, and make a point of saying its because of the long journey and not being able to stay at anyone's house.

If you don’t stop it would be less than 3 hours each way. 8am - 11am and then home 6pm-9pm.

One parent drives there, one back.

It’s only once a year and doesn’t seem that unusual or strenuous to me.

I would probably prefer getting it all done in one day rather than staying overnight on floors etc, less hassle and less planning.

Trains often take longer than driving esp to the coast and as you say - a day at the beach generally requires a lot of stuff. Plus who wants a long team journey at the end of a hot sandy day at the beach.

however I don’t blame you for starting to get fed up. I think next time it’s raised I’d say you probably won’t be coming next time unless someone can put you up as the journey too getting too much. Plant the seed now. Or yeah - given everyone else has nice easy journeys and can be home in their own beds - and you already have costs - perhaps they can all chip in for a premiere inn for you.

think they are being a bit selfish / unthinking really - probably don’t mean to be tho

No way would I travel that distance for a day. Can they really not squeeze you in for one night, even camping out in their lounge?!

£250 of fuel? I did a 10 hour round trip to York 2 weeks ago. 1.96 a litre and it was £130.

Anyway my suggestion is get back an hour or so towards where you live (into Somerset or go further into Wiltshire) and then stay somewhere.

Yes I’d do this so my kids could see their family
But what I’d actually do is save a small amount each month towards a cheap one night stay somewhere.
you could do that, or borrow a tent, it’s not hard. You just don’t want to?

Can you start saving now for next year and stay in a travel lodge/ premier in ? Put £2 to one side in a jar every week .

If nobody could put me up, no I wouldn't. If they really want you there, someone will help.

If your mother organises this, have to talked to her about how much of a pia this trip is for you? If you are meeting siblings and you mum, how does your mum not have space in your old room?

I definitely wouldn't make it a stressful long day trip. Make it stretch into a whole weekend down there and enjoy it!

Oh just seen that's out, sorry.
How about meeting up somewhere halfway - less fuel for you and you can do it there and back in a day.