Sunday night work blues.. I'm in floods of tears

[itsoneofthosethings]

I posted recently regarding how unhappy I feel with work.

I got back from a weeks holiday on Friday, and the entire way through the holiday and over this weekend, I've been feeling seriously down and depressed.

I do have anxiety, I take medication for it. But the way im feeling right now is just another level.

I can't even decide what it is that's making me feel so low. As soon as I think about work, going back, seeing the colleagues I work with, I just break down in tears. Im shaking, feel sick, I just can't stop crying.

DP doesn't understand it, said there's no possible way I could be depressed.. I've got 'everything' I could ever want. This is really not about what I have and haven't got. Im seriously struggling, feeling extremely low, and I don't know where to turn to. I can't see a way out.

I've considered quitting work tomorrow with immediate effect; even though I know it's a stupid thing to do, just because I can't face the thought of going in. I've been swooped so low as to 'hope' I get admitted into hospital or similar so I've got a valid reason not to have to go in. This is so unlike me I can't recognise how I'm feeling.

I don't know what to do. I just can't stop crying. I think it stems from frustrating, micromanaging emails from a colleague at EXACTLY the same working level as me in my office, the entire time I've been away. I don't feel like I've had a break, and I'm struggling with asserting myself in the workplace so also fully aware I get completely walked all over. I just don't know what to do.

If it's your job that's making you so unhappy, then it's ceetainly worth looking at other options

Go into work tomorrow and tell your manager exactly what you have posted here. You were disappointed that your holiday has been spoilt by receiving emails from a colleague who is not your supervisor. Is this the person who left then came back? She's trying to establish herself as better than you by putting you down. Ignore her or even better play her at her home game.

Yep it's the one that left for a few years and then came back.

Trouble is she's 'covered' her back so to speak; since she emailed the issues to my works email address which so happened to pop up on my Home Screen whilst away. So I saw them.

Therefore I don't suppose I've got a leg to stand on. I'm just so sick of it all, I can't afford to quit and I can't afford to take a sick note that the doctors strongly urged me to give into work, since it's just stat sick pay. I'm so down I just don't know where to turn. I've never ever felt like this. It feels so foreign ☹️

Go in tomorrow and speak with your manager. Say exactly what you have said here and escalate it. If you feel that nothing is being resolved in said amounts of weeks, start to look for something else. If nothing comes along quick enough that you REALLY want, then I would hand my notice in.

Good luck!!

Can you say exactly what she's actually covered her back about? Maybe we could then all suggest a response/how to handle it?

Long story short, she worked for the company 4/5 years ago and did the exact job that I do now. She left for a while, and then came back around 7/8 months ago into a different role in a different part of the buisness.

When I'm off sick or on annual leave, my manager (who's got no clue what my work actually entails..) asks her to cover. So she's got access to the information, emails etc that I use for my job.

This time whilst I was away, my manager asked a different member of staff to cover my workload, and so I handed over what I needed to, to him.

Over the holiday, I got emails from her along the lines of 'been checking X,Y,Z.. I don't understand why you've done this, it's not right' and 'this is wrong so sort it when back' etc etc. nothing 'rude' as such but it's really got me down. I have NEVER been pulled up on my work, how I do things or anything like that by my manager, yet my colleague seems
happy to be managing me.

Ok. So as much as I would more than likely feel how you do, she has no right to behave the way she has. If your work has been absolutely fine and no one has pulled you up or criticised without reason then I would 100% ignore. I know it's hard, but she's irrelevant in the scheme of things. Don't let this person make you feel like this. If you're good at your job, confident within your role and in yourself then you need to go back in there into YOUR role and own it.

Learning acceptance is good for anxiety, plus beta blockers too!

I could have written your exact post, I too have had a week from work and going back tomorrow having feeling that I've not had a proper holiday as the work WhatsApp group, muted, was still on my phone and I ended up checking the messages for any "emergencies" that needed me (no one did of course!)

I am trying to manage my anxiety by reassuring and reminding myself that things are never as bad as you think they are going to be and that the distraction of work does help my anxiety disorder and I will be back into the swing in no time. I am half expecting a dressing down over something beyond my control but which I could have managed better before I went away. Im ready to accept that and Ive decided for my own mental health Im not going to make up any scenarios in my head about what/how I will deal with it; I will have the conversation when it comes.

If I could not go back to work tomorrow I wouldn't but I have to. I've done the whole impulsively left jobs when unhappy with my anxiety/wanted to have a freak accident to give me some "time" etc but I do think in hindsight you have to accept that returning to work is going to happen and trying to fight it is only fighting yourself and the inevitable.

I actually quite like my job by the way. I hate my anxiety though. Best of luck.

Thank you everyone. I've got a lovely DO however he really can't understand how I'm feeling. He says I've got everything I could wish for (yes we are fortunate) but I'm so so unhappy. Not with my life and what I may or may not have.. it's deeper than that. My entire being and how I feel inside just feels wrong.

Don't let the buggers grind you down

Tell your manager as PPs have said. Who is she to say it's wrong or patronise you - she literally doesn't have the authority. Explain to your manager the impact her emails have. And ask for a solution so someone else covers. Worst case it's a job seekers market at the moment so escalate and leave if it doesn't improve. She's not manager she can't tell you to sort stuff.

It doesn’t feel like you’ve got much to lose from speaking to your manager at this point?

Life is too short to stay in a job that is making you feel this terrible. Ring in sick, get signed off by your GP, and then look for a new job.

She has taken it upon herself to manage you. She hasn’t been asked, so you can just ignore her. Delete all her emails without reading them, and if she chases responses, again just ignore. If there were any issues with your work it would have already been flagged by your manager, so you have nothing to worry about. People like this are bullies who see that you’re a none confrontational person and she hasn’t been good enough to secure a managerial role, so has picked you to be the one she can boss around.

How are you seeing these emails when you're on leave? I'm on holiday and my work phone is switched off?
Or is she emailing your personal email?

They're coming through my personal mobile via the email app I have. I've not been actively looking and my emails however it popped up on my Lock Screen

Oh don't have access to work emails on your personal phone or switch off the notifications at least. That sounds so incredibly stressful.

I was signed off sick with stress when I fell down the stairs and broke my elbow. My first thought was “if I wasn’t already off sick I would be so pleased about this”. I knew it was time to look for another job.

I think you should, at least, see your GP and possibly try some anti depressants. Also speak to your manager. Your colleague should not be interfering in your work.

She's doing it to piss you off and undermine you. She's a bully. Delete her emails and ignore her. If she asks just say 'I wasn't aware you'd been promoted to be my line manager?'

Yes do this!

I think I’ve been where you are right now. I’d come to the end of the line. My husband knew how I felt, we worked in the same place, I cried all the way in the car. In the outside I had everything. On New Year’s Eve that year I was rushed to hospital with abdominal pains, supposed cystic ovaries ?? Nothing every really diagnosed. I never went back to work, I had a complete mental breakdown, could barely leave the house. Clinging to my mum at 30 something years of age. This episode actually made me seek the help I’d needed for a long time. This was in 2016, since then I changed career, had my two darling children and become a more confident and happy in my life. I’d struggled on for a long time and it was this rock bottom that helped me build my life up differently. If I’m honest if you are crying about work, you need to leave and take stock, life is too short for this. I really hope you leave your work and make yourself happy finding another path in life x

First thing I do when I go on leave is to log out of work email and calendar on my phone. It's a choice whether to allow those thing to continue when you are on holiday, they don't just magically appear.

Take a really deep breath and admit to yourself what your worried about. Is it that you worry your not doing a good enough job and she is picking up on that. Is it you find it tough to take any form of criticism or is she just mean and trying to undermine you. I would deal with this head on. I know it's really not easy when you feel like this but it's the best way. Tell yourself what's the worst that can happen. No one is going to fire you on the spot. Dont let your brain start catastrophising everything. Write the email now if you can. Dear boss I am unhappy with way X is communicating with me about my workload when I am away. She is being critical without reason. She is not my manager and I do not want her emailing me any feedback directly. I would also like to know when X ie other staff member is supposed to be covering me and we have done a handover, is she getting involved at all. I do not find her style of communication professional. She borders on bullying behaviour. I would appreciate you dealing with thos promptly and am happy to discuss specific examples of needed. Take some control back it will be awful for your anxiety but if you've reached the point of wishing yourself ill then it needs to be tackled.

Can you speak to your line manager about all of this?

Hmm. You can turn off notifications and you should have done. However, damage is fine now and her emails were rude so you'd have been equally hurt reading them in the office.

1. Can you up your medication or change it? Prozac is the fuckitall medication that is good for both anxiety and depression which you have.
2. You need to have a HR and manager meeting with a union rep (if you have one) to set out on paper what THEIR duty of care is to YOU. To minimise your stress and depression and to make sure this doesn't happen again.
3. Have you tried CBT
4. Make an appointment with your local iapt service for support through your GP