Sunday night work blues.. I'm in floods of tears

[itsoneofthosethings]

I posted recently regarding how unhappy I feel with work.

I got back from a weeks holiday on Friday, and the entire way through the holiday and over this weekend, I've been feeling seriously down and depressed.

I do have anxiety, I take medication for it. But the way im feeling right now is just another level.

I can't even decide what it is that's making me feel so low. As soon as I think about work, going back, seeing the colleagues I work with, I just break down in tears. Im shaking, feel sick, I just can't stop crying.

DP doesn't understand it, said there's no possible way I could be depressed.. I've got 'everything' I could ever want. This is really not about what I have and haven't got. Im seriously struggling, feeling extremely low, and I don't know where to turn to. I can't see a way out.

I've considered quitting work tomorrow with immediate effect; even though I know it's a stupid thing to do, just because I can't face the thought of going in. I've been swooped so low as to 'hope' I get admitted into hospital or similar so I've got a valid reason not to have to go in. This is so unlike me I can't recognise how I'm feeling.

I don't know what to do. I just can't stop crying. I think it stems from frustrating, micromanaging emails from a colleague at EXACTLY the same working level as me in my office, the entire time I've been away. I don't feel like I've had a break, and I'm struggling with asserting myself in the workplace so also fully aware I get completely walked all over. I just don't know what to do.

You need to speak to your manager.
micro managing is a known factor of causing stress and stressed related illness in the work place. We got training on how to avoid your team getting stressed at work (and thus avoiding long term related absences) and micro management was a big no no. Someone constantly emailing you and questioning what you’ve done and implying it’s puts you on edge. If you’ve done something wrong a line manager needs to discuss with you and on an appropriate way no one else

sorry op it’s time to be brave go in and have that conversation.

personlly I used to bottle stuff up too then one day I walked into work burst into tears couldn’t stop crying my manager told me to leave work and go straight to the doctor and I was signed of for 5 weeks. A friend had died, work was stressful and I was determined to “not let the team down” and eventually just imploded…

I do struggle with my manager. I like her, but I think I like her just because she's more like a friend? She isn't very professional. Has openly said she doesn't really understand my job role and what I do.. and she loves to gossip. I've walked into the office on several occasions where her and the colleague in question are chatting or discussing others in the team.

For this reason I would find it really hard raising issues about colleague to my manager since it's very highly likely that they will discuss it together. I just feel quite stuck.

Can you afford to give up work???

Sadly I definitely can't afford to give up work, DP could part support me but I've got more personal outgoings than him.

I'd also worry massively about how my
I'm-laws to be would perceive me IF I was to quit work and stop working all together for X amount of time.
They are very against this, having spoken openly about how awful they think it is when one party is supporting the other in a relationship 100%.. they are very opinionated around work and not working without good reason.

I really feel for you.
I know I suggested this before but can't you join a temp agency and focus on getting some counselling for your anxiety? Life is too short x

Please stop putting barriers in your own way. You are self-sabotaging. What your in-laws think of you in this situation is irrelevant. So is whether your manager talks to your colleague. You need to grab this situation by the neck and do something. You can do it.

Life is so short. I'm so hyper aware of this at the moment as a close family member is really unwell.
I hate to move around and be down about something like this, when in the scheme of things it's really nothing. But to me it's causing so much stress and upset. 😣

I could look into agency for sure.. but I worry I'll then struggle to find something permanent

I don't think you would struggle to find something permanent. You would still be working just on your terms and may be offered something on a permanent basis if you loved it at a particular place. On the other side, if you did not enjoy a certain place, you wouldn't have to go back.
Also, I am awful for the same thing so I get it, but please stop worrying about what your inlaws think of your decision. They are not the one in your shoes. Someone once said to me that even if someone was a CEO, stunningly beautiful, lovely home, gorgeous kids, loving husband etc, they would still be something they would be judged on. Moral of the story is, you will never please everyone all the time or meet their approval but the important thing is for you to be happy and to live life on your terms. We only get one life after all.

@itsoneofthosethings But what does it matter if the coworkers are gossiping? Yes, it’s not great but you get that in every work place. The micro managing isn’t great but also have to ask why would you check them on a personal phone on holiday? I speak from experience not judgement, put up better barriers between work and your personal self. They cannot validate you. This should be from you, family, friends outside of work interests.

Can you get signed off with your anxiety for a little bit if you are feeling so worked up?

Speak to your doctor.
I was extremely anxious about my job a few months ago, I was signed off for 4 weeks with workplace anxiety due to frequent panic attacks, heart palpitations (that were investigated and confirmed) and migraines.
I had been getting more and more stressed over the course of a year, however had a breakdown and got signed off.
It was the best thing I could have done.
I'm now back with a reduced workload, as it was far too high before (work agreed but refuswd to act until said breakdown) and now work is much more manageable.
I still have my odd bad day when things feel overwhelming, but they have massively improved.
Definitely speak to your doctor if you're feeling so low, and try to work out what is the cause of you feeling this way.

You are 25. You can’t stop working altogether. You need to figure out how to deal with people. It is called being an adult. You have to work. This is a massive problem with society today, it is extremely worrying with so many people not being able to cope with normal life situations.

I know exactly how you feel Op. I was a teacher. I used to vomit on a Sunday night because the dread of going in on Monday was so huge. I hated it with every fibre of my being. My parents were appalled when I finally resigned after 20 years. Life wasn't for enjoying. If you hated a job you should stick at it until it got better. I think 20 years was more than enough sticking at it. My situation was different to yours because my husband earned more than enough to maintain our lifestyle. He had been widowed young and was very much of the opinion that life was short and absolutely precious and there were many ways to live that didn't involve panic attacks, throwing up and misery. Can you get a job that is just a job for a while ? If you do agency work you may do a bit of work in a much nicer place and then get offered more work there. If somewhere is equally horrible to where you are now you can decide not to accept work there. You only have one life Op. Nobody died because their inlaws didn't approve of something they did. Your life has feck all to do with them. You may find that they are just projecting their own issues onto you. My father worked and worked because he was terrified of having to make a life outside work. He was defined by his title,his big car, his salary. I am not my father. My life is mine. Your life is yours....and this is it, you won't get a second chance.

I'm stuck as I completely recognise that life is way too short to be stuck doing things that don't make you happy - but also I need to put my adult head on and understand I need to work, there's no bottomless out of money that I can fall back into if I were to leave..

I know it sounds cliche but I just want to be happy. That's all ☹️

What you have described in your OP is bullying by your colleague. You shouldn't be looking at work emails while on holiday and your colleague shouldnt be sending them.
Speak to your gp, manager, HR, union. Your holiday is for you to rest and relax, not to be harassed by anybody at work.
Either screenshot, print or forward the emails to your own address as evidence.

I can’t help with a lot of your posts, but I was very like you in terms of letting people walk all over me. It took having my DS with an incredibly over bearing set of in laws to show me that I just had to start speaking my truth. I would rehearse everything I needed to say and then say it. At first I would get really physically anxious about it and sweat and shake while I was doing it, but now, six years on at 34, I can largely assert myself calmly and politely.

you don’t owe anyone anything. You can do this, OP. Take charge of your life and don’t let anyone fuxk you about.

You sound depressed way beyond an annoying colleague at work and I doubt ‘having a word’ with your boss will resolve it. Speak to your GP and m/or seek therapy. Oat for it if need be.

*pay for it

Look for another job, though in the meanwhile you need to try to address the issues (bullying is perhaps a word for it). You probably need to speak to your GP as well.

If you feel this way it's having a massive effect on your health . You can't continue like this .I would speak to your doctor today. Your dp saying you have everything you need misses the point. Workplace bullying is rife sadly and this woman is guilty of it.your body is shouting enough really loudly.i remember your first post.she is at fault here.

It’s bullying, and you don’t deserve it.
And it sounds like your manager isn’t particularly effective.

Definitely see your GP. And start looking for another job. This is no way to live.

Being assertive is something people can learn. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but anyone can learn to do it. The important thing to remember is that humans disagree about things all the time, and if people aren’t respectfully disagreeing then they’re being disrespectful. You need some confidence in your own position, and other people’s disrespect undermines you.

This is your job and your life - it’s not reasonable for your colleague to try to micromanage you. It’s not reasonable for your in-laws to disagree with decisions you make about your job. It’s entirely reasonable for you to stand up for yourself where necessary.

I’m sorry your partner doesn’t understand. Perhaps he has never been bullied. Lucky him - but it just means he can’t see things from your perspective. In this situation he should be able to accept how you’re feeling instead of dismissing it.

At work at the moment and nobody's said a word to me yet, I've been sat here in complete silence.

Colleague is here, but not said anything. I know it's a frosty atmosphere but if it continues like this today I'd be happier than having to communicate with her.

I feel like my body's just screaming for a break.

Good post - the OP needs to see this.

Part of the issue here OP is having work and personal emails on the same device. Never EVER do this! If work insists that you have email access on a phone, then they should be issuing you with a company phone. When on holiday, switch it off and don't bring it with you.

Everywhere I've worked, 1999-present, work emails have always been via Outlook as part of Microsoft Office.

Home emails are usually your internet provider or Hotmail, Gmail etc.

If I have read this thread correctly, you're back in work today. Print the offending emails - while at work, not before. You said also that your manager is a gossip. She therefore might not be the best person to approach. Take your print-out higher up.

ACAS might be able to help. 0330 107 5370

I will be looking into help of some kind this evening once home. I've written down the entire contents of my mind onto my notepad and I've got so much swimming through mind that I need to organise and sort. The wedding is less than 50 days away now and it's all getting a bit scary!

Colleague still hasn't said anything.