For thinking SAHMs are making themselves financially vulnerable

[PeasOff]

Would or do you depend on your partner financially?

Do you have a backup in place in case of breakup or for your retirement?

@PeasOff

I think you might be waiting a while although there's nothing better than some faux outrage and wee stomp off

In your comment I originally replied to.

@Topgub but thats changing and it will continue too
Many women are happy to work oart time , thats not a crime i you want to be a ceo , whats stopping you ?
With more flexible working its getting easier to share the care
But having two ceo in a marriage and kids would be challenging one would always have to likely drop back , unless heavily reliant on nannys etc

@worriedatthistime why was it not financially possible? Were your earnings massively different?

@TartanGirl1 nope what is your issue with sahp , do you have a problem with them ? I

@worriedatthistime

Its not really changing and as @TartanGirl1 said the pandemic has set things back decades

@Topgub True!!

There is a thread every week about this. I was a SAHM for three years. I had one child and enjoyed every minute of it. I studied in the last year and studied after too to get a better job. I feel lucky.

I thought that having choices, especially for women, was supposed to be a good thing?

Not everyone has a choice about returning to work or staying home to look after their children, but for those that do, I can't see a reason to think that that choice should be limited.

For women on here to be criticising other people's perfectly valid choices seems beyond judgy. And wrapping it up in faux concern for them is really patronising at best and sneery at worst (they can't possibly be as intelligent as us or they wouldn't do this) as well as deceitful.

If you aren’t looking your young children full time you are probably paying someone else to do it. Is it work for them? Is it a job? Why is it only nota job if it’s the mother doing it?

@PeasOff yes because we had different careers and also due to health issues at the time I was only part time prior to my kids , but now we work in the same field , I could earn what he does but I wouldn't want his job and nor he mine .
Not every women or man wants to be a six figure earner
I know its mumsnet and thats frowned upon if you only earn £23000 you have failed in life or something

@Abra1d1 Because the mother or father caring for them chose to have them.

Someone else looking after a random child isn't going to do it free of charge!

@saraclara

Depends on the choice.

I judge loads of choices.

I'm absolutely not concerned for women who choose to be a sahm and I dont even think they're any more financially vulnerable than other women.

The choice does entrench sexist values though.

@worriedatthistime I don't know enough about MN to know low earners are frowned upon... Next debate topic maybe - thanks!

@Topgub luckily in the industry I'm in it is and in the company I work there is a fairly equal split in the top jobs
We also now have flexi working and a lot of parents now can split the childcare easier and not have to rely on paying out large chunks
Why criticise others choices though ? Its none of your business if someone wants to be a sahp

Wow that is some reach there. That is an extreme reaction to be told something you said is factually incorrect 😂

My husbands ex did very well when they divorced. 44 and she never needed to work again.
But on the flip side, I have a friend who married at 24, straight from her family home to the marriage home. Her husband runs the financial side. She's talked of divorce since I met her ten years ago but she's scared how she would cope financially (early 60s and has only had minimum wage jobs).

@worriedatthistime

Because I think its a sexist choice?

Why should sahm never be criticised?

@Topgub but instead of putting women down who stay home why not campaign for more dads too , places to offer better time of for dads
Maybe maternity could be given to dads if mums want to return back sooner or split equally

Why do so many working women care so much if a sahm is financially vulnerable or not? I don't give a flying shit what other people choose to do, leave them to it and concentrate on your own life!

@Topgub because quite frankly it has fuck all to do with you someone elses choice
I think its quite sexist for you to think you have the right to be telling other women what they should do or how they should behave
Women have also fought for the right to have choices

@worriedatthistime

Where have I put women down?

And christ you should have seen the reaction I got when I suggested just that on another thread!

Even on this thread. Women (even when they're the higher earner) don't want dads to do it

they want to do it.

@Topgub maybe a working mum should also be criticised i mean why not ?

Yes, they may have chosen to have them but someone is still going to have to do the work of providing full time care.

I worked with each of mine from 11 weeks btw. But I wouldn’t say I was a full time parent in the same way as my friend who never paid for a childminder or nursery was.

@worriedatthistime

I have told anyone to do anything

🤷‍♀️