For thinking SAHMs are making themselves financially vulnerable

[PeasOff]

Would or do you depend on your partner financially?

Do you have a backup in place in case of breakup or for your retirement?

@Topgub but whats wrong if they want to do it ? Why is that an issue , wanting to be with your kids

@Abra1d1

I never paid for a nursery or childminder and still worked nearly full time.

Do I get a medal?

@worriedatthistime

I've already explained what I think is wrong with it.

Working parents want to be with their kids too

@Topgub i know wormen in both camps and if I could of shared care with dh when kids were little and we both been able to work part time around the kids that would of been amazing

@Topgub but someone had your kids didn't they

@Abra1d1 so you think working parents (yourself included) are part time parents?

Just because someone is looking after your child, it doesn't mean they are raising them.

@Topgub calm down a bit, kids get bigger and get more independence, you're comparing the life of a baby to a school aged child, of course things become different as they get bigger, we treat them differently in lots of ways

@worriedatthistime

maybe a working mum should also be criticised i mean why not ?

They are

@Topgub but its about what works for that family not what you or I think
I think its strange when someone has a full time live in nanny and only sess their child occasionally but when all said and done if that works for them and Is their choice then I see no issue
The bigger issue is I think many would like to spend more time at home men/ women but one wage or two part time often doesn't cut it nowadays and i find that a bigger shame

Everything in life is a risk
leavkng your baby with someone else, a nursery or childminder
is also a risk

yoi don’t get to have no risk
you only get to choose which risks you are willing to take

@HappyMeal564

I am calm?

The child is different developmentally,I haven't disputed that. I dont understand why it's horrific at 1 but not at 4.

@worriedatthistime

Yeah. Me or their dad 'had them'

@Topgub you BF as well so here you go...🤣

@Topgub and when working mums are criticised everyone jumps on it so why not when it sahm
Really its no one elses business we all have different circumstances and you just do what works for you and your family
No point being a sahm if you would hate ir or going to work if you would much rather be home
Sometimes people are forced into a situation and thats a shame its much better when its a choice that is made

@Topgub for your DH (equality n all)

@Topgub so you were in a position where you had careers where both of you could look after them and both work full time
Most don't have that luxury
Many women are only sahm for a short time

I'm married and own 50% of the house so I don't consider myself vulnerable, I can find work and walk away with half of everything.

@PeasOff luckily they were able to be equal , many don't have that choice

It depends on personal priorities. If making as much money as possible is your goal then yes, being a SAHM will impact that. If you feel that your job prospects are currently low or won't be impacted by a break then it doesn't make a huge difference, especially if you believe that a parent at home is significantly beneficial for young children.

The biggest impact for me was having children so young. I hadn't had a chance to get into a career when I had my first at 22yo. My partner was only just starting out in his career too as he was only 25yo.

Having a family young will always have the greater impact over being a SAHP as you've had no time to build up work and experience and it isn't always possible to use childcare with low wages. Back when I had my first (1998) there wasn't any help really, it was prior to tax credits and if I'd gone back to work it would have had to have been within 12 weeks as I'd not been in employment for over two years at that workplace. Going back to work with a 3mth baby seemed far too soon.

I don't regret my SAHM years and I enjoyed them but having children young has made an impact on my finances today.

@worriedatthistime

No.

My criticism is very much not about individual families. It's not personal, despite the desperation of sahm to take it personally.

Its about the wider, sexist and patriarchal outcomes that lead to these choices which then reinforce and entrench the wider, sexist and patriarchal outcomes

I'm a SAHM but on paper I'm also a partner in my husband's business which is something we agreed on for this very reason.

He owns a successful business and when I left my job he signed 25% of it over to me. It's not nice to have discussions over the end of your marriage when you're not planning for it but I said there was no way I was putting myself in a position of potentially walking away with nothing whilst he had a successful business. He works incredibly hard but that also means I have sacrificed a lot of time both with him and for myself as I need to take on the bulk of childcare and things at home so he is free to do that.

It made me feel a bit more secure that he couldn't just turn into an arse tomorrow and cut me off, not that I think he would but who does! As a partner I have access to all the business accounts and banking and can take a profit from it if needed.

@worriedatthistime

How do you know 'most'couldn't have that luxury?

@PeasOff

🤣

@Topgub I certainly feel differently about leaving a 4 year old that wants to go learn and play with a higher level of understanding to leaving a baby who completely relies on me for everything. The older they get the less they need you in certain ways, therefore it's easier to let go. Surely you get that?

@HappyMeal564

No.

Not really.

I've never struggled with leaving them though.

Maybe I'm a man
🤔😮😮

@Topgub well campaign foe better rights then rather than sniping at sahm on here
Many places are changing though but not everyone is career driven either
For some people being a sahm may be want they want , you will call that sexist but your trying to put women down in the same breath
There is so much you could suggest instead

@worriedatthistime Was it just lucky? How do you know whether either of them didn't have to make accommodations or alterations to accommodate their setup?