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For thinking SAHMs are making themselves financially vulnerable
655

PeasOff · 24/07/2022 18:25

Would or do you depend on your partner financially?

Do you have a backup in place in case of breakup or for your retirement?

OP's posts:
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TartanGirl1 · 24/07/2022 19:02

Unless you are financially independent you are putting yourself in a risky position.

More women pensioners in poverty then men for this reason.

I don’t think most SAHMs really consider all the consequences of giving up work.

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SummerBummers · 24/07/2022 19:03

Everyone is vulnerable in the event of a break up. Even if you work full time, you’ll still likely halve your income in the event of a divorce and face massive lifestyle changes.

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sst1234 · 24/07/2022 19:07

You will get a lot of backlash for his post. A lot of women insisting that it’s ‘family money’ and that’s it’s sexist to question their choice to be SAHM. None of that changes the fact that it does put you at a disadvantage financially. Yes it’s a choice, and like many other choices, is fine if it works for women. But it comes with bigger trade offs than for those women who are financially independent.

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Bowtique · 24/07/2022 19:08

I really don’t get it either.

So many marriages break down, so many men are arses.

I also think women (& men) need educating as to what the workplace looks like after you’ve taken 5,10 years out. IME people think they can take a ‘career’ break to be a SAHM. Intending to go back and telling their DP they’ll go back and contribute financially to the family pot again. Lovely in theory but getting back into most careers is nigh on impossible as skills and tech moves on.

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Topgub · 24/07/2022 19:09

I dont and never have depended on my partner. Financially or otherwise.

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dreamingofsun · 24/07/2022 19:10

If you were on minimum wage job pre kids then surely you can get minimum wage job post kids? Not saying its going to make you rich but if thats what you were going to earn whilst bringing kids up, i'm not sure it makes any difference? Think you are referring to people who give up high earning careers

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sydenhamhiller · 24/07/2022 19:10

Yes, I think you are right. Luckily, after a break of 13 years as a SAHM I could step right into teaching… <thank you recruitment and retention crisis>

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ChicCroissant · 24/07/2022 19:10

Yes, I have been a SAHM. Believe it or not, some of us do plan for the future!

I have a pension from my previous employment (older mum) and have returned to work full time to boost my state pension, also paying into new works pension. Very long marriage, so any split would pretty equal.

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MakkaPakkas · 24/07/2022 19:12

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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KosherDill · 24/07/2022 19:17

Bowtique · 24/07/2022 19:08

I really don’t get it either.

So many marriages break down, so many men are arses.

I also think women (& men) need educating as to what the workplace looks like after you’ve taken 5,10 years out. IME people think they can take a ‘career’ break to be a SAHM. Intending to go back and telling their DP they’ll go back and contribute financially to the family pot again. Lovely in theory but getting back into most careers is nigh on impossible as skills and tech moves on.

Agree with this. The downsides outweigh the advantages.

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TartanGirl1 · 24/07/2022 19:17

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If it is so boring why engage?

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PandoraP · 24/07/2022 19:20

Not sure. Being a man married to a SAHM also leaves you financially vulnerable. I have male friends who wanted their wives to work, they didn’t. This partly contributed to the divorce and they had to move out of the family home and support the wife to live in the home until the kids are 18. I tell my boys to marry girls who want to work!!

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TeenDivided · 24/07/2022 19:20

It is much more of an issue if the SAHP isn't married to the partner they are dependent on.

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SunnyNunny · 24/07/2022 19:25

dreamingofsun · 24/07/2022 19:10

If you were on minimum wage job pre kids then surely you can get minimum wage job post kids? Not saying its going to make you rich but if thats what you were going to earn whilst bringing kids up, i'm not sure it makes any difference? Think you are referring to people who give up high earning careers

But this is one of the big problems people on this site seem to face that it's 'not worth' them working cause they only earn minimum wage. Neglecting to realise that if they had continued to work five years later there is a high chance they could have secured promotions, gained significant experience and no longer be in a position to only be earning minimum wage. Plus have contributed to their own pension.

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Allmarbleslost · 24/07/2022 19:27

Why don't you search for one of the many thousands of threads that have already been done on this topic op?

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prepared101 · 24/07/2022 19:29

Yes, particularly those who are unmarried but you know.. 'common law' and all that made up shit Hmm

Personally I can't imagine anything worse than being a SAHP for reasons which would undoubtedly offend most SAHP so so I won't share them but primarily working gives me financial independence.

I can't imagine the pressure on the working parent to be the sole provider of income (most SAHP don't have partners earning six figures) and I don't see how that can be healthy for a relationship. Looking after your own children is not comparable to working (believe it or not us working parents also have to look after our kids, clean the house, do the shopping etc etc)

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RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 24/07/2022 19:30

Yes i do depend on my husband financially and I haven’t a backup

long marriage (so far) so would do ok after a divorce but I would be working full time in a minimum wage job moving forward

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hattie43 · 24/07/2022 19:30

I would never leave my financial security to a man . Relationships can fail in the blink of an eye and tbh I think it puts too much pressure on one person to be the sole breadwinner . Resentment can build up and what if he can't work eg illness or wants a sabbatical or is made redundant.
Women who don't look after themselves financially can end up impoverished into retirement aswell

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Dinosauratemydaffodils · 24/07/2022 19:30

If you were on minimum wage job pre kids then surely you can get minimum wage job post kids

I've been out of work 7 and a half years (not intended but I had postpartum psychosis and then undealt with trauma bit me hard). In that time I've done a load of voluntary work, improved /kept my IT skills uptodate and gained another degree as well as just getting a distinction in an OU course which interested me. Can't get a minimum wage job though.

On the positive side I have a civil service pension and a private one plus access to all dh's money as well as some inherited money of my own but it's frustrating.

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WatermelonSugarSigh · 24/07/2022 19:34

I agree it's a more vulnerable position to be in. It's what I did when I had my children though, and I wouldn't change it for the world. The time with them when they were babies/toddlers is really precious to me.

I went back to work when the eldest was 6 and the youngest 4, when I split up with my abusive ex husband. I was 30 at the time- I think because I was relatively young when I had the kids, and only had a rubbish job before having them, it wasn't too bad for me. Young enough to start again basically. Almost 4 years on I'm now in a really good job, earning good money etc. I'm only 34 so feel I'm not doing badly at all and have time to make up for it.

I suppose when thinking about it, tangling up lives/finances with another person makes anyone more vulnerable. It's not something I wish to repeat.

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Suprima · 24/07/2022 19:35

I can walk into my well paid profession any time I want.
I am married.
I’ll be using my time to upskill and am going to be going back to my postgraduate studies now I have ‘the time to do it’.
My husband values everything I do at home.
We are very financially comfortable.
I have no fears for my retirement.

Why the fuck would I lose these years with my tiny baby? If he leaves me, I can just go back to work. Whatever. If he leaves me when I’m old, I will be able to do elements of my profession part-time and will have a property to live in.

I would feel very differently if I was a SAHM due to not being able to offset the cost of childcare, not married, my boyfriend was a twat and we had to pinch pennies. And if I had no vocation.

There are plenty of situations where being a SAHM does make you vulnerable. But for many, you are secure enough to deal with the risk of relationship breakdowns.

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TeenDivided · 24/07/2022 19:35

I can't imagine the pressure on the working parent to be the sole provider of income (most SAHP don't have partners earning six figures) and I don't see how that can be healthy for a relationship. Looking after your own children is not comparable to working (believe it or not us working parents also have to look after our kids, clean the house, do the shopping etc etc)

But Having a SAHP also reduces stress as there is someone there when children are ill, and in the summer holidays, and to get jobs done in the week freeing up more relaxing time at the weekend.

Each to their own to do what works best for them / hat they feel they need to do.
Let's let people make their own choices.

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LimpBiskit · 24/07/2022 19:37

People's financial situations vary significantly. Some women are vulnerable and others not. This has been talked to death already.

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AntlerRose · 24/07/2022 19:37

I'm financially dependent on my husband and I work. I also depend on him looking after our child with SEN so i can go to work as there is no childcare and he is only in school 12 hours a week. We are both either at work or with our son.

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ancientgran · 24/07/2022 19:37

It's a choice and when you make a choice it will come with consequences. I always worked, didn't have much option, but I can see why women choose to be a SAHM if it is doable for their family.

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