For thinking SAHMs are making themselves financially vulnerable

[PeasOff]

Would or do you depend on your partner financially?

Do you have a backup in place in case of breakup or for your retirement?

Working out of the home parent!
Either parent .
Yes thats what Im seeing as well.
I should add though that women have always worked, unless UC, its just not recognised as often it would be with DC in tow, cared for by older siblings or unsocial hours to fit in with caring for children.
Very few women historically fitted the SAHM description.

@saraclara

Are you home educating?

Or did the need to be the only 1 in control of bringing them up only last until they hit school age?

Did your oh not get any say in bringing them up?

I have never depended on Dh's money, always earned well and contributed. I've saved and invested and put into pensions in case I ever had to go it alone. My retirement income and savings would provide for me if anything happens in the future.
I am now retired and left behind colleagues ten+ years my senior who were sahm to well off high earning husband's who can't afford to retire now that they have split up or their DH has died taking the pension with them.

All the avoid stress, I will SAH is pulling fathers away from children.

It's not really. Some people have jobs/careers with long hours, little flexibility, or they need to travel. They will have had them before having children. Having someone at home who is completely reliable takes away any stress of that. For other couples who work office hours near where they live with some flexibility, having 2 working is much easier. However this totally restricts the careers people can pursue. Some fathers may choose to change career when they have young children but for many it may not be possible or desirable.

I think that in the last 50 years we’ve swung from housewife/mum at home, to mum at work and I think it will swing back. I agree many won’t be able to afford it and I think that will stop some people (perhaps many) from having children at all and the birth rate will continue to drop in the west- that’s already happening imo

I can’t see it swinging back. In my lifetime the women with young children who worked have gone from just women who had professional careers or who were in show biz to women who are in low paid office work now go back after maternity leave (sometimes part time, sometimes with help from grandparents). I do see the trend for fewer women having children continuing though.

In the country Im from it is standard for parents to share care of DC 50/50.
Its not necessary or many jobs, with modern technology, to work ridiculous hours ( surgeons exception)
In my country everyone is baffled by presenteeism.
35 hours is standard and we all know that many men stay at work to avoid home life.
I think presenteeism, long hours culture is part of a patriarchal system.
There would be far less stress if men took equal responsibility for parenting their children and society encouraged this.
Working women are expected to be fantastic mothers and fantastic workers.
Men -just go to work, thats enough.
Well it isnt.
Time for equal pay, equal parental responsibility and CMS needs a huge overhaul.

I'm a qualified teacher and that's my plan once my kids are older and I no longer need to stay at home. Should be able to get a teaching job easily or at least supply. I'm in a shortage subject as well.

@CecilyP

Some fathers may choose to change career when they have young children but for many it may not be possible or desirable.

Yet we expect mothers to do it as standard

@Snoredoeurve

think presenteeism, long hours culture is part of a patriarchal system.

Yet so many women are literally falling over themselves to facilitate their ohs doing it.

There would be far less stress if men took equal responsibility for parenting their children and society encouraged this.
Working women are expected to be fantastic mothers and fantastic workers.
Men -just go to work, thats enough.
Well it isnt.
Time for equal pay, equal parental responsibility and CMS needs a huge overhaul.

Couldn't agree more

Are you home educating, topgub? Seeing you’ve said you don’t use paid childcare? Not that you’ve cared to share much detail about how this works.

Maybe, saraclara and her DH don’t have the flexibility you and yours have. Maybe their set up works best for them as yours obviously works for you.

Not necessarily! If she has a great career and he just has a job, the situation may be reversed!

35 hours is standard and we all know that many men stay at work to avoid home life.
Why do you think many men stay at work to avoid home life? And how would forcing them out of the work place improve that situation?

Obviously they think its womens work and would rather not do it.
So many threads about men like this.
Its not forcing them out, its reducing unecessary presenteeism.

I made the massive mistake when I was married of relying on my husband having a good pension. In our divorce I got a very good deal wrt the house which meant i was able to buy a decent property i wouldn't otherwise have been able to do. In return I forewent a stake in his pension.

I'll never let myself get into any kind of situation again where I'm not fully in control of my income.

@CecilyP

What does home educating have to do with not using paid childcare?

I havent said I(or we) wanted to 'bring up our children' so couldn't work.

We bring up our children and work.

Children need a variety of influences in their lives. Takes a village and all that.

@CecilyP
What does home educating have to do with not using paid childcare?

No idea, you brought up home education with Saraclara.

I havent said I(or we) wanted to 'bring up our children' so couldn't work.

We bring up our children and work.

Yes I know! You’ve already told us. I’ve no idea how you got the impression I said anything other from my post.

Children need a variety of influences in their lives. Takes a village and all that.

Im sorry, I don’t understand how this relates to you and your DH sharing childcare between you?

@CecilyP

Maybe you should read the post from Sara Clara that I replied to?

you and your DH sharing childcare between you?

It doesn't.

It has to do with not needing not to work so I could be in control and bring up my kids

I wasn’t really talking about presenteeism; working late at the office just to avoid home life or just because. There are loads of jobs that exist that naturally involve longer or less flexible hours (not just surgeons) and these jobs exist in every country eg other healthcare, public transport, long haul transport, police, armed forces. Also having to go where the work takes you, especially big construction projects and IT.

it’s easy for me with my 9-5 office job to think we should all have the same but the country would grind to a halt if this other work did not occur.

The jobs you describe all have compressed or shift work hours.
Police is standard 40 hours
Midwifery 37.5
Army depends whether deployed
Yes the hours worked are long but usually 3/4 shifts per week.
Ps yes I know all about unpaid overtime!

@CecilyP
Maybe you should read the post from Sara Clara that I replied to?

I did. She was referring to small children, rather than school aged.

you and your DH sharing childcare between you?

It doesn't.

It has to do with not needing not to work so I could be in control and bring up my kids

So how does this relate to ‘a village’ and a variety of influences? Maybe I’m being thick but your response sounds very cryptic!

So a lazy dh problem...that can only be fixed by everyone else adapting?

@CecilyP

She didn't mention the age of the children

Just said she wanted to bring them up and be in control.

That's why I asked of that stopped once they went to school or of she continued to exert complete control by HE. It wasn't that complicated a question really. And since you can't answer for them, I'm not sure why you're so interested.

My response isn't cryptic

I dont feel a need to have complete control over my children's lives

They have extended family member, friends, teachers, friends parents, extra curricular activities.

All involved in 'bringing them up'

The older they get the more bringing up they need

I’d never choose to be financially dependent on a man.

It’s not always as simple as that. There is shift work that fits into a pattern, but much takes longer hours (with compensatory time off) or which can spill into longer hours just because of the nature of the job.

That's why I asked of that stopped once they went to school or of she continued to exert complete control by HE. It wasn't that complicated a question really. And since you can't answer for them, I'm not sure why you're so interested.

What on earth are we on AIBU for if we are not interested in other people’s lives?